@eric1844 Honestly, I would look for a job where you’re not working so much or not working those hours. When you’re old, you’re never going to say damn I wish I spent more time at work!
I left a stressful job, inflexible job and took a position that allows me to mostly work from home on a very flexible schedule. My new job allows me to be there to put my older kids on and take them off the bus, go to their school to have lunch with them, volunteer in their classrooms and never miss a sporting or school event event because I can flex my hours. While life is busy with a little one, it gets even busier when your kids go to school and start doing activities. I didn’t want to miss out on things that were important to my kids and I enjoy working (just not working all the time). When my kids are older, maybe I’ll go back to a higher stress job, but I doubt it because the way I was previously living was no way to live.
@eric1844 I am changing careers to a flexible WFH job who are very supportive - got it when pregnant. So I’ll have my two younger children home with me.
@katrina2017 This is me too. I have one 5mo and WFH 8-5. It’s a flexible job and he is an easy baby. We don’t make enough to afford day care right now so this is ideal.
1) I work from home and the kids are mostly at home with our nanny so I occasionally see them during the day. I would not take an in office job at this point in my life.
2) I shifted my work schedule forward - I start at 6ish and my husband handles most of breakfast but I’m nearly always done by 5, usually 4. That way I can get dinner going and as soon as the kids are done with childcare (5) we can hang. My husband tends to finish just after six and then we do dinner and bath together. My partner does a story but I do the later night bedtime (ie breastfeeding the baby, lying with the toddler til he falls asleep) and he tends to log back on around 8. So I get 3-4 hours with them this way though a lot is shepherding everyone through the evening rush.
The big downside is we don’t have much overlap time together. By the time both kids are dow I tend to be almost ready to pass out whereas my husband is up for another few hours because he sleeps in in the morning.
@eric1844 When my LO was smaller, I worked evenings so I would get all morning with her and my partner would get all evening with her. It also helped with paying for part time childcare. We both had weekends off so we had that time as a family.
Nowadays, with a school aged kiddo - I adjusted my work schedule so I work 9-3 (which aligns when she’s at school) basically and then I pick up a few hours at night from home when she is asleep.
@eric1844 I get a few minutes in the morning, get home at 5, get dinner made, we all eat together and then bedtime routine starts. 5mo and 3yo in bed by 7/7:30. That’s it and it’s killing me.
Husband got the baby up this morning and got him ready/fed while I got myself ready and the 3yo ready/fed. I held the baby for 2 minute before having to hand him off and rush out the door. I cried half the drive in to work.
We were lucky with my 3yo. She went to daycare for 2 months before the pandemic hit and as hard as working from home with a baby was, at least I got to spend a lot of time with her
@eric1844 I will be a teacher with contract hours being 830am-4pm. Commute is 10 minutes so not wasting time there. My kids wake up around 630am. So I get about 2 hours in the morning and about 3-3.5 hours at night (they're 2.5 and 10 months old so bedtime is till early-ish). They're not quite school aged, but when they are, I'll get summers and breaks with them off. I am finishing my degree in the next few months and specifically went back to school for this schedule. I work as a part-time bartender now and wanted a more stable, part-time job while the kids were young so I could work at night and spend time with them during the day. Once they got a little older I started thinking about going back to school so I could actually see them during the day after school.
@eric1844 My schedule is a little irregular because I have occasional short days but mostly I work 9-6. My baby’s still sleeping when I leave for work ever since he dropped his early morning feed, so on a 9-6 day I only get to see him for about an hour before he goes to bed. Shorter days are obviously better, and I spend as much time as I can with him on my days off. I’ve also gotten much more protective of my time off than I used to be- outside of a literal and immediate life and death situation I absolutely refuse to work late anymore.
@eric1844 I get 1.5 hours in the morning (6:30 wake-up) and 2 hours in the evening (7:30-8 bedtime). As they get older, you’ll have more time in the evenings as bedtime gets later. When my kid was a baby, I was lucky to get an hour after work.
I found prioritizing quality over quantity of time helped me come to terms with so little time. Very little phones/screens when together, eating as a family, etc.
@eric1844 When my daughter was that age I got about 30 minutes with her in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening (7pm bedtime).
Now I work from home and she’s in elementary school. I take her to school and then log into work, eat lunch at my desk, pick her up from school and then finish working while she’s eating a snack and doing homework. I log off around 5pm and cook dinner. Then we have until her ~9pm bedtime.
@eric1844 Our best quality time is in the morning. At some point my daughter started waking up really early - I want to say when she was about 10 months or a year old? She wakes up between 5am and 6:30am, which is rough but it gives us a few hours to play in the morning.
It sucks not to have more time, but I think being consistent and present is also really important even if your time is short. If you consistently eat dinner or breakfast together, read stories before bed, play during bath time, whatever it is that's special time for you and baby.
@eric1844 Also an attorney. I work at a nonprofit where we have strict work life balance and strict working hours. We started working remotely during the pandemic and have not been required to return to the office. My husband is a public school teacher. I don’t think I could manage kids if not for this job’s commitment to encouraging a positive work/life balance for employees.
ETA This job did mean a pay cut though the benefits are better.
@eric1844 That’s normal for a 40 hour workweek outside the home. The only options are really to cut back work hours or change hours earlier or later to have a longer stretch. I don’t know anyone in real life like these comments that wfh. Everyone in our industries is out of the house. And you’re not really spending time together if you’re working anyway
@bobbysunny Yes, well said. I wfh while my baby was 3-6 months and all I wanted to do was play with him. Unfortunately, my job requires me to actually produce work and I lost so much sleep because I’d have to make up time throughout the night. I still stay up overnight most nights trying to catch up on and finish work.
@eric1844 can you do any work at night after LO goes to bed? i’m an attorney too. my LO usually wakes up around 6am so i try to spend 1-1.5 hours together in the morning. then i drop him off at daycare and come back home to work from 8-4. i pick LO up around 4:30 usually and spend time together until he goes to bed around 8:30-9:00. then i usually work for an hour or two afterwards. or bill some hours on the weekend during his naps if i need to.
@lifepi I have to work overnight to make up for it. Before baby, I used to bill 2200 a year. Our minimum is 1800 and I’ve just been hitting our average to make the 1800 (~150 a month). But for some reason I feel like I’m constantly working. I work 6-7a, then 9/10a til about 6p (I usually eat lunch at my desk, or will occasionally walk around downtown to do grocery shopping). Head home and LO is sleeping by 830p/9p. I then will work til about 2-3a at least 2-3 times a week. Yet I’m still not billing enough or catching up with work.
@eric1844 I work midnights so I can spend more time at home. The worst thing about it is people tend to treat when I sleep during the day as I’m “napping” (implying I shouldn’t have childcare or should be working around the house). Or my husband will complain about being too tired after work to do x, y or Z……and I’m like I work today too!
@eric1844 I Get about 2 hours a day, but we make them count. LO “helps” make dinner, no one has a screen, we eat together, and have 30 minutes after dinner for dedicated baby-led play time.
I also have zero guilt with this. My baby is happy, healthy, and loved. My spouse and I choose to work jobs we have because we want our kids to have an incredible life. It’s also important to me that our children know that Mommy works and provides for the family and that’s perfectly normal!
There’s a good podcast with Iliza Shlesinger and Bert kreischer that goes over a no-guilt approach to being a working parent. Highly recommend it.
