Took Plan B :(

[lrkamp]

First post, so I'm sorry if I break any rules (I clicked on the guidelines but it was deleted so?). This is mostly just a vent, with some advice desired.

Fiance (FDH) and I have been together for three years now, engaged for one year. FDH is finishing up police academy and looking for a job. I work in childcare for fucking peanuts, so I can't afford anything. I currently pay back my student loans and while I don't pay for rent (i was a full time caregiver for my grandfather and he left me and my uncle the house when he passed away), but I pay for everything else, my student loans, my insurance, food, phone, utilities, etc. My uncle is a low grade hoarder so while I can handle living here, FDH cannot. A lot of our plans hinge on him getting a job. He plans to pay for the base rent of the place and help with the other things to get us our own place. Even with rent, the standard starting income for law enforcement officers around here would afford us plenty to put in savings.

So basically our plan is to Start Trying once we buy a house. That could be in three or four years. However, we have also decided that should I become pregnant on accident at this point in our relationship, we would not abort. We have enough of a support system that while we wouldn't be in a great place, we'd get by.

I have a really really bad cold. I get broncitisis and lung infections a lot, so to head it off at the pass, my doctor gave me antibiotics. You see where this is going.

He came in me on accident this morning. I know on accident because he'd been great about pulling out and the utter panic that came over this man. We went and bought Plan B (I made him pay for it since it as his fault and he got to complain loudly about how much bullshit this price for one pill is), and I took it. I'm not really upset by this, because just... it's not abortion, it's preventing conception, so I'm not bothered.

FDH is distraught. He really wants kids, so while he knows this is for the best, he's very upset about him putting me in this situation, me having to take the pill (which then upset my stomach all day which he then further fretted about), and us having to wait about having children because we want to be responsible people.

I guess my main question is; is there any couples here where the man/boyfriend/husband is just as impatient to have a child?

TLDR: Took Plan B, FDH is very upset.
Edit to add TLDR

 

[lindseyh]

@lrkamp My fiancé and I had a talk the other day about how much we wish we could just stay trying now.

But we both grew up really poor with parents and we remember how much it sucks.

So we're waiting until we're financially ready, with all big house projects done.

It sucks being responsible

 

[lrkamp]

@lindseyh Exactly! My parents were middle class, but my dad suffered a huge business loss when I was at the end of elementary school and when my mom was pregnant with my little sister. For about five years we didn't eat consistently and were worried we'd become homeless. I don't want my kids to ever have to experience it.

 

[lindseyh]

@lrkamp Exactly!

Plus I remember always wanting to do out of school activities with my friends but i was always told we couldn't afford it. It severely stunted my social growth. I don't want to put my kids through that.

 

[lrkamp]

@lindseyh Through elementary school, I was in all sorts of after-school activities, but when The Thing happened, that stopped. Luckily my grandfather offered to pay for recreation soccer (it was only $50 i think?) but I appreciated it so much.

 

[lindseyh]

@lrkamp That's cool of your grandfather to do that! My grandma would give me money every once in a while. Just for nothing in particular. She would just start handing me 20's

 

[lrkamp]

@lindseyh My grandfather took care of us in a lot of ways, especially once he found out we were having trouble buying enough food. He was older (my mom was his youngest), so when she'd take him to the store, he'd pick up a bunch of extra stuff for her to take home, and while he didn't spoil us, he'd offer me and my brother to come over and mow his yard or do various chores and he'd give us like $20 (which was a lot to us since 1. we never got an allowance and 2. outside of mowing the lawn, they were usually small chores, like doing the dishes). I paid him back with free lawn mowing when I found out he had paid for my soccer fee.

 

[lilopatt]

@lrkamp Yes we aren't in the same situation but definitely both wanting kids as much as one another. I have a health condition, and in November last year I was out on new medication that's not safe for pregnancy... The medication I was on before this was safe, and we planned on trying beginning of this year, so it's put all our plans on hold (I had to go off it as it stopped working). I'm seeing a new specialist at the end of this month, and we're hoping she will be able to get me off these meds and that we can start trying. It's sucks and it's hard when you want it so bad but life is getting in the way... my partner is great though and only talks about it when I bring it up because he knows it upsets me sometimes. But we will get there. I just keep thinking we've got to do best by future baby and get me healthy cos an unhealthy Mamma isn't good so we're doing our best with what we've got at the moment But yes, my partner definitely wants it as much as me.

 

[anna888]

@lrkamp Us. My DH has been ready for years, but we only got married in 2016. We tried last fall a couple times, but then made a financial decision that means I shouldn’t quit working quite yet. I plan to be a SAHM.

He doesn’t understand why I drew a line, but he’s on board. Just talk about it again. Also, one night of unprotected sex statistically would not have been “the night” to get you pregnant, so while I support the decision to take Plan B to be sure, I also don’t think he needs to worry that you cancelled a sure thing. It can take a healthy couple with perfect timing up to 6 months to conceive.

 

[lrkamp]

@anna888 Definitely. I told him as much, I think he's more upset with himself because then the pill fucked up my stomach and made me cramp really bad so he felt bad about it. He's such a sweetheart.

 

[ariuna]

@lrkamp Pulling out is never a safe way to prevent children. Also, i think its great you two want to make sure you have everything in order before you start ttc. A supportsystem is always great but its better to make sure you can handleiding everything yourself (and by yourself i mean you and your husband to be together haha)

 

[fallenwalker]

@ariuna It sounds like she is on birth control, hence her mentioning being on antibiotics, which can make BC less effective.

 

[ariuna]

@fallenwalker Using a condom is always a safer bet. But to each their own ofcourse haha.

 

[fallenwalker]

@ariuna failure of hormonal birth control is less common than condom failure. and it sounds like they generally combine methods (using pull out and HBC) which would USUALLY provide a typical failure rate of 97% - compared to condoms alone which have a typical failure rate of 86%.

She did exactly the right thing (assuming of course that the antibiotics WOULD mess with her birth control). Also you're not accounting for things like, is she allergic to latex/polyisoprene? Maybe they just enjoy sex more without a condom, which is literally one of the many reasons why birth control exists.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/s...tes_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_

 

[lrkamp]

@fallenwalker I'm on birth control, which I have to be on regardless of sex due to my PCOS, since it helps my body break down cysts that I get a lot. Both my significant other and I hate sex with condoms to the point we'd rather just not have it. We don't even use the pullout method while on the north control normally, since we've never had a problem (three years and no scares), but with antibiotics, we always include pull out just in case. Same with the Plan B, which was more a "just in case."

 

[ariuna]

@fallenwalker I wasnt talking about hormonal birthcontrol, just the fact that pulling out isnt a safe was to prevent pregnancy.

 

[mark58]

@ariuna Pulling out is 96% effective at preventing pregnancy if you do it correctly, compared to 98% for condoms. Most men don't find it difficult to do correctly.

 

[ariuna]

@mark58 Where did you get those numbers? And what is de correct way? What do you do with the pre-cum that seeps out little by little before he cums? There is still a little bit of sperm that gets in your body which can get you pregnant. When you use a condom, you can check if the condom broke and still take some measures to prevent pregnancy. When pulling out, it's just a guess if he left any pre-cum in there.

 

[mark58]

@ariuna Those are official governments statstics from the CDC. Perfect use according to the CDC means withdrawing fully before orgasm and ejaculating away from the vagina every time, but now most guidelines add urinating between all orgasms. All scientific studies of the subject have not found sperm in precum. If it does exist in some men who are rare enough that none have showed up in studies, the likelihood of getting pregnant from a few sperm is vanishingly small, considering that you only have a max 1/3 chance of pregnancy each cycle even when you’re having totally unprotected sex with millions of sperm in your fertile window - that’s why men with low sperm counts are considered infertile even though they do have some sperm. More likely is that some men didn’t pee in between last ejaculation and sex (which washes out all old sperm from the urethra) and that’s where the 4% come from. It’s pretty obvious when your withdrawal use is not perfect, just as obvious as a condom breaking.

The majority of men are able to withdraw effectively with little effort, but of course if a man isn’t confident or isn’t committed to pulling out fully every time then it’s another story. But it is effective at preventing pregnancy, as good or better than pretty much any barrier method.

 

[jesseblue]

@mark58 It seems that your comment contains 1 or more links that are hard to tap for mobile users.
I will extend those so they're easier for our sausage fingers to click!

Here is link number 1 - Previous text "CDC"

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