Trying for a baby as a young couple?

[samiwhitie]

@light3 Sometimes I think we might be crazy for settling in the UK and not Germany but there are pretty awesome things here I have to remember! Also think Germany is amazing for employed people and UK is slightly better for self employed!

 

[eastsideeric]

@light3 I live in the US and want to cry when I hear how well other countries take care of parents and families. I'll be lucky if I can take 12 weeks off, and I definitely won't be paid most or all of the time I do it. I'm so glad Germany takes care of its people; I wish the USA didn't hate women and children so much.

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@samiwhitie Yeah, that is right! The government in germany is really supportive for parents and maternity leave as well as for people how have difficulties in their job. You can financial support in every situation here.

Thank you so much for your answer.

 

[samiwhitie]

@mightynameofjesus I love that so much about Germany, it’s a wonderful country!

 

[candylee111]

@mightynameofjesus I wanna add in here as a young mom myself.

I just turned 24 and have a 3 month old that was planned. I think young moms get a bad reputation for little to no reasoning. It frustrates the hell out of me seeing 30+ year old women giving advice that may have applied to them not recognizing that not everyone’s life course follows the same trajectory. Just because you are young does not inherently mean your child is worse off. It breaks my heart that you have to preface this post with your achievements just to spare yourself from the trendy young mom hate.

Okay, small rant over.

You know in your heart what you want to do and what’s right in your situation even if it isn’t clear yet. Nobody online can truly make this decision for you. Do some deep thinking and talking with your husband. Do what is right for YOU! Sending baby dust your way!

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@candylee111 Thank you so much!
I am also a sad that there are so many prejudices to young moms, I talked about my achievements exactly because of this reason.

I appreciate your words so much!

I am going to take some time to think about it and to talk to my husband. And I think I will also follow the advice to get a second opinion about fertility.

 

[violinp]

@mightynameofjesus So, you have 9 years left before your Dr is worried about fertility. Personally, I'd wait until you're both done with your training courses in 1.5 years. That still leaves 7.5 years to have kids, which should be enough. It'll be a lot easier if you're earning more than 2300 euro per month in total

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@violinp No. I guess I explained it in a wrong way. My doctor is already worried about my fertility and when I asked her how the chances are she told me that she would get pregnant as soon as possible if she were me. She added that there is never the „right time“ for kids.

She said that she thinks my chances for a pregnancy are nearly zero around the time I am 30.

But I get the financial point, I am also a little worried about that. Even though I would get around 500 euro more for the kid then.

 

[enoob57]

@mightynameofjesus I personally would not make major decisions out of fear. You have a ton of time and 21 is extremely young.

 

[ursie012]

@mightynameofjesus Speak to a financial advisor about the Elterngeld and Kindergeld, as your Elterngeld my be very limited during the Ausbildung.

Speaking as a foreigner working in Germany (we have many Azubis at my company) please finish your Ausbildung before you get pregnant. It’s almost impossible to find a Kita at 12 months so you may be delayed even two years to continue your program if you leave before completion.

 

[kca741979]

@mightynameofjesus I think a lot of the comments here are colored by the fact that the commentators probably live in the US where the social security system is not so good, thus making it important to have a sturdy job before trying for children. As far as I know things are better in Germany, and kindergartens/kinderkrippen are easily affordable. I also think there are a few benefits to being a young parent, for example young people usually don't suffer from sleep deprivation as much as older people. That said I would advise you to go to a second gynecologist and ask them about your fertility worries.

 

[light3]

@mightynameofjesus I would wait until you finish your training and not more, since you’re in Germany. Prenatal care, birth and parental leave are sponsored by the state. Take as much leave as you can. Try to have all the kids you Want. You can start a career in your late 20s also. My former German roommate is just now starting a career and she is 33 and already had a kid. There is no better place to do this kind of thing than Germany I think.

 

[danmat777]

@mightynameofjesus I’d wait. 9 years is a long time before you may be less fertile. I easily got pregnant at 32. Having a child is a huge responsibility, especially for someone your age

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@danmat777 I am already less fertile. Endometriosis decreases the chances of getting pregnant around 50%. On top increases adenomyosis the chances of pregnancy loss and also reduces the chances of getting pregnant. My doc said my chances are nearly zero when I am around 30.

Why is my age the reason you think the responsibility of a child is too much? Are all women with 21 the same?

 

[danmat777]

@mightynameofjesus The human brain doesn’t stop developing until 25. So the person you are now is going to be different from the person you will be in 4 years (and more).

Finish up your training first is my opinion.

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@danmat777 I‘d say that you never stop to develop. Even though the human brain may be fully developed. Experiences and life changing events happens every lifetime and so you are developing and changing too.

 

[danmat777]

@mightynameofjesus For sure. But biologically the brain stops growing at 25 so it’s more mature at that age. Ultimately you can have a baby whenever you want though. Regardless of other peoples opinions. But raising a child is not easy

 

[candylee111]

@mightynameofjesus I don’t agree with HailTheCrimsonKing. This is unnecessary gatekeeping. Can we stop acting like a 21 year old married woman isn’t an adult? We all know what children entail.

Apparently you wake up on your 25th birthday and you are a completely different person??

 

[khadijahcarr]

@mightynameofjesus What's the policy about pregnancy leave as a kindergarten teacher in Germany? In Belgium they have to stay home as soon as they know they're pregnant, to avoid the risk of getting infected with CMV. Also maybe something to consider if this is the same case in Germany, as it could pause your job even earlier.

 

[mightynameofjesus]

@khadijahcarr It’s the same like in belgium. But since I am still in school and just have a few practical weeks every year this would be no problem and I can go to school even if I am pregnant.