mercantilewriter
New member
Here's the background for what I' updating:
So, first of all, thanks so much for the advice and support I've received over the past several days. I wasn't expecting anywhere near the amount of messages and comments I got. The past few days have obviously been extremely busy so I'm sorry if I wasn't able to reply to most comments.
I Left on Thursday to go and meet Jack. It was a 3 hour drive. My boss told me I could have a couple weeks off with pay (I work in finance/property development so I'm able to work from home easily) and then I could probably go on paternity leave. When I got to the foster home, the social worker introduced us, apparently she had previously told him who I was but only introduced me by my first name. Obviously it was awkward but it overall went well. Afterwards, the 3 of us (jack, me and the social worker) went to his old home to get some of his stuff, a 2 bedroom suite in a public housing co-op. I have to admit, the place was a total rats nest. I knew that his mother had been on drugs, but the entire suite took me by surprise. I told him that we could take anything he wanted, he mostly grabbed toys and clothes. I know a lot of people asked me to bring his bedding, but he didn't have any sheets, just a comforter that was falling apart, so I opted to leave it. The management of the co-op is going to handle the disposal of the rest of the stuff in the suite. We were done by about 2 PM and then hit the road.
I had to get a car seat since it's mandatory in my province for kids under 9, so that was interesting trying to figure out how that all goes together. It was another 3 hour drive back to my place. I tried to make small talk and ask him about his life and interests, but he was obviously really shy and quiet. We stopped halfway through the drive for lunch and it was kind of the same; awkward conversation. It was kind of awkward getting him to order food since he wasn't sure of what he liked I guess, but he settled on chicken strips. He fell asleep for the rest of the drive home, which gave me a chance to digest everything that had happened over the last couple days. We finally got home around 6 PM. He went right to bed and slept through the night while I listened to parenting podcasts (yeah I know, last minute cramming). I have a 4 bedroom house so I gave him the guest room. (only other bedroom I have furnished as a bedroom).
Friday, he woke up at like 5 am and woke me up asking for breakfast. I fed him some orange juice and cereal. Afterwards, I asked him what he liked to watch and we ended up settling on Paw Patrol. I had planned on going to get him new clothes, bedding and food, but while watching TV, I saw him eyeballing my fishing rods that I keep on a rack on my front door. I asked him if he liked fishing but he said he had never been. I felt like this was a good opportunity for bonding and asked if he wanted to. with that, he lit right up and was actually smiling and exciting for the first time since we had met. I live a 10 minute walk from the ocean so we grabbed some gear and headed over. We spent 2 hours there while I showed him the basics and how to cast. He genuinely had a good time, and so did I. He actually caught one before we left and went absolutely mad laughing. I knew I had to get a picture of him holding his first fish and I almost became emotional with how happy he was. Afterwards, we went home and then went out to go shopping. I guess he hadn't really ever been able to choose his clothes and wasn't used to brand new clothes, so he was acting as if he could only choose like 3 shirts. I had to make some judgment calls as to what to get him. It was the same with buying groceries and bedding. I had thought of calling my girlfriend and inviting her over to meet him, but figured that might be a lot at once, I had told her about Jack previously and she's totally supportive, as are my friends. That night, he asked if he had to take a bath. I hadn't really thought of that but it had been 2 days now so I figured that yeah, he does need one. After getting over the whole ''I'm going to jail'' vibe of giving jack a bath, he just played in the water. I wasn't sure if I should leave him alone or not, so I just kind of sat there awkwardly before washing his hair and drying him off. Getting him to brush his teeth was a bit of a fight, apparently he didn't have to do it all that often back home but he finally agreed when we did it together. Luckily after reading reddit posts about bed-time, I figured 7 PM would be good. After putting him to bed, we finally talked about his mom dying. It was pretty messy and he cried a lot and we hugged for most of it.
Saturday was pretty relaxed and was mostly spent hanging out at home. My neighbours have elementary school-aged kids so I'm trying to figure out how to approach them to getting the kids together to play. He only turned 5 a couple weeks ago so he won't be starting kindergarten until September so I need to look into daycare down the line. Tomorrow (Monday) I plan on taking to a pediatrician to do a physical to get an idea of his health and have him refer a counsellor or therapist for Jack to help him get through this rough time. I also need to find him a dentist. He's still calling me by my first name and isn't calling me dad, I told him it's totally up to him when or if he wants to call me that. Right now I'm just trying to focus on giving him a safe environment and make sure he feels comfortable during this transition.
So far, so good...
EDIT:
a) I do not own my house; It was my grandparents originally, left to my mother. But she lives out of province so I'm in the process currently of buying her out.
b) If you're calling out about medical inaccuracies, I'm not a doctor. If it's beyond basic first aid or high school biology, I am not an authority medicine. I'm just repeating what I heard a social worker say to me after telling me that I'm a father, I was totally in shock so I may have missed some medical specifics.
c) No, Jack could not cast a fishing rod by himself, I had to stand behind him and help him hold it. But if he ever asks, it was all him...
So, first of all, thanks so much for the advice and support I've received over the past several days. I wasn't expecting anywhere near the amount of messages and comments I got. The past few days have obviously been extremely busy so I'm sorry if I wasn't able to reply to most comments.
I Left on Thursday to go and meet Jack. It was a 3 hour drive. My boss told me I could have a couple weeks off with pay (I work in finance/property development so I'm able to work from home easily) and then I could probably go on paternity leave. When I got to the foster home, the social worker introduced us, apparently she had previously told him who I was but only introduced me by my first name. Obviously it was awkward but it overall went well. Afterwards, the 3 of us (jack, me and the social worker) went to his old home to get some of his stuff, a 2 bedroom suite in a public housing co-op. I have to admit, the place was a total rats nest. I knew that his mother had been on drugs, but the entire suite took me by surprise. I told him that we could take anything he wanted, he mostly grabbed toys and clothes. I know a lot of people asked me to bring his bedding, but he didn't have any sheets, just a comforter that was falling apart, so I opted to leave it. The management of the co-op is going to handle the disposal of the rest of the stuff in the suite. We were done by about 2 PM and then hit the road.
I had to get a car seat since it's mandatory in my province for kids under 9, so that was interesting trying to figure out how that all goes together. It was another 3 hour drive back to my place. I tried to make small talk and ask him about his life and interests, but he was obviously really shy and quiet. We stopped halfway through the drive for lunch and it was kind of the same; awkward conversation. It was kind of awkward getting him to order food since he wasn't sure of what he liked I guess, but he settled on chicken strips. He fell asleep for the rest of the drive home, which gave me a chance to digest everything that had happened over the last couple days. We finally got home around 6 PM. He went right to bed and slept through the night while I listened to parenting podcasts (yeah I know, last minute cramming). I have a 4 bedroom house so I gave him the guest room. (only other bedroom I have furnished as a bedroom).
Friday, he woke up at like 5 am and woke me up asking for breakfast. I fed him some orange juice and cereal. Afterwards, I asked him what he liked to watch and we ended up settling on Paw Patrol. I had planned on going to get him new clothes, bedding and food, but while watching TV, I saw him eyeballing my fishing rods that I keep on a rack on my front door. I asked him if he liked fishing but he said he had never been. I felt like this was a good opportunity for bonding and asked if he wanted to. with that, he lit right up and was actually smiling and exciting for the first time since we had met. I live a 10 minute walk from the ocean so we grabbed some gear and headed over. We spent 2 hours there while I showed him the basics and how to cast. He genuinely had a good time, and so did I. He actually caught one before we left and went absolutely mad laughing. I knew I had to get a picture of him holding his first fish and I almost became emotional with how happy he was. Afterwards, we went home and then went out to go shopping. I guess he hadn't really ever been able to choose his clothes and wasn't used to brand new clothes, so he was acting as if he could only choose like 3 shirts. I had to make some judgment calls as to what to get him. It was the same with buying groceries and bedding. I had thought of calling my girlfriend and inviting her over to meet him, but figured that might be a lot at once, I had told her about Jack previously and she's totally supportive, as are my friends. That night, he asked if he had to take a bath. I hadn't really thought of that but it had been 2 days now so I figured that yeah, he does need one. After getting over the whole ''I'm going to jail'' vibe of giving jack a bath, he just played in the water. I wasn't sure if I should leave him alone or not, so I just kind of sat there awkwardly before washing his hair and drying him off. Getting him to brush his teeth was a bit of a fight, apparently he didn't have to do it all that often back home but he finally agreed when we did it together. Luckily after reading reddit posts about bed-time, I figured 7 PM would be good. After putting him to bed, we finally talked about his mom dying. It was pretty messy and he cried a lot and we hugged for most of it.
Saturday was pretty relaxed and was mostly spent hanging out at home. My neighbours have elementary school-aged kids so I'm trying to figure out how to approach them to getting the kids together to play. He only turned 5 a couple weeks ago so he won't be starting kindergarten until September so I need to look into daycare down the line. Tomorrow (Monday) I plan on taking to a pediatrician to do a physical to get an idea of his health and have him refer a counsellor or therapist for Jack to help him get through this rough time. I also need to find him a dentist. He's still calling me by my first name and isn't calling me dad, I told him it's totally up to him when or if he wants to call me that. Right now I'm just trying to focus on giving him a safe environment and make sure he feels comfortable during this transition.
So far, so good...
EDIT:
- No, I haven't told my mom yet. I plan on calling her tomorrow or the next day
- I wish I could reply to every comment but truly, thank you so much to everyone who had given their support and advice. I am in shock of the kindness that total strangers have to give
a) I do not own my house; It was my grandparents originally, left to my mother. But she lives out of province so I'm in the process currently of buying her out.
b) If you're calling out about medical inaccuracies, I'm not a doctor. If it's beyond basic first aid or high school biology, I am not an authority medicine. I'm just repeating what I heard a social worker say to me after telling me that I'm a father, I was totally in shock so I may have missed some medical specifics.
c) No, Jack could not cast a fishing rod by himself, I had to stand behind him and help him hold it. But if he ever asks, it was all him...
