Please share your 3yo morning getting ready routines because holy h*** I’m exhausted

[tobin1126]

@priya12 Ours is pretty simple, we have lots of "tickle checks" build in, to "make sure we find them all" before we go to school.

We do a wiggle after getting dressed, and make sure clothes feel comfortable.

we let him pick out a "morning snack" to take on the car ride, but he can't open it/eat it until he's buckled into his seat.

admittedly, we seem to have an easy going little guy, but most mornings we have a harder time convincing him to stop playing hide and seek (under the covers) than anything else.. Tickle checks fix that though, did you know tickles sometimes live under blankets?

 

[katrina2017]

@priya12 Generally speaking, what works with my 3yo is "variables before constants," where he gets to make a choice right before something he has no choice over. Some examples:

"Is time to wash our hands! Would you like to wash them in the kitchen, or the bathroom?"

"We are getting in the car now. Would you like your book, or your stuffy?"

It's not 100% perfect but I find that it at least distracts him enough that I can get him started on whatever is happening next.

Also, I tell my son what will happen if he does not do The Thing, trying to connect something he wants with something I need to have happen:

"If we don't clean up our toys, we won't be able to have bubbles in the bath! Do you want bubbles? ("Yes daddy") Well, then let's put all the toys away!"

"if you don't get in the car now, then we can't have music while we drive. Do you want music? ("Yes daddy") ok, let's get in the car!"

Lastly, my kid loves doing things himself - turning on the bath water, clearing his plate, brushing his teeth - so I usually tie "doing it himself" to "do it when I ask you to."

(after asking him re: the bath water but he doesn't go to the bathroom) "OK son, I guess I'll go turn on the bathwater then. ("Noooooo I wanted to do it!" [Runs to bathroom]) "OK, well you need to do it when I ask you to, otherwise I'll have to do it for you."

(after he keeps getting distracted brushing his teeth) "OK, I'll brush your teeth for you ("nooooo I wanted to!!") Then brush your teeth!"

This last strategy usually gets him a little upset for a moment, but it does usually get him to do what I want, and doing it himself calms him down, so it's worth it to me.

Can't say these will work for you, but maybe you can try it if you think your kid would respond the same? My kid has high "responsibility" so having choices and power to do things matter to him, which makes for (usually) easy manipulation.

 

[priya12]

@katrina2017 These are all really helpful ideas.

 

[cajaybears]

@priya12 I’m reading this while on minute 10 of trying to get my 3 year old in his car seat. Apparently playing in the car is more fun than anywhere we could do. So I have only solidarity

 

[cutin]

@cajaybears I truly do not mean this as a criticism, but I also used to go on my phone while waiting for my toddler to be ready to do things, and someone gently pointed out to me that this can make it drag on further, (I forget the exact reasoning now, but something to do with whether they have your attention/engagement). And when I actually looked at the time, they were right. It FELT longer when I was trying directly to engage them especially when I was being ineffective, and I think I went to the phone as a kind of self regulation before I got angry and snapped, but overall, I was spending longer when I zoned out and looked at the phone, which also gave them the impression that it didn't really matter if they did what I was asking or not.

A good technique here which combines giving them attention with steering them towards your goal is the "yes and..." technique. So if he is playing dinosaurs etc you could join in for a few minutes, and then say "Raaaaah I'm a t-rex, I'm going to take you to my nest for my dinner! I've got you!! You're going in the nest!" while strapping him in. If he's exploring the car or pretending to drive, again engage in this for a few minutes and then pretend you suddenly had an idea, give him a "job" to do like hand him any random piece of paper or even your phone on maps and ask him to navigate for you, or look out for road signs. If he's still rear facing, you can ask him to look out for emergency vehicles so that you can be sure to get out of the way.

 

[cajaybears]

@cutin Yes I definitely know that! It’s a great reminder because I see a huge difference when the phone is far away during the day. This was a “give up” point today where I had tried every single idea - played with him, race to get in the seat, snacks, plan a fun activity when we get home, find trucks on the road, timer - I was 110% and told him I’ll be here when he decides he’s ready to leave. Luckily we had no where to go but home. I should try to “job” technique but I’m not hopeful, I usually get met with straight ignoring me when I try similar stuff at home.

 

[cutin]

@cajaybears Have you read any of the How To Talk books? Those are basically my bible of parenting but especially at this age. If you are having trouble generally being in the "leader role" I found Dr. Becky and Janet Lansbury both good resources for helping me find my confident leader inside

 

[yeshuaite]

@priya12 I just send him naked with his clothes in his backpack because that’s as Montessori as you can get

 

[yoshs]

@priya12 Ours wakes around 6-6:15 and we leave by 7:30am.

We get up, play for a bit, make coffee and breakfast, and are usually starting to eat by 6:30-6:45. She jumps between eat, play, wake up dad, until around 7:10-7:15 when we havebti get ready to go.

At that point, we have a system. If we have enough time, she gets to watch 3 Cocomelon songs while we do her hair and she holds the phone. She has to be dressed before we do hair. We brush teeth after.

Once we pick clothes, we put them on and we don't change. She can scream and cry, but then we just run out of time and can't watch videos/do hair. Sometimes she picks clothes and sometimes we do, depends on the mood of the day. Same with taking too long to eat breakfast, or wanting to play. She knows once she gets that kind of final warning time, it's either listen and get moving or no videos.

It did take a long time to get to a set system/schedule, and she still tests it from time to time, but I'd say 90% of mornings are pretty smooth now.

Edit to add: sometimes we have to take a break and calmly ask her what she is feeling during these times. Maybe she is sad to be leaving you and offering a hug/cuddle/reassurance would be enough to reset?

 

[vortext]

@priya12 We get up in enough time that he has about 5 min to slowly wake before breakfast, then time to eat without being rushed. Then he has time to play for 5-10 min before needing to get dressed and brush teeth. I’m making his lunch in that time. After that he can play for a little bit more before we have to actually leave. It makes the morning easier when he doesn’t feel rushed and I’m not constantly having to tell him to hurry and finish xyz.

 

[chosen808]

@priya12 Oof good question because my daughter is about to be 3 and start Montessori lol

 

[michaelmac]

@priya12 We have a lot of stairs at my house, so we do everything on one floor before moving to the next, which avoids going backwards since my kids don’t feel like going up and down a bunch of stairs either. So we get dressed all the way to the socks before leaving their bedroom, then move to the kitchen. Then to the front door to get shoes and whatever they need for school, then to the car. In your situation it seems like everything is working except the last 15 minutes. Is that the time you are trying to get shoes on? Is there a way to entirely bypass this part of the routine - for instance can you put shoes on at a different point on the routine?

 

[strange1]

@priya12 I finally started dressing them and brushing their teeth (basically fully ready except shoes) before breakfast while their bodies are all floppy and sleepy and it has been a game changer.

 

[jesuslovesyouall]

@priya12 Is the last 15 minutes where you do all the prep with her to go to school? Maybe try starting earlier and do things in phases? Like get dressed after breakfast, then she can play another 5-10 minutes, then time to brush teeth, and put on shoes and head out. I always start “leaving” 15 minutes before we actually need to walk out the door. So if we need to leave at 9, he’s dressed and packed by 8:45 and I’ve told him it’s time to go. We usually leave at 9 because he has to pee, he can’t find the specific glove he wants, he needs to give the dog one more kiss, etc. Giving myself the 15 minute buffer means that I can say “ok but just one more kiss for the dog” rather than losing my own patience and being like good lord child GTFO of the house right now My husband does not do this and it stresses me out just watching him try to get the toddler out of the house. I also have noticed that because I do this, our son seems to handle it better if we are behind and I have to tell him no to the massive number of delaying activities before leaving

 

[ilovejesusaton]

@priya12 What can she control in those last 15 mins? Offer 2 options.

When my son is dragging his heels, I keep asking him “do you want to put the hat or the scarf on first”, “do you want to walk to the car or be carried”, “do you want to walk to the car like a dog or a cat”. I throw animals in all the time. I only do this if he’s being difficult or ignoring me

 

[ioriyk]

@priya12 I feel like setting a road map daily for my 2.5 year old helps.

"In 5 minutes we have to get ready for school."
"Ok it's time to get dressed for school, we will leave in 10 minutes."
"Have you finished your breakfast? We are leaving for school in 5 minutes?"

Etc. my girl has difficulty with transitions. She has a great time at school when she's there and always tells us she had fun playing with her friends and loves her teacher, but every morning she says "no school, not today." By the time we are through all the prompts she has had enough time to process that she is going to school and we don't get any more push back.

To get her shoes on, I normally tell her to come pick her shoes (she has 2 pairs), and that if she doesn't come pick her shoes I will pick them for her. This normally does the trick, not all the time though.

 

[derekmccorkell]

@priya12 Our morning routine is usually pretty smooth. I get myself ready then go get him from his room. I pick out his clothes (there's the odd time he doesn't like something, in which case, I'll let him pick out something else). We take his clothes for the day with us to the bathroom and he goes potty then he gets dressed in the bathroom and we'll go and put his pjs in his laundry basket on the way downstairs. We go downstairs and I'll ask him if he wants x or x for breakfast depending on what we have. He has morning snack at daycare like 20mins after we arrive so I usually just give him something small like a yogurt, bear paw, muffin, slice of toast, granola bar and sometimes he likes to get his own milk but I'll usually get it for him.

While he's eating, I get my shoes on, all my stuff together for work, anything he needs to take to daycare and run everything out to the car in the garage. When he's finished eating we do a quick tidy up of any dishes we used and go to the front door where I usually put his shoes on for him to make it easier and sometimes get him to do his own jacket. We definitely have mornings that are difficult but for the most part this works for us. I try to reassure him if he gets upset about something or give him options if it's possible but remain firm on the end goal or getting out the door. I really try not to lose my cool because I don't want to start our day off like that then leave him at school.

 

[daughterofaking]

@priya12 I have a chart of all the things we need to do in the morning. As we accomplish a task we move a pin down the chart if kiddo does all the things they get to listen to a song while in the car. Usually moana. I know you walk so maybe get a speaker. But routine and celebrate each goal. “YOU GOT YOUR SHOES GOOD JOB! Let’s move the pin!” Having a visual picture of what each thing is, I took photos of each activity and printed wallet size photos to put on a board.

 

[marijuanastr]

@priya12 My daughter is almost 3 and I do the morning routine every day. I try to keep things more or less the same. Wake up, she helps me feed and let out the dogs, we go potty, then she eats breakfast while I make her lunch. I get myself ready then get her dressed. If shes being slow going to her room I just tell her, "thats fine, I can pick out your outfit today." and without fail she always comes running. I ask her if she wants to wear a dress or pants, and we narrow things down from there.

As others have said I would suggest narrowing it down to 2 choices for things and letting her choose from there. I tell mine, make a choice or I make the choice for you. It's not a threat, just letting her know what will happen since we don't have time to mess around. If she wants to wear a dress up outfit or bathing suit or something I just say "Sorry thats not an option today" and leave it at that. Maybe laying out things the night before would be helpful.

 

[godsgirl1972]

@priya12 I wake mine up about 10 minutes before we're out the door.

I wake her up and give her a hug (that's for me really). Stand her up next to her bed, half asleep still. Undress her, put her pull up in the trash, put on her school clothes, and shuffle her to her chair where her breakfast snack is waiting. She sleepily eats the food as I pack the kids bags and then do her hair while she's eating. As time to leave creeps up, I warn the kids 'time to go, finish last bites'. Then I pick up bowls and tell her to brush her teeth as I put her jacket on. The older kid puts his on. Then I tell everyone 'okay, line up for a picture for momma'. (Mornings that I do it i send a picture to their mom as she goes to work before we all wake up). Then we get in the car.

So, sleepily we get it done quick and there's just no time to object to anything. Only time to eat snack. Hurry hurry hurry.

There have been some crying mornings to be sure. But then it's still just her crying as she's dragged through the routine. I think now she just knows there's no point in it. Hurry hurry hurry.