@jeffreyvidrio I didn't mean to trigger you, Im sorry!! Im glad so many people here are resonating with this vent, I stumbled across this reddit and posted immediately, but I didn't expect how good it feels to hear from other people in my shoes. Much love!
@highonluna Oh no I said it as a good thing, I didn't know why why I talk to people about it (which I'm happy to do) Why I come away so anxious, but all I really want is to say what's happening in my life I don't want people to offer just relax/don't stress suggestions, nor do I want people to offer freaking suggestions on how to make it work or "x person tried ivf 3 times then gave up and got pregs because they stopped worrying" etc etc etc it's so freaking not helpful to my situation x
@highonluna If we don’t stress as someone with PCOS it would never happen because my body was out of wreck. All the hormones out of place. Lol.
I keep hearing that too but I literally just ignore like if someone just said to me the weather forecast that I can literally see ( like it’s raining and someone is saying is going to rain). Not a second thought on that matter or whatever
@highonluna The one and only time I conceived (lost the pregnancy, sadly), it was less than 2 months after part of my home was partially destroyed in a hurricane. I was still sorting through insurance bullshit on the daily and panicking nonstop. The “stop stressing” comments belong in the garbage.
@rtd2 That must have been a horrific experience for you, Im sorry. Im settling down after moving to a new city for my husband's career change, and that's been overwhelming as is... a destroyed home is devastating, cant believe the audacity of people.
@highonluna YES! The amount of times I’ve been told “just stop trying and it’ll happen” infuriates me! Nobody’s fertility/conception journey is the same so why say that! So frustrating!
@highonluna I’m sorry you’re at a breaking point. TTC is so hard. I’m really proud of you for seeking out a therapist to help you with overcoming the triggering comments - I also sought therapy when I hit around the 1.5 years mark of trying and it helped immensely. My therapist helped me understand what I was afraid of (never being able to become a mom), what that meant for my life (could I envision a child free life and could I be happy with that life?) and what fears I had about my relationship (would my husband leave me if I couldn’t make him a dad?). It was uncomfortable, it was HARD to go there and talk about those deep, dark fears and worries but it was also incredibly powerful to face those fears and truly start working past the surface level trauma of negative after negative after negative tests. I was also able to more confidently implement boundaries for myself, so I could create a safe space around me. I leaned into relationships that were healthy and supportive, and exited relationships that were’t. I deleted my TikTok and IG because pregnancy content was too triggering. I worked on self-care and loving myself and giving my body compassion and grace as we endured fertility treatments.
I hope therapy is helpful for you. It was hugely helpful for me. Sending you strength and an internet stranger hug.
Edited to add: the “stress causing infertility” nonsense has been scientifically debunked. The next time someone tells you to just relax, ask them if they would be so cruel as to tell someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer that being stressed caused their cancer and relaxing is all they need for it to cure itself. Infertility is a medical condition.
@ys2000 After talking to my therapist I managed to tell both my mom and my MIL that the "relax" comments have been really triggering. And told my mom that her pestering has been hurting me recently. They both took it very well
I feel like we always hear about people who stopped trying and stressing and “put it in gods hands” and magically fell pregnant. When I was trying for my first I was stressed beyond belief over TTC but on top of that with my horrible job. The cycle I conceived I was having meltdowns every other day over my job. If you want to look for ways to reduce stress for your mental health that’s great, but as far as for conceiving it’s just BS and infuriating to hear
People always tell me "don't stress" and "are you relaxed?" They give me the advice to go vacation and I will get pregnant. Well.. I tried it all. I went on multiple vacations for 2 years and I even was on a paid leave from work from 9 weeks and still had a failed IVF transfer. Someone still had the nerve to ask me "but were you truly relaxed?" I think people have the best intentions and try to give the best advice they think they can. They really don't get unless they been through infertility. Infertility is a medical illness. It really undermines a person's emotions when they tell someone to relax and not stress! What if I told them to relax and go on vacation when they have diabetes or cancer?! It's just my little rant but I hear you!! I'm so sorry this is happening to you but I wish you the best and 2024 is our year.
@highonluna Every time someone says "Just relax" or "just stop trying" I wanna smack them. Stress is not causing my infertility, infertility is causing my stress!!
And guess what, we "stopped trying" for a while due to my husband getting orders to move to an overseas base and still nada. Guess the stupid stop trying crap isn't the fix all like they think it is.
@highonluna I heard someone say it on an infertility video I watched and was like, perfect way to put it!! I now say it to anyone who mentions stress causing infertility and normally they go awkwardly silent.
@highonluna I’m so sorry, and can unfortunately relate- I finally shared with my mom over the holidays that we were on our fifth cycle of trying and I tried to convey the emotional aspects of the process looking for support (she got pregnant with me accidentally so never went through TTC), only for it to be thrown back at me as the reason why we haven’t conceived yet as obviously I was just “too stressed.” Super frustrating!
@vampynapy I'm also on cycle 5 and just started sharing with people that we are actively TTC! It has been a mixed bag. It's nice to not feel so alone because I can talk with my mom and friends, but also stressful because now everyone asks me if I'm pregnant yet everytime I see them.
