Why does it seem like dating as a single parent is impossible?

[tess14]

Hey y’all I’m knew here, dad of 2 boys. Is it just me or does it feel like dating as a single parent is nearly impossible? Trying to find someone who gets that you can’t make them the center of your universe because you have two little humans who depend you as well. I’ve been trying to get back into the dating scene but so far it’s just been so discouraging, being ghosted because I have kids or being made to feel guilty because I’m not glued to my phone texting the person 24/7. I work a full time job and have a house and responsibilities that I need to tend to every day. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to find someone who understood those things. At this point I’d rather just keep feeling lonely over how trying to date again makes me feel. If anyone has any advice or would just wanna talk I would appreciate it. Thanks for reading my little bit of rant, I hope whoever is reading this has a great day

 

[sergyi]

@tess14 I was reading another dating sub and someone mentioned how they “have so much love to give” and it really struck me. I immediately thought, ‘I’m not in a romantic relationship, I should have love to give’, but I’m not sure that I actually do. All of that care goes to my kids and myself. So now my mantra is “I have love to give” and I’m trying to lead with that instead of the effort, time, energy, etc. that was immediately popping up when I would think of dating. Hope that helps.

Edit to say I know this sounds cheesy af

 

[tess14]

@sergyi Lol it’s cheesy but cute I love it because I am like you I have so much to give but a lot goes into the kids. I love the simple things little notes and stuff like that. It just seems now and days that’s not enough anymore.

 

[kijani]

@sergyi I totally get this. I wish I had more love to give! Between kids, family, patients, and maybe a little left over for myself it feels like I have nothing left. Maybe I do, but by them I’m so tired

 

[masquerading]

@tess14 I think we just have to limit ourselves to others with the same priorities! I know I wouldn’t have the time to date someone who doesn’t have kids and just wants to live on a whim all of the time. Other parents should understand this

 

[tess14]

@masquerading Yea I know I been trying to find someone with the same priorities or at the same point in their life as I am

 

[isatis]

@tess14 Try being a single Mom. Nbdy wants to take you seriously as if you’re not worth it..

 

[zionprincess]

@isatis Ugh I felt this in my soul. I'm working on my self-esteem and trying to not feel like I'm garbage because I'm a single mom, meanwhile I constantly see posts on facebook etc about how single moms are entitled, used up, overestimate their value, etc. On the other end of the spectrum, there's the posts fetishizing single moms.

Like, I'm not a super hot MILF. I'm not gonna fuck you and then bake you a pie, because I'm busy and have other things that need to be done. I'm not worthless. I'm not a sex object. I hate it so much I've already given up on dating, but I'm also older already (32yo, 7 years post-divorce). I'm focusing on my health, mental health, and my kids' health and happiness. I actually do feel like I'm happier now than previously as I'm trying to learn to love and care for myself.

Sorry for the tirade. None of my friends really understand the struggle at all (childless).

 

[tifranc31]

@zionprincess Single mom also in her 30s here, you nailed it.

 

[calo]

@zionprincess Another single mom in her 30s saying "exactly"

 

[dodise89]

@zionprincess Single (widowed) mum here at 37yo. Yep. Been alone for 6 years. I'm lonely. It hurts that I've never even come close to a relationship whereas single dads my age, even widowed dads my age, have girlfriends in their early to mid 20s. It feels like they've got women fauning over them whereas I have many men who consider me nice, or a friend, but not even on the radar as a potential partner. I'll just work on me for the next decade.

 

[gailmaki52]

@zionprincess 100% exactly!

 

[tess14]

@isatis I can only imagine. And then it feels like they always judge us if we have more then one child. I bet your amazing person to get to know and completely worth it

 

[isatis]

@tess14 True. I feel you too man.

 

[nobleone37]

@tess14 Try being a single mom with 4 kids lol

 

[isatis]

@nobleone37 Lmao! Same

 

[tess14]

@isatis If you would wanna chat you can feel free to message me I can’t send chats yet cause of being a new account

 

[marynabil]

@isatis My most recent relationship that was the most passionate I’ve ever had, was with a single mom with two kids and my toddler. But maybe I/we lucked out. I’m yet to find someone else after her though..

 

[iowa52241]

@tess14 Our modern world is screwed. People see relationships as something fun and exciting ONLY. A single parent HAD to mature fast and take extra responsibilities, most of us don’t have time for drama. And this is why others don’t want to deal with us LOL. Cause we are adults, and some of them are not. We are ready for real 50/50 give/take relationships, and most modern people looking for relationships to just have someone to take from That being sad I better remain single until i meet someone who is mature enough.

 

[tess14]

@iowa52241 I feel that 100% most people now and days expect their partner to give it all while they do the bare minimum but that’s not how things work. I want someone who is match what I put into the relationship like it’s not that hard to actually show the person you care and they matter to you is it? Especially with kids finding someone who understands the fact that even after I get off work I still have responsibilities and can’t jsut drop everything because they wanna see me or go out and do something on s whim