When are you getting to spend time with your babies?
- Thread starter eric1844
- Start date
@katrina2017 yes. after coming back from leave i realized full time was not doable for me and i went down to 60% of my billable goal. other firms in my market pay more but i’m willing to stick with mine because they’ve been flexible and (for the most part) willing to recognize me as a whole person who is a mom AND a lawyer.
@billyjoel My firm is literally the BEST out there. They are so supportive of our personal lives. Our second named partner (we’re in a small firm of 9 attorneys) is a mom but much older than me. They don’t get in my business and if I wanted to, I could totally wfh.
My problem is focusing. When Im in the office, it’s so easy to stick to my tasks. If I take LO to the babysitters while I wfh, it’s the same as going to the office.
Im the breadwinner in our family, so changing my billables would greatly decrease my pay (I’m hourly based on billables + bonus at the end of the year).
My problem is focusing. When Im in the office, it’s so easy to stick to my tasks. If I take LO to the babysitters while I wfh, it’s the same as going to the office.
Im the breadwinner in our family, so changing my billables would greatly decrease my pay (I’m hourly based on billables + bonus at the end of the year).
@eric1844 As a working parent, this is the worst part. I get about an hour in the morning and about 2 hours in the evening. That also can change due to the nature of my work. It sucks. There is no easy way to say it. Weekends he has my full attention. I try to take him on outings and explore what we can find. In the end, I’ll say it again it sucks.
@pilgrim3d It does suck! I had a flat tire the other day. I had to rush to Costco to try and get it fixed and didn’t get home until after LO went to sleep. I also left before he woke up so I didn’t even get to see him that day.
@eric1844 No, I know people who have done that but I’m not sure how and it wouldn’t be feasible for my job. For me, the wfh advantage is just that I don’t have to commute and get dressed up. On days I’m in office I’m out of the house from 730-630, and on days I work remotely he is out of the house 830-430, so I get back about 3 hours.
bartgroot96
New member
@eric1844 The hard thing is your hours. I work early shift 7 or 8 to 4 and pick my kid up right after. I am with her 4-8 when she goes to bed. My husband is an attorney: some days home at 5 some days not til after 8. Its a trade off.
Ideal would be you going to work later and spending morning with your kid and your partner picking up in the afternoon and getting the evening with them.
Ideal would be you going to work later and spending morning with your kid and your partner picking up in the afternoon and getting the evening with them.
@bartgroot96 Ugh yeah true. The idea of not ending the day with snuggles sucks. On the other hand, the idea of not waking up to my baby’s gummy smile sucks also.
byrightpaths
New member
@eric1844 I get about an hour in the morning and two in the evening (husband does pick up, I finish work earlier). Sometimes I take her in a bit later to get some hang time. Or I’ll just spend a day with her.
Honestly, set hard boundaries. Don’t work until 6. It’s the productivity in your hours, not the hours you work if you’re not an hourly. Lean on paralegals/assistants.
My ex was a lawyer so I get it - if you can’t manage that with your firm, find one that gives you flexibility/respects boundaries (hard to find I get it) or consider some kind of alternative career if you want more time. You can always hang your own hat and work when you want if you’re established in your career.
I’m self-employed and used to work 80 hour weeks pretty regularly. I rarely work 40 these days. Ironically, I make more cuz I’m more productive with the time I do have and I dropped the useless stuff.
Honestly, set hard boundaries. Don’t work until 6. It’s the productivity in your hours, not the hours you work if you’re not an hourly. Lean on paralegals/assistants.
My ex was a lawyer so I get it - if you can’t manage that with your firm, find one that gives you flexibility/respects boundaries (hard to find I get it) or consider some kind of alternative career if you want more time. You can always hang your own hat and work when you want if you’re established in your career.
I’m self-employed and used to work 80 hour weeks pretty regularly. I rarely work 40 these days. Ironically, I make more cuz I’m more productive with the time I do have and I dropped the useless stuff.
@byrightpaths Thanks for the advice and tough love. The problem I think is more myself than anything. I love being a litigation attorney and the work that I do. I just feel like there’s not enough time in a day to be a trial attorney and a mom 
sheasapothecarys
New member
@eric1844 I WFH mostly. LO is 13 months goes to nursery Mon and Fri 8:15-5:30 so I only get about 45 min in the morning and 1.5-2 hours in the evening on those days. The rest of the week we have a nanny in the house. So when I have a break from meetings I'll pop out of the office and say hello.
On days I go into the office I see her maybe 1 hour max in the morning and she's asleep by the time I get home. Being able to WFH and go in slightly later on the days I work in the office is really the only way I get more time with her.
My husband is mostly WFH as well but on the days he goes into the office he maybe sees her for 15 min before he leaves and she's in bed by the time he's home as we have a 1.5 hour commute each way when we do go into the office.
On days I go into the office I see her maybe 1 hour max in the morning and she's asleep by the time I get home. Being able to WFH and go in slightly later on the days I work in the office is really the only way I get more time with her.
My husband is mostly WFH as well but on the days he goes into the office he maybe sees her for 15 min before he leaves and she's in bed by the time he's home as we have a 1.5 hour commute each way when we do go into the office.
josephhayes
New member
@eric1844 Yea same here. My job moved back to full time in office (no more wfh) while I was out on maternity leave. It sucks. We picked our daycare based on the alleged “permanent” wfh policy that got yanked the second I went out. TBH I’ll probably end up changing jobs, even though I likely wouldn’t have otherwise, just to get some more flexibility.
kumari5050
New member
@eric1844 Don't forget the hour or two in the middle of the night. /s (but not really).
I changed careers when my first was about 1 yo because I wasn't getting home until about 6:30 or so, and I hated it. I went to a place where my schedule was more 8-4:30.
I'm not an attorney, but have a lot of friends and family who are...it is a very hard career for a mom because there is still so much "old boys network" and oversized importance on being seen in the office for long hours, even if you're just as able to do the same or more with fewer hours there. I'm sorry, and hope you can figure something out that works for you.
I changed careers when my first was about 1 yo because I wasn't getting home until about 6:30 or so, and I hated it. I went to a place where my schedule was more 8-4:30.
I'm not an attorney, but have a lot of friends and family who are...it is a very hard career for a mom because there is still so much "old boys network" and oversized importance on being seen in the office for long hours, even if you're just as able to do the same or more with fewer hours there. I'm sorry, and hope you can figure something out that works for you.
jellofishxo
New member
@eric1844 I don’t know if it’s possible for you to leave earlier, but having flexibility to leave around 4-4:30, get dinner, ready and eat as a family is when we spend the most time with our kids. We try to go for a walk or let them play outside for a bit, some nights it’s bath night, and then they are in bed by 7-8. It’s definitely difficult when they are really young. I remember when my kids were infants thinking that I got zero time with them. They are toddlers now, and it is still difficult, but a little less hectic because they can just eat what we eat (do they? Rarely, but at least I’m not worried about nursing or feeding or baby food!)
katrina2017
New member
@eric1844 My son is 9 months. He goes to bed around 8:30pm and wakes up between 6:30am and 7:15am. I work from home so I leave work to pick him up from daycare at 4:30pm. The daycare is less than 10 minutes away from our house. We have those 3.5-4 hours together in the evening plus 1.5-2 hours in the morning as my husband drops him off between 8:30am and 9am. We also spend the weekends together.
I will say if the daycare wasn't so close and if I didn't work remotely, we'd probably only have 2 hours a day during the weekdays.
I will say if the daycare wasn't so close and if I didn't work remotely, we'd probably only have 2 hours a day during the weekdays.
themagicman
New member
@eric1844 It's so hard some days even though I have no desire to stay home with the kids(i do not have the personality to be a good sahm). We do a lot of cosleeping, so I guess I don't seem them as much during the day, but I get cuddles when they join us both kids(2 and 4) start in their bed, but we don't take them back to it if they come and join us in ours. We did cosleep with a sidecarred crib when the kids were infants. Otherwise, I try to focus on quality over quantity. We do a lot of playing with the kids, taking them on walks, just started board games let them help cook dinner. It's all about being together and really focusing on each other.
both kids(2 and 4) start in their bed, but we don't take them back to it if they come and join us in ours. We did cosleep with a sidecarred crib when the kids were infants. Otherwise, I try to focus on quality over quantity. We do a lot of playing with the kids, taking them on walks, just started board games let them help cook dinner. It's all about being together and really focusing on each other.mgreen7677
New member
katrina2017
New member
@eric1844 I’m an attorney and so is my husband, we both work government jobs, which means we are 90% of the time “off the clock” by 5pm. So we get about 90 minutes or so of family time in the evenings (he’s got a 7pm bedtime) and about an hour in the morning, he gets up at about 6, we drop him off at daycare around 7, and are working by 8.
We make the most of weekends!
We make the most of weekends!