When are you getting to spend time with your babies?

[mickeynine]

@eric1844 I haven’t read all the other comments, but attorney mom here as well. I was a litigation associate when both my kids were born, and after my 8 week maternity leave they let me work half days for 4 weeks. After a couple of months of not seeing my baby at all essentially, I went part time. So 8-4:30 with some Fridays off instead of regular associate hours. There were trade offs but it was worth it.

 

[pinoydude]

@eric1844 Also an attorney. I work from home and baby goes to daycare until my husband picks him up on his way back home from work.

My hours are 8 am -6 pm with over 200 cases.

Basically, our day to day looks like this:

Wake up at 6:30. Nurse baby and change his night diaper out for a regular day diaper. I put him at his activity mat for play while I prep his daycare bag. If we have time, I sit on the floor and play with him or we snuggle.

Leave for daycare by 7:15 am. Arrive at 7:30 am and get home for work at 7:45 am. Log in at 8.

Work my butt off until husband brings baby home which might be 3-4 or even 5 pm. As soon as baby comes through the door, I feed him and we change his diaper again. I play with him or snuggle him. He usually takes a brief nap or plays with Dad until I'm off for sure.

Most of the time, once the baby comes through the door, I'm doing work from my phone and either playing with baby or snuggling him while he naps on me (everything in our office is digital so no paper and everything can be done anywhere). I delegate, delegate, delegate, and review.

Baby is asleep by 7:30/8 pm and we snuggle. While he sleeps, I'll go through work chats or tasks and complete the ones I can. Otherwise, I will watch TV or play Breath of the Wild.

On weekends, I am 100% focused on baby and family. My firm really stresses a healthy work-life balance and all the big attorneys in the firm have children of their own, including babies, so they get it.

We also only work four days a week, so on my weekday off, I put baby to daycare and take my me time (because, otherwise, I literally get none).

 

[mal2jewel]

@eric1844 I WFH two days a week which helps me gain about an extra hour each day which I use with the little one.

I've worked with my work to shift my work hours to earlier to make daycare drop-offs and pick-ups easier.

I also have a hard stop of 4:30pm when I'm at the office so that I have time to pick up the LO, make supper and spend time with her. I then work for another couple of hours in the evening if necessary.

 

[jonz84]

@eric1844 In-house! The hours are so much better.

I know this advice can sound daunting. Before I went in-house, it seemed impossible. I went to a good law school, but not top ten. I thought in-house was only for someone who went to Stanford or worked in big law. It's not! I worked in government and then small firm.

I truly never thought I would be able to go in-house, but I looked for companies in industries that were related to cases I had worked on, and really tailored my resume to them.

If in-house isn't what you're looking for, government can also be a good option. The pay can be good depending on your area, but the hours are almost always better than a firm.

 

[fadi]

@eric1844 I work 4 days a week, 10 hour days starting at 6am. Sometimes I do 10.5. I get about 30 minutes before she is ready for bed in the evenings after her Dad picks her up from daycare and gets home. I don't pick her up anymore because he works 10 minutes down the road where as the drive from work to daycare to home for me would be an hour. I try to make up for all the lost time on my 3 days off, but Im also a reservist so in the next 11 days, I will have 1 day off with her.

Its rough for sure, I just try to maximize my time with her on my weekends.

 

[gypht]

@eric1844 I was gonna say gotta WFH. I don’t know how people go to an office. But I’m spoiled. Been remote employee since 2018. Obviously if you can swing WFH at your company. I’m in tech, so it’s been more normalized. I a lot of flexibility as well.

 

[katrina2017]

@eric1844 I work 24-48 (rarely up to a 60) hour shifts. I’m gone for days at a time. That does leave me my full days off with him. He gets me 1-2 days in a row before I go back to 1-2 days. He’s usually in bed 7-8 pm, and I leave before he wakes up or I wake him to take him to my mom. Days I work he gets me for only a few minutes, if I’m working 48, he doesn’t see me at all for nearly 2 full days. Add in my class schedule, thankfully all online, and time is even more limited. I just try to make most of all of my time that I am with him.

 

[conniekane018]

@eric1844 I negotiated Fridays off at my job while I was pregnant. Said that I could complete the same amount of work doing 4 days a week, and if I ever became unproductive, that they could bring me back in on Fridays.

Having a company that supports you helps a LOT. Outside of outrageous childcare costs, I imagine this is another big reason why a lot of moms end up quitting their jobs.

 

[classic123]

@eric1844 Mom attorney here, too. I thought about going solo after having baby #2 and not being happy with my schedule at my old firm but ended up partnering with a solo practitioner in my city who I work well with-we both have young children, similar vibes, and get along well. We’re flexible with each other and our staff so that we can all have a good work life balance.

 

[standseo]

@eric1844 I'm 8-4:30 ish M-F now which is a HUGE change. I have made it clear this is my availability and is not negotiable. My family is my #1. I love on my family before and after work and plan fun weekends or lazy around with snuggles.

 

[prieldedi]

@eric1844 I remember how hard this was. I felt like I only really saw my kids during the weekend, and just got to nurse and say goodnight during the week. It was heartbreaking.
Someone else was essentially raising them.
But, apart from our heartbreak, the kids are fine. They love you, and the time you do get with each other is SUCH quality time. You're both looking forward to it, and the love is so intense That's all that matters

 

[brokendaily]

@eric1844 My 2.5yo has very low sleep needs and is a night owl. She goes to bed around 10pm and wakes up between 7-8am. In the morning it’s always a rush to get out the door so I wouldn’t count that as quality time. But in the evening we have from 5.30-10pm, sometimes longer if our daughter napped during the day, so that’s plenty of time!

It’s hard to make every moment of that 4.5 hours quality time because we both work full-time and we’re tired in the evenings while our kid is running on full energy. There is inevitably 30-60min of screen time after dinner because we (that is all 3 of us) just need to relax and be introverts for a while. But we do our best to not do too much screens, and involve our kid in household tasks, talk and read together, go for a walk, play hide and seek, build couch forts, etc.

 

[pencrests]

@eric1844 I work full time in healthcare. I work 24 hour shifts and then work from home 1 day a week. I am gone 1-2 days a week at work.

It has its pros and cons, but for me it's worth it while my kids are little. I am with them almost every day, I feel like I get the benefit of being a full time mom as well as having a full time career.

Downsides are that I'm typically tired most days of the week (some days absolutely exhausted). I don't have a normal sleep schedule, being up for 24 hours is brutal, my job takes an emotional toll on me as it is an ICU.

 

[jesussaves623]

@eric1844 It's so hard! I'm a physician and my hours used to be 8am to 5/6ish. I had a 4 month glorious maternity leave before returning back to work. My husband is a stay at home Dad. I realized quickly that I wanted to be home more and the only way I could make that happen is to be as productive as possible with the hours I am there and be ok with not everything getting finished that day. I try to be quicker in my documentation. I batch my work so similar things are all getting done at once. I'm trying to be a better delegator of tasks I have nursing and social work help for. I still do a lot of work at home in the evenings and on weekends, but it is better than before. On average my in office hours are now 7:30am - 3:30pm so I can be there for a trip to the park, dinner, bath and bedtime.

 

[tcbelieve]

@eric1844 I work from home 3 days a week, which saves some time. I see my kids 1-2 hours in the morning and 1-2 hours in the evening. I work 8.30 a.m. - 5.00 p.m. roughly and then 1-2 hours in the evening (after kids are in bed) twice a week or so, depending on my workload.

I feel ok with the amount of time I spend with the kids because weekends, vacation days, public holidays, sick days,…all add up. Sometimes when I feel bad for working full time I remind myself that my kids get me for 104 weekend days + 30 vacation days + 11 public holidays which equals 145 days per year or more than 1/3 of my time.

Even if you’re in the US with just 10 paid vacation days and public holidays you’re spending 30% of your days not working (I hope). All of that time adds up, in addition to the hours you spend with your kids during the work week.

 

[kitty88]

@eric1844 Fellow attorney mom. I work in public interest at an org with good work/life balance so I’m not working more than 45 hours most weeks. I commute ~45 min (about 20 min in, 25 back) twice a week, but wfh the rest of the time. I do have to travel about 2 days a month, so that factors in and increases my work time for those couple days, but overall, I usually have my evenings (from 4:30-7:30 on WFH days and 5-7:30 on office days) and weekends to spend with my family. I also have from 6/7-8:30 in the morning with baby. Husband is a prosecutor and has a similar deal, except he goes in 5 days/week and commutes 40 min each way and starts his day at 8, so he has less morning time.

Obviously a public interest or government career isn’t for everyone, but it’s worked great for us as a way to prioritize family time.

I also have my pump times and end of day time on my calendar so people don’t try to schedule meetings with me during those times.

 

[wendysanderlin]

@eric1844 I settle for shit money as a teacher because the schedule is good.

I know it’s not helpful for you as a lawyer, but that’s how I do it.

 

[gateforce]

@eric1844 I think about it in terms of how much time I’m spending percentage wise of my baby’s waking hours. My baby sleeps like 12-14 hours a day. I spend about 4 waking hours with him outside of work. That doesn’t feel like a lot to me, but that’s around a third of his awake hours.

 

[outlawingrace]

@eric1844 My husband is an attorney and I work in a science lab. I go to work at 5:30/6am and pick her up around 4pm and I do dinner and bed. Sometimes my husband is home in time, most times he is not. Like tonight, its 10pm and he is still at work. My husband does mornings and drop off with her since I am already at work. So he gets a little less than 2 hours if he comes home late, I get like 3 hours since she goes to bed at 7/7:30.

Having different schedules sucks for joint family time, but sure helps so that she doesn't go to daycare super early or stay super late.

I do regularly work weekends to make up time (very flexible work schedule), but I cap my time to a few hours on a Sat starting at 5am, so I usually get home right after she wakes up.

 

[bra56avi]

@eric1844 Boundaries, if you can. I’m in healthcare and I told my hospital my schedule needed to end at 3:30. I still see the same amount of patients, just in less time. Usually things are not finished when I leave. I come in earlier the next day to finish them if I can. Some things get accomplished slower. For demanding jobs, I imagine you will need to decide if you want to sacrifice mornings or evenings with your LO - personally I prefer mornings (my LO is always in a much better mood in the morning, as am I ) but right now my husband is on seconds so I prioritize our evenings. Getting done by 4 means we have time to go to the park, play at home, eat dinner together, take a bath, do bedtime routine, and be in bed by 8-8:30. I’m out the door before he is awake in the morning, but it gives me the flexibility to see him more in the afternoon. Sometimes if I need to be home in the mornings, I work after bedtime, but I try to avoid it. I’m not particularly efficient working that late and my IQ seems to drop about 10 points after 9pm I also think a little time for self-care is important - after bedtime I try to reserve for being as unproductive as possible