7 weeks with twins

[sinnerchief]

This is my first pregnancy and I’m really struggling mentally with the thought of twins. First scan there were two sacs but only one heartbeat, second scan reported two healthy heartbeats. I find myself upset and sad because when I dreamed of having a baby, I dreamed of doing them one at a time and slowly fitting them into my life. I feel like with twins it’s going to be impossible to manage as my first pregnancy.

How do you get over being upset ? I know I should be grateful but I can’t help but find myself mourning and thinking “why Me” and googling vanishing twin syndrome with hope. How do I get passed feeling this way ?

 

[lilith71]

@sinnerchief Hi! I’m a FTM at 21 weeks with twins. I had very similar feelings in the beginning of this pregnancy. In fact, I always shunned the idea of twins because my husband would regularly joke about having them (he has twin brothers and always liked the idea of getting “two for one” so imagine my surprise and ire with him for somehow manifesting this upon me…)

My own experience is that over time the fear and disappointment faded and turned into excitement. I was just thinking today about how I can’t imagine losing one of my babies, whereas in the beginning I was also definitely secretly thinking about vanishing twin syndrome. I think giving myself permission and space to grieve brought me to a place of acceptance that ultimately allowed me to adapt and fall in love with the idea of having twins.

Two things that helped the most: (1) educating myself about what to expect and how to prepare - this subreddit is a fantastic resource; (2) time.

 

[ejmeier]

@sinnerchief This sounds like me when I found out at 8 weeks. I definitely had to grieve the motherhood and maternity leave I was imagining in my mind. I was out to lunch with my husband and saw a woman peacefully wearing her baby and having pizza with a friend and I just burst into tears saying “that will never be me”. I also nearly burst into tears when I looked at my first side by side pram because it just seemed MASSIVE and overwhelming.

I’m now 30 weeks and have really come round to the idea (once they are here I am expecting another shock though). The things that helped me were: time, realising that almost all multiple parents have these feelings, thinking about the positives of having twins (built in best friend!), learning about the practicalities of twins (it can be done!), reading positive stories here and on r/twins, and finding out the genders ASAP so I could start picturing life with them. Now I feel quite special and like superwoman for being able to carry two babies!

 

[covergirl]

@sinnerchief When my obstetrician told me I was having twins at 10 weeks I started crying and shaking, and saying "no, no, no". I was absolutely terrified and my OB had to console me. I remember walking home from that appointment thinking "What have I done? My life is over." I'm now 17 weeks and while I'm still a bit terrified about what lies ahead I am SO excited that come this July I'll have two beautiful babies in my life. Seeing them at the 12 week scan was such an amazing experience. I saw them via ultrasound today at my OB appointment...I wish I could see them every day, honestly! They're so cute and I couldn't bear for anything to happen to them. I've gone from thinking "my life is over" to "I can't believe how lucky I am to be pregnant with twins". I hope the same for you OP, sending best wishes. Xx

 

[tylyr]

@sinnerchief Firstly, don't beat yourself up about it. Let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel right now, and then move on. I was a first time mom with my twins and I couldn't help but feel a slight disappointment as I too wanted to do each baby at a time, but as someone else has said below those thoughts soon turn into excitement and you start to love those babies and can't bear the thought of anything happening to them. My twins are nearly 10 months now and although it's the hardest thing I've ever done, would I change it? Not at all. Having twins is so rewarding and so much fun, initially you may find yourself envying moms of singletons but that will soon pass as dealing with both babies just becomes your way of life. It's so important to start researching now so you can feel prepared and relieve yourself of some of the anxieties that come with multiples as there's loads of good resources out there. I joined a local twin group where twin moms could share advice and help each other out, even while pregnant. You're in for a wonderful, exciting journey, just hang on in there, you've got this.

 

[andrewlikescars]

@sinnerchief This was me when I found out at our first ultrasound showing two babies with two heartbeats. I was numb because I honestly had a feeling and literally said in the shower that morning “please don’t be twins, please don’t be twins”. My husband was over the moon but I was grieving the loss of what I envisioned for my first baby and my first pregnancy. It took me a lot quicker than usual for others to get over it though. I was accepting it later on that day when I thought about something happening to one of them and it made me sad. That’s when it clicked.

I’ll be honest though, throughout the pregnancy it was extremely hard. Your body goes through so much carrying two of them and I kept fretting over being a first time mom to two newborns, the complications of a csection with multiples, the physical pain you’re in from being so heavy and so tired.

BUT I’m now 18 weeks postpartum and let me tell you. I would not change ANYTHING about what happened. I have two of the most perfect babies out there. Both of them. As sweet and cute and loving as can be. I’m literally obsessed with them and they’re my entire world now. I absolutely adore our family of 4! Yes, it’s been met with many challenges that only parents of multiples can experience. There’s been many tears and many “this would be SO MUCH EASIER if it was just one! ” but then you go to wake them both up and they’re BOTH grinning the purest smile at you. Their different sounding giggles and babbles are so addicting. Mine just now reached the point in the past few weeks where they’re starting to smile and laugh at each other and interact with each other and it brings happy tears to my eyes every time. I love my boys so freaking much I can’t stand it sometimes.

There is so much wonderfulness in having twins even when it doesn’t feel like it at times. I promise you, it’ll change you for the better and you’ll come to accept and even love being a twin mom. I am proud of how much my body accomplished and what I now have survived and worked through during the first 4 months of their lives. You’re going to be a supermom

 

[parsalog]

@sinnerchief It is totally okay to mourn your ideal image of pregnancy and motherhood. I went kind of numb from it for awhile during pregnancy. I had to mute people on ig who had singleton babies at the same time as me because I hated holding myself in comparison.

The truth is that nobody has the 'ideal' experience, and I think every parent has to reconcile the disparity between expectation and reality at some point. In a weird way, I feel like expecting twins gave me a jump on letting go of that projection and going with the flow. Having twins will be nothing like the experience of having a singleton, but that is not a bad thing. Your whole framework is going to change to accommodate for them and you will create systems that work just for you. It is so hard to know what the experience will be until you are in it, and when you are in it you can't imagine it being any other way. Every night, my partner and I lay in bed and say, "Can you imagine how boring it would be with just one? I can't imagine one without the other!"

Give yourself time and grace with letting go of what you imagined parenthood would be. It was never going to be exactly that. The first year is very hard but it goes by faster than you would like. Whatever happens, you are going to be able to handle it.

 

[whoopdee]

@sinnerchief I'm in the same boat. I just found out today I am pregnant with twins. It's my first pregnancy as well. I just wanted to say to give yourself space to mourn your old life or the expectations of what having a baby looks like. We will get through this and it'll be okay in the end. That's what I tell myself but for now in my first trimester I'm just trying to focus on my mental and physical well-being. I keep telling myself it's okay to mourn my old life disappearing and now that I know it's twins, I started telling myself to just not have expectations because we can never really know what it will be until it happens. I hope this helps! Happy to be in a supportive group!

 

[sinnerchief]

@whoopdee Thank you for this! It’s the next day after I posted this and after a massive talk with my husband I feel better and more hopeful! Happy to keep in touch it sounds like we’re both at the same stage

 

[whoopdee]

@sinnerchief Would love that! I'm first in my friend group to be pregnant, let alone know no one with twins so would definitely be happy staying in touch with someone going through this as well.

 

[juanstrae]

@sinnerchief This is exactly me, I’m almost 9 weeks and I also have a 3 year old.
All from ivf. I had a double embryo transfer a year ago that didn’t work, we did another and both stuck.
I know I should be grateful but odds were so low it would work at all and now I’m devastated. I can’t cope with 3 kids.
I’ve sobbed for weeks now and don’t know what to do.
Sorry I’m not being a comfort to you but I’ve also read so much about vanishing twins but after 3 scans, mine both have heartbeats.
They are measuring a bit behind, 7weeks and 3 and 7 weeks at my 8 week scan though.

I feel like the worst mother in the world but I’m so so overwhelmed.

 

[iambornagain]

@juanstrae I had my first scan today. We also did IVF. We only transferred one embryo and today they saw two yolk sacs and two babies. Only one has a heartbeat.

I'm 7 weeks and 3 days and babe with a heartbeat is measuring 7 weeks exactly. My husband said they measured what they think is the second baby, it's kind of off to the side squished in there, and it's at 7 weeks too but no heartbeat. I'm honestly torn on whether to be sad or to be excited. For either outcome

We have an almost 3 year old little boy. And the idea of identical twin girls is terrifying. We always said we didn't want our kids to outnumber us. Honestly terrified for our next ultrasound in two weeks.

 

[sinnerchief]

@juanstrae I feel you 100%. I feel like I’m failing at being a mum already just for wishing there was only one

 

[crownfair]

@sinnerchief I also was shocked, scared and a bit unhappy about the news of twins. But now that they are here and 11m, things are amazing. I couldn’t imagine life without them. My twins are actually easier than my singleton toddler!

It’s scary for sure. It makes you a high risk pregnancy and all that comes with it. But then you get to experience really cool things like your babies holding hands, or standing up in their cribs babbling to each other with huge smiles on their faces.

 

[strugglingfaith101]

@sinnerchief Hi! We get a post on this sub about twice a month exactly like yours (that’s my way of saying your feelings are totally normal and natural). The idea of twins is a BIG adjustment, but after the dust settles the vast majority of us come to think of twins as the adventure of a lifetime.

Welcome to the club and this group is here for you in all the ups and downs!