What to do for working mom of two that just lost her husband?

[bbradlovesgod]

@hman I would do a laundry service, pre natal massage while you babysit, credits for a maid service, grocery delivery service of some basics

 

[mcantrell1973]

@hman Many great idea here already. Dog walking service if they have a dog would probably be appreciated too.

 

[stefanie1977]

@hman Set up a go fund me? If it wouldn’t offend her? No doubt she will need some help with only one income.

 

[andy212]

@hman That is very kind of you to want to reach out… I would think help with meals would be most pressing (so maybe a gift card to a local restaurant that provides pick up)?

 

[rettz]

@hman If a lot of people want to help, you could organize a meal train — people who sign up to bring a meal for the family on a certain day. That way you don’t overload her freezer or refrigerator, and she has one less thing she must do every day.

A gift certificate for maid service, again one less thing. If you have kids around her kids’ ages, invite them to your house to play for the afternoon. Or take them somewhere fun. Grief can be overwhelming if you’re in the middle of it. The kids will need a break and to do normal things to get away from the stress.

 

[mamabear0213]

@hman I haven’t gone through this but @spilledmilkmamma on IG has. Give her a follow - she talks a lot about her grief and what is helpful and how her “team” shows up for her.

Giving a newly single mama food and childcare for as much of the first couple of years as possible is ideal. Yes, years.

 

[dewright]

@hman Meals, respite childcare (if she is comfortable with it), grocery gift cards, help with household chores like laundry.

There is a website called lotsahelpinghands.com where you can create a community care calendar. Years ago, I was part of a group who used this for a new widower and his two kids. People signed up /scheduled the days they were bringing meals and listed what they were bringing, which helped alleviate getting multiples of the same meal in the same week. You can also add notes like favorites, dislikes, and allergies or whatever pertains to the schedule that you are creating.

 

[shirokisaragi]

@hman My husband lost his first wife when his children were 3 years old and 2 months old. Few things that were the biggest help: Hire a cleaning company to come every couple of weeks. Food service of some sort. He said his neighborhood pitched in and got him Blue Apron, which was delicious but he said he spent too much time cooking and cleaning so full meal delivery would have been more helpful (Factor was awesome for him). Lastly, offer to help with child care. Even if it’s picking them up from school or a couple hours of watching them in the afternoon before they can get home from work. That was his biggest challenge as he has a very demanding job.

 

[sherlockpwns]

@hman My classmate just died leaving a husband and a toddler. That was been done (not by me I just contributed)

1. Food delivery (grocery and take out). It was a “train” with assigned dates and people
2. Gofundme - I believe the plan is to put towards college fund
3. Babysitting

I’d say sending cleaning service, babysitter, and groceries would be helpful. Even if it’s just a few day break. Offering help with kids drop off and pickups from daycare/ school

 

[harleslee]

@hman My friend was in a similar situation last year. We set up hot meals day of and takeout for her, plus some frozen meals, and also brought ingredients for simple meals (think spaghetti and premade meatballs). We also set up a go fund me for daycare costs and set up a babysitting rotation calendar, as well as scheduled check ins on certain days. We each took a day of the week and while that feels not the most genuine because it's not spontaneous, having someone with accountability worked in this situation. I remember texting her on one of my days and she just couldn't find the strength to get out of the house to buy toothpaste, so I brought her some. It's hard to anticipate what someone will need day to day, but if people are asking and willing to help, those needs can get met. I still text her every Thursday a year later even just to tell her I love her

 

[tim10001]

@hman In addition to the support now, My suggestion is to mark your calendar for a couple months down the road and schedule something and have a real check-in with them then as well.

When my ex was going through Chemo everyone showed up the first couple weeks - like, our freezer was overflowing and we were so blessed. But people go back to their lives and a few months in hardly anyone checks in. My own grief and exhaustion/burnout from caregiving didn’t start until his chemo was done. He could still barely walk down the block, but the respite dried up.

 

[halle]

@hman This is really not the same, but last year in January my FSIL was hit by a drunk driver and was in a coma for like a month and a half, she has a TBI and is still recovering to this day. My FMIL was on the phone with her when the accident happened and I overheard the entire thing because she was on speaker. We knew immediately it was an accident. Something that really helped us when we were going through it was people bringing us meals, people raised money for us, people came to visit so we weren’t alone. It was a scary time but having a sense of community helped significantly.

 

[xshawnyboix]

@hman Food delivery gift cards, grocery store gift cards, gas gift cards, prepaid local kid activities, kids museum, outdoor type park, if they go to summer camp pay for a session or two; depending on budget and price. There’s a book called Angel Catcher. People can record memories and stories. There’s adult and kid versions. Thanks for being a good human and caring. I own a funeral home and post funeral, when everyone goes back to “normal” life is hard for grieving people.

 

[smithmiller67]

@hman I'm a single mom of 3 - my husband is an alcoholic not living at home. Here's what I ask for:

- Freezer meals (especially breakfasts)

- Help with childcare so I can get time alone

- Activity kits - I don't have time to plan crafts but the kids love them. Having someone plan and provide materials makes for such stress-free weekends

- Deep cleaning - I can usually cover day/day but the deep cleaning stuff (cleaning the fridge, baseboards, etc) doesn't get done often

- Door Dash gift cards - I have no way of just running to get food after the kids go to bed.

- Grocery delivery membership/credits

Sometimes it's hard to think of what to ask for - so I would suggest giving her a list and asking to please tell which of those she would find the most useful. It's hard to ask for help but still much appreciated.

 

[htblind]

@hman My husband passed away in Oct, leaving me with a 4 month old. I second the comments about money and also childcare help. It gets very overwhelming out of nowhere sometimes, and to be able to stop away to ugly cry or break stuff or whatever without feeling guilty is very much needed.

 

[katrina2017]

@hman My husband died when my kids were young, not as young as the mom you are talking about though. I really appreciated the people that sent money, as I was a SAHM at the time and the life insurance policy that my husband had was not a lot.

Also, your time. Get introduced to her, if you haven't already, and be willing to help with whatever, or just be a friend. Don't offer your time, or anything, if you don't intend to follow through. Nothing was more frustrating than having people say "let me know if you need anything" and when I asked... well, they were busy or whatever.

I encourage you and your friends to give her gift cards to restaurants in the area so she can get whatever they feel like having. Some people brought food but I always felt really awkward with that, and that was also way before covid.

 

[photine]

@hman When my husband had a life-changing accident, he was lifted to a hospital almost 500 miles away from home. I went to be with him, and people in our extended family, church, and work fed my kids for 4 weeks. They sent their cleaners to my house. They transported and accompanied my kids to school dances and Little League games and grocery shopping. They even made modifications to the house to allow my husband to come home from the hospital, and planted flowers in my front yard. And they held a fundraising concert to cover the medical bills that insurance didn't.

When the day lilies in my yard bloom, I am reminded how my community cared for us when we were in need. It changed me as a person.

Thank you for caring for the bereaved family in your community. It means so much!

 

[thaphenomenalone]

@hman Apply for SS death benefits for your 2 children. So sorry for your loss

 

[itsgo0d]

@hman I’d find out if there is a go fund me. A friend from college is about to lose her husband from a long battle with brain cancer and she has a 5 year old. We have all just been donating to an account—then she can decide how to spend it based on her needs and especially the cost of being off work. It’s heartbreaking.

 

[eltejano]

@hman Take the kids to the playground, gift certificates for restaurants that do to-go dinners or deliveries, gift cards to Walmart for essentials like household items or groceries, Go Fund Me, reach out to churches to see if they can help pay some bills or alleviate some other needs/concerns.