What's a normal day like for ya'll? And also how was your parenting different if/when you were pregnant?

[shotmike]

Everyday I basically feel aimless and guilty about everything I do all day and I think its because I didn't have a stay at home parent growing up so I don't know what the daily norms are. I'm always anxious about what I SHOULD be doing no matter what I'm doing. It would help alot if I could get some perspective of what's normal and what isn't.

Also I'm pregnant so I'm tired, often feeling sick and less playful with my 2 year old than before, so that has been adding another layer of guilt.

It also doesn't help that my husband's mother was a sahm and she had 7 kids, homeschooled all of them, made home-cooked meals with no msg everyday, and they never had sugar cereal or watched much TV. Her husband helped her 0. It was also her choice to have 7! And to homeschool. Her husband wanted to stop after 4 and wanted the kids to go to school but she argued and got her way instead. She chose way more work!!!! I feel I'll never measure up to her. Is this normal? I have tons of help from my husband and still don't accomplish as much as she did.

 

[chrishasqt]

@shotmike Perspective is always helpful, but you do a disservice to your anxiety and guilt if you compare yourself to your MIL (or to others).

Your present condition is that you are a SAHP, with a 2 year old and pregnant. That is the now that matters and my advice to you is to... embrace it. Try not to worry too much with what you SHOULD be doing, but what you WANT to do.

Be gentle to yourself, you got this

 

[easternorthodox]

@shotmike My routine as a SAHM now is completely the opposite as it was when I was a pregnant SAHM. Give yourself some grace. Don't feel bad about screentime, too many snacks or take out. When baby is here and a bit older you can focus on a routine

 

[floridaman]

@shotmike Well back then they had heroin and cocaine in OTC cough syrup so....

 

[uniquescreenname]

@floridaman No they didn’t

 

[floridaman]

@uniquescreenname Probably not lol I'm just old I guess

 

[katrina2017]

@shotmike Honestly just any form of cleaning and if you dont feel like it, then just spend time with your kid(s). Even if you dont actually play with them, then just turn on music and sing to em, or try to have them do what your doing

 

[peppermint_patty]

@shotmike

1. Things were super different a generation ago, you really can’t compare yourself to your MIL
2. Parenting while pregnant is the worstttt. I spent most of my time with my kids last year lying on the couch in our playroom while they drove their toy cars on the arms of the couch or the cushions. It was close enough to quality time, but light years away from my standard of parenting when my body is able to function! Pregnancy doesn’t last forever. This year we’re back to art projects and sensory bins and fun outings. Three kids, even when one is a baby, has been WAY easier to manage than two kids while pregnant.
   And I was lucky! I was working last year and it was all virtual so I got to sit at a desk most of the day! Weekends when I was home with the kids all the time were exhausting. It’s ok to give yourself the space to rest, you also have to do what’s right for your new baby! Best of luck, mama

 

[leoniida]

@shotmike That is not normal. Most people have difficulty with even one child, in public school no less. I'm not sure if your husband is pulling his mom as a card to make you feel bad by comparing you to her, but every person is different obviously; And your MIL is one of a kind, that's for sure. That's great that she accomplished so much, but she's not the normal standard to measure mother's up against. your husband and you may need to sit down and figure out a more realistic way to gauge your productivity. Some women are just absolutely wiped out during pregnancy, growing a whole fucking person, I think that's quite enough productivity really

 

[lmarieh]

@shotmike This is so exciting for you. Make your routine what you want. I’m not technically “Stay at home” but my work has changed so much during COVID and I find myself at home most of the week doing my office/admin work and go out to work a few times a week (work in fashion and visit stores around the country). I’m 40w pregnant and I worried about the routines I’ll put in place from meal planning to everything else with a newborn and my SS5M possibly coming to live with us, while his mom settles back in the US. There is also my SS13M who drives me up the wall. I have to calm myself daily and just know that I can make any routine I like and it doesn’t have to mirror anyone else’s.

Be easy on yourself. The way I structure my life is with the mentality of “work smarter, not harder”.