Why does it seem like dating as a single parent is impossible?
- Thread starter tess14
- Start date
@katrina2017 I feel you there. Sometimes I just wonder why I even try to date anymore lol like do I really wanna deal with the headache of it all.
katrina2017
New member
@katrina2017 That is true. Maybe starting over somewhere new will be better for you. I’ve considered it but it’s hard to leave my family and support system I have here where I’m at
katrina2017
New member
@tess14 There certainly are those kinds of people out there, women and men alike. Take a look at any dating sub’s many, many discussions about dating people with kids. Lots of “I’m not being selfish, I love kids, he just doesn’t have any time for me.” Blah blah blah.
However, don’t give up. There are also people who totally understand, have kids or other adult obligations of their own too. Who are also looking for someone who will understand that. I’m 47f, and been seeing someone really great for several months now. We both understand that not getting a quick reply to a text means nothing more than we’re busy. He’s also a single parent, so we juggle schedules and find time when we can but connect other ways when we can’t. Sometimes “date night” is a trip to the grocery store, but it’s time spent together. And once we got to feeling comfortable introducing kids, time together got easier. It is possible, once you find that partner who gets it.
However, don’t give up. There are also people who totally understand, have kids or other adult obligations of their own too. Who are also looking for someone who will understand that. I’m 47f, and been seeing someone really great for several months now. We both understand that not getting a quick reply to a text means nothing more than we’re busy. He’s also a single parent, so we juggle schedules and find time when we can but connect other ways when we can’t. Sometimes “date night” is a trip to the grocery store, but it’s time spent together. And once we got to feeling comfortable introducing kids, time together got easier. It is possible, once you find that partner who gets it.
@tess14 Because it's really fucking hard.
I'm 36m and have my kids (7 and 9) most of the time. It seemed like most people in my dating-age bracket were single for very good reasons, had kids and expected any partner to fit into their life rather than give-and-take, didn't want to date anybody with kids (whether they had kids or not), or were at a point in their life where they were like "oh shit. the clock is ticking and I want to have my own kids" -- which wasn't great for me b/c I had a vasectomy for my ex-fiancee who dumped me just over a year later.
But I stuck to it, and started dating my girlfriend about a year after I dipped my toes back into the dating pool.
My best advice is just be happy with who you are, take care of yourself, do the things you enjoy, and keep looking. Join some meetups that are relevant to your interest and eventually something will fall into place. It's much better to wait for the right person then try to make something work with someone who isn't right for you.
You don't need someone who is self absorbed and needs you at their beck and call 24/7. You have kids. Their needs should always be your top priority. The right person will know that and support that.
Five years looking for the right person is better than 1, 5, 10, or 15 years with the wrong person.
I'm 36m and have my kids (7 and 9) most of the time. It seemed like most people in my dating-age bracket were single for very good reasons, had kids and expected any partner to fit into their life rather than give-and-take, didn't want to date anybody with kids (whether they had kids or not), or were at a point in their life where they were like "oh shit. the clock is ticking and I want to have my own kids" -- which wasn't great for me b/c I had a vasectomy for my ex-fiancee who dumped me just over a year later.
But I stuck to it, and started dating my girlfriend about a year after I dipped my toes back into the dating pool.
My best advice is just be happy with who you are, take care of yourself, do the things you enjoy, and keep looking. Join some meetups that are relevant to your interest and eventually something will fall into place. It's much better to wait for the right person then try to make something work with someone who isn't right for you.
You don't need someone who is self absorbed and needs you at their beck and call 24/7. You have kids. Their needs should always be your top priority. The right person will know that and support that.
Five years looking for the right person is better than 1, 5, 10, or 15 years with the wrong person.
obsidian743
New member
@tess14 Honestly, I don’t know myself 
Feels like these days no one is interested in the single mamas and dads with kids as they’re not prepared to get involved in a relationship with someone’s else kids. I’m trying to focus on being happy alone although it has been extremely lonely as I moved where I am now without any family around and no friends & it’s hard enough finding time to try meet others mothers in the area. Raising a kid without any support or help leaves no time for dating currently
Feels like these days no one is interested in the single mamas and dads with kids as they’re not prepared to get involved in a relationship with someone’s else kids. I’m trying to focus on being happy alone although it has been extremely lonely as I moved where I am now without any family around and no friends & it’s hard enough finding time to try meet others mothers in the area. Raising a kid without any support or help leaves no time for dating currently@obsidian743 Yea I hear ya on that no one has patience anymore lol they all want it right now and it can be hard to find time for sure to meet anyone. If you ever need someone to talk to though you help fight the loneliness my inbox is always open 
!
!matthewridder
New member
@tess14 I know it’s thrown around a lot but it’s honestly a red flag if they want you to respond instantly all the time (insecurity).
I attempted dating and I saw this guy a few times who didn’t respect my boundaries (like not meeting my child, following me into my apartment building) and got extremely upset one day when I didn’t message back straight away. My son was sick and I was on a medication that was making me sleep 10-11 hours. I responded to a message 14 hours later and I was called rude etc. I’m like uhhh I’m a parent and my child comes first…
It does definitely seem very time consuming to date, and that’s something I don’t have as I can’t just go out on a Friday night anymore.
I attempted dating and I saw this guy a few times who didn’t respect my boundaries (like not meeting my child, following me into my apartment building) and got extremely upset one day when I didn’t message back straight away. My son was sick and I was on a medication that was making me sleep 10-11 hours. I responded to a message 14 hours later and I was called rude etc. I’m like uhhh I’m a parent and my child comes first…
It does definitely seem very time consuming to date, and that’s something I don’t have as I can’t just go out on a Friday night anymore.
@matthewridder Yea I’ve been accused of texting multiple people told I’m stuck up because I didn’t answer in 10 mins like it’s ridiculous. I have 2 kids that like to destroy things and fight like we’re in the WWE lol
matthewridder
New member
@matthewridder Yea I’m slowly getting there. I have had my fair share of reading messages then hearing a loud crash and running to find out what happened and forgetting to replay till the girl I was talking to would message me all pissed saying I guess your just gonna ghost me now. Like I just don’t understand people
faithreader
New member
stars_andwonder
New member
@tess14 I'm not even gonna try right now. Not that I can't get a date, I just have no time. I've got 4 kids 50-50 but I'm a full time dad because they're all in one or more sport or activity. Throw in work and my time consuming volunteer FD gig.
Maybe in the spring after basketball season is over. Oh wait, then it's baseball and I coach that.
Maybe in the spring after basketball season is over. Oh wait, then it's baseball and I coach that.
littlepikachu
New member
@tess14 I’ve found dating others with kids Is best. The ones without want all your attention and try to be spontaneous and I can’t do that with three kids. It’s hard but there’s someone out there. Really depends where you’re meeting people. I try to communicate what I’m looking for and go from there.
@tess14 As a solo mum (100% care, father not in the picture at all, no family support) I have given up on dating. Realistically, I’ve realised it’s just not possible for me. I have a 3 year old with special needs that I also have to take into consideration. I don’t have the time at all to even try dating, meeting new people, making connections and seeing if a relationship can work. It’s just not possible. And I also refuse to introduce anyone to my daughter unless it was becoming a long term thing, and even then I’d wait, at the very least, 6 months before introducing them to my daughter. On the very rare occasion that my daughter spends a night with one of the few people I trust with her, I’m using that time for me, not to go out on a date (which always ends up being a disappointment in my experience) and feeling let down. So I’ve just said “nope, not dating until my daughter is at least in her teens”
