What to do for working mom of two that just lost her husband?

[invisiblyme]

@davidsanya Amazing! Single mom here! Lawn work is so daunting.

 

[dsal]

@davidsanya I’m so sorry . That is such a kind person though

 

[windchaser]

@davidsanya People can be wonderful

 

[justkevin85]

@invisiblyme Never been in this position but 100% this would be my worry. Like, how DO you take care of a yard as a single parent household when your kids are too little to stay inside by themselves while you mow?!

 

[demonslayer410]

@justkevin85 Oh I’ll never forget my hard earned lesson of weed eating in shorts while my little lovies were in the house. I wrapped my ankle and my angels locked me out of the house on purpose.

 

[whydontwe]

@justkevin85 Nap time or when he's in daycare.

 

[zebdesmond]

@whydontwe I truly don't want to sound like I'm pulling a "devils advocate" thing, but in my personal situation, my children only nap while driving or being walked in a carriage, and if I had to do lawn care when they're in daycare, it means I would need to take a few hours off from work to get it done.

For this reason, I'm a fan of buying a lawn service for the widow

 

[acedeck]

@zebdesmond This. I’ve never mowed a lawn before. My husband and I have a deal. Figuring out how to do it without him would destroy me emotionally.

 

[zebdesmond]

@acedeck You're so right. I didn't even consider the emotional impact of having to learn and execute a task that's 100% the late husband's.

 

[whydontwe]

I'm getting down-voted for just sharing my experience as a widowed mother with an infant, and how I've had to deal with it. Sure, lawn service would have been nice. So would food. Neither one of those things materialized. Instead I got dozens of flower bouquets and watched those die too.

 

[afterhours]

@whydontwe None of the context is in your comment so it comes across as flippant. I'm sure no one intended to dismiss your experience at all, and I'm sorry you went through that

 

[whydontwe]

@afterhours "Am going through that". It's not past tense, it's just life.

Our villages these days aren't very solid for most. The outpouring of help doesn't last long and loss of a partner can last for years, or forever if you don't find a new partner. So....I mow the grass when my 9 month old is sleeping or in daycare. That's just reality.

 

[katrina2017]

@whydontwe I’m deeply sorry that you had to experience that

 

[bigbossjock]

@hman A baby sitter or someone who can help get the kids to school, or take them to the playground, keep them occupied, and / or a mothers helper who can help with cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc

 

[goughyy]

@bigbossjock This - mothers helper especially. More time to connect with the kids and focus on the present.

 

[chrisitanmom]

@hman Recently widowed here

Collect Cash- Life insurance does not pay out for a few months. Funerals- even cremations are 3-4K. My work did this for my family and I and it made it easier.

Food- meal train is great. Start it two weeks after the death. The elderly bring lots of food at the beginning but it tapers off. I could have used the help with meals after the chaos of the funeral and trying to survive afterwards.

Help with thank you cards-not sure why the f this tradition is expected. My mind was so out of sorts but I was reminded that I “needed” to send thank yous.

Arrange a visit-bring the wine/liquor/ snacks and someone to keep the kiddos busy. This is not always wanted but I sure as hell appreciated it.

Show up after all the chaos is over and offer a cup of coffee. So many people promise to check in but rarely is it kept. It gets really lonely.

 

[jeremiah17]

@chrisitanmom Thank you cards were expected for a funeral?! That sounds so ridiculous to me…. I’m so sorry people got on your case about that!

 

[lostinthailand]

@jeremiah17 Thank you cards are a goddamn plague and I am desperate for us to be the generation that eradicates it. I just got done sending the cards from my older daughter’s birthday (4/2) and now have to begin working on the cards for all of the things from the infant’s birth (4/19). I’m literally constantly behind on thank you cards and it’s the last thing I want to do while trying to keep a newborn alive and a toddler emotionally well and dealing with my husband’s Illness and keeping myself from drowning.

 

[jeremiah17]

@lostinthailand I agree with letting thank you cards be a relic of a politer, but also more rigid, past. I’m not vehemently against them for MAJOR celebrations, like a wedding, but…for minor birthdays, especially for kids? For things that are upsetting, like funerals? Just do the kind thing and don’t get offended if someone doesn’t send formal acknowledgement of the kind thing, please, let’s normalize that.

Disclaimer, I’m from a family background that doesn’t have a practice of doing thank you cards, so they’ve always felt alien to me. I understand and, to some extent, appreciate the notion behind them…but they generally seem way too stressful for what they’re for a lot of the time….

 

[syrak]

@jeremiah17 One of my worst memories from my freshman year of high school is after my grandma died was sitting around the table with my mom and grandpa, filling out thank you card to send to people after the funeral. My grandma was involved with a large nonprofit and people donated to create a scholarship in her honor so we had a lot of thank you to fill out. My grandpa and mom cried the whole time and all I wanted to do is curl up and cry.