Unhelpful husband

[nikkolas]

@messkat So I struggle at offloading stuff at work and have an executive coach. From what you’re describing - it sounds like you might be doing what I do at work - hand off small tasks but never really offload the true ownership of something. So I’ll give you advice that my coach gave me.

You need to tell him what you want him to “own” and describe what “owning” something entails. Example: I need you to own the baby formula. That means you know the brand we use, monitor if baby is tolerating it, stock up when you see sales, and monitor the supply/replenish it when necessary. Or I need you to own all doctors appointments - you need to schedule all the doctors runs with our kid, make sure they fit in your schedule or you coordinate a time that works for me when you’re setting the well child visit. Also, keep me informed if anything comes up during the visits.

Shift ownership - if you only delegate takes you’ll be delegating tasks for the rest of your life lol. Also understand that there will be a learning curve and that he won’t do things “your way” or perfect - but don’t criticize or take it back over

 

[jamesmason10]

@nikkolas The problem is he has to be willing and able, especially stuff like formula or doctor's appointments. Those aren't things where it doesn't matter if it's not done perfectly.

 

[matamare]

@jamesmason10 Odds are he'd weaponize incompetence it so she takes it back on her plate

 

[jamesmason10]

@matamare Maybe, but you can't just let your kid go hungry or miss important medical things to prove a point. Or at least I wouldn't.

 

[matamare]

@jamesmason10 I'm sure some men would. She probably wouldn't and then does it herself and you're right back when you started.

 

[jamesmason10]

@matamare Yes, I mean her, but what's the alternative? Starve her child? Skip vaccines? Mismatching clothes is one thing, but not everything can just be handed over if he's not on board with it.

 

[matamare]

@jamesmason10 Yeah that's basically what I said. It's nice to suggest handing over stuff to him but 1) if you still have to supervise it's still a strain and 2) depending how lazy he is (weaponized incompetence) you just can't give him some tasks

 

[nikkolas]

@matamare LADIES WTF?!?! why would you have a child with someone that either a) was too incompetent to feed a child or b) not want to help raise their child so much so that they’d neglect feeding them to prove a point.

Why the hell would you procreate with someone like that and then expect a different outcome and come to the internet to vent????? You made a horrible partner choice to have children with.