Working parent rant

[rustyloon]

@artg I (41f) have a 4yo and 7yo. I feel your pain. My husband(40m) and I also work full time but for the past few years we’ve implemented a system that I think works well. At 6:30 we start bedtime routine which includes bath and shower. Every night we switch who’s responsible for bath time with both kids and who will clean

 

[michaelo]

@artg Just living the dream aren’t we?

 

[hyperfocal]

@artg My mom tries to help, but it definitely comes with strings. She retired from being a media specialist in an elementary school 4 months before my mini was born that was 7.5 years ago. Honestly I think the most frustrating thing is her telling me she has had frustrating years in education. Pre-COVID most my years as a teacher I truly loved. Post COVID, not so much. I'm getting to where I absolutely hate being a teacher, behavior problems....how hard is it not to use the f-bomb around your 6 year old or let them stay up all night playing inappropriate video games. I parent my child, but because someone else doesn't I have to deal with being told to "f" off or go "f" myself multiple times a day. It's exhausting, I use what ever energy I have left to work with my kid on her homework, but my bathroom and bedroom are a hot mess, and I don't even want to leave my house anymore because I don't want to run into these parents. So sorry to add a rant to a rant, but ding dang.....I might have had more understanding for parents before I had my own kid. Now I just want to tell parents to get their crap straight, I deal with my kids behavior and homework....try it maybe you won't drop your kid off at school with your shirt inside out laughing about being hung over from too many shots on a week night.

 

[simplysummer]

@artg This may be an unpopular opinion because I know we're all exhausted, but before I started carving out me time in the morning, I was ready to have the conversation with my doctor about getting on meds because I just could not handle that this was just going to be my life as a working mom. Now, in the mornings, I get up early enough to do about 20 minutes of yoga, 10 minutes of meditation, and 10 minutes of journaling. It has made a huge difference. For me, dedicating that time to myself makes me feel like my needs are important and being honored, and it sets me up to be more patient and tolerant throughout the day. It also forces me to go to bed at a better time in order to be able to get up a little bit earlier. That part is hard because I'm a night owl by nature, but if I push my "me time" to the end of the day, it just won't happen. I think just being really deliberate about taking even just a few moments for yourself to fill your tank first is of the utmost importance. We're all so depleted and it's so hard to keep giving of yourself when you have next to nothing left to give. Sending you internet hugs and the reminder that you're doing amazing. This system was not set up for two working parents, yet here you are, nailing it.

 

[faithhopelove5]

@artg Im starting to think that the future of parenting will mean that the entire family has to drop what they're doing and help clean. I mean. This is what I see the most on this group is that the mother is the only one pulling weight and everybody just kinda watches her work and go crazy. So maybe its time to make these activities a more communal event. Cleaning and cooking are life-long activities, after all.

 

[jester5510]

@artg Just ignore the inner voice that tells you that you are doing it wrong. Self care wasn't a thing for me and it drove me crazy that people added another thing that I should be doing on my plate. It will get easier and then it will get better.

 

[ld57]

@artg Take a breath. As a working mom with an autoimmune condition, I have to be very careful on how I use my spoons. Spoon theory: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/spoon-theory-chronic-illness/
Anyway, most nights, my SO and I will discuss if he's cooking, I'm cooking, or we order out. I know that's not what the perfect parenting books tell you, but the fact is that we can only do so much.
Cleaning? Hahahahaha. I straighten up, of course, but hard-core cleaning on a weekly basis? Yeah... that's not happening.
I would recommend that you and your husband have a conversation about making adjustments to the current arrangement. Maybe you switch off cooking each day. Maybe you take turns with each child each day: for example, on Monday your husband spends 15 minutes with your older child, and you spend that 15 minutes with your younger child, on Tuesday you switch, and you go back and forth. Divide and conquer. You know?
Hire cleaning people (if you can afford it). Try to meal prep on the weekends to make daily cooking easier.
And go easy on yourself. You only have so many spoons.