@joeparis123 So many people do. I think it’s more common than not in todays society 
Struggling with ST culture
- Thread starter riseup
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dvidxpsyko
New member
@riseup Mum in Aussie chipping in here. I loved reading The Discontented Little Baby book by Pamela Douglas. Completely vallidates me and my parenting choices. The idea of ST makes me completely heartbroken to have ever considered.
I'm an alien among friends too. My daughter is now 22 months, we still co-sleep, still breast feed. She has NEVER slept through the night but sleep is improving and getting better all the time with not doing much. The amount of times I've been told to go to Tresillian or hire a sleep consultant is a lot. I feel validated I haven't done anything but sleep is still better. Funny how that works?
I don't even complain or talk about sleep with anyone ever anymore. I have a lot of friends who are advocates of the Snoo, which is cool but I still think I wouldn't change what I've done.
I'm an alien among friends too. My daughter is now 22 months, we still co-sleep, still breast feed. She has NEVER slept through the night but sleep is improving and getting better all the time with not doing much. The amount of times I've been told to go to Tresillian or hire a sleep consultant is a lot. I feel validated I haven't done anything but sleep is still better. Funny how that works?
I don't even complain or talk about sleep with anyone ever anymore. I have a lot of friends who are advocates of the Snoo, which is cool but I still think I wouldn't change what I've done.
@dvidxpsyko So good you stuck to your parenting choices. It sounds like your little one has a beautiful attachment to you. Co sleeping and breastfeeding at that age is such a wonderful thing.
And yep, the sleep schools here are just awful. Can you imagine what the nurses there are like? Hearing baby cries day in day out and not responding to them. It would be awful.
And yep, the sleep schools here are just awful. Can you imagine what the nurses there are like? Hearing baby cries day in day out and not responding to them. It would be awful.
katrina2017
New member
@katrina2017 I’m so sorry to hear you experience this with your sleep. I hope it improves for you in the near future
katrina2017
New member
katrina2017
New member
This is so sad, I’m sorry. I was raised with attachment parenting and I’ve always loved sleep. It is my happy place.
katrina2017
New member
Tell me you secret. How do you switch your brain off? Mine doesn't seem to have this button.
@katrina2017 I’m using Ashwaganda atm for sleep. I think my cortisol was spiking due to lack of sleep (I have a 3 month old) which creates a vicious cycle. Not sure but seems to be helping.
pastalover
New member
@katrina2017 Omg I am so sleep sensitive. I bet I was sleep trained.
@riseup Every family will have their reasons for why they do what they do, and most (if not all) parents believe they do the right thing (whatever that is). Say your examples, some bits there would be fine in my book if not taken to extreme - I also lay my baby in cot/pod for sleep when I can, but we contact nap too. We have more kids so cannot be contact sleeping all the time (will pick up a crying baby though). Baby also chills in the baby gym looking at stuff - not for hours, but if they're happy cooing there, we let them be (and deal with other things in the meantime). AP is about respect and responding to needs - and sometimes baby doesn't need to be held in that moment. (basically, I'm trying to give your friends a benefit of doubt, but you know them and I don't, so please accept my apologies if I completely missed the mark!)
@netwaxer I hear what you’re saying, but it’s about intent. The friends that leave their 12wk old babies to read black & white books or to be in their pods during the day (remove them if they fall asleep on them to avoid “bad habits”) are purposefully removing connection/touch/site with their child in order to “teach independence”. Which we know, because of the anatomy and physiology of an infants brain, is not something that can be taught.
@riseup Agree with you on this. I am guessing they got their knowledge from a wrong place, possibly someone promoting their sleep training business, and it stuck with them as "the right thing". Like, what evil parent would not want their kids to grow up independent? This sort of thing. I don't know if they can change their ways on that front (baby stage) but perhaps you can suggest them some materials for toddler years that align more with your values - else I find the friendships dissolve when there are too many parenting philosophy differences.
@netwaxer That makes sense. And I too remember thinking (pre baby) how I wanted my child to be independent and resilient for their own good. Nothing to do with ST’ing.
I think I’m already starting to drift away from friends who ST or try to teach independence. E.g I know some mothers who completely ignore all their child’s tantrums because they “won’t be manipulated” by them. We have so much literature and courses that teach parents about children’s brain development and strategies to help children through tantrums…. But it’s just like parents can’t be bothered parenting. They want quick fixes like STing and ignoring children so they don’t have to tend to them.
I think I’m already starting to drift away from friends who ST or try to teach independence. E.g I know some mothers who completely ignore all their child’s tantrums because they “won’t be manipulated” by them. We have so much literature and courses that teach parents about children’s brain development and strategies to help children through tantrums…. But it’s just like parents can’t be bothered parenting. They want quick fixes like STing and ignoring children so they don’t have to tend to them.
@sweettea This is a really important factor to note. Going back to work in the US after only a few short weeks would be so hard.
At least here in Aus we get up to 20 weeks paid by the government + some people up to another 24 weeks from our employers if they offer it. Yet still people are using these ST techniques.
Thats incredible you can take your daughter to work
At least here in Aus we get up to 20 weeks paid by the government + some people up to another 24 weeks from our employers if they offer it. Yet still people are using these ST techniques.
Thats incredible you can take your daughter to work
@riseup I think people are in denial. I’d heard about sleep training before I was educated about the negative effects and I knew it might “work” but it also just felt instinctively wrong. Surely people know leaving your helpless baby to cry by itself is not right, but I suppose people are so desperate and sleep deprived that they will try anything.
nicknamednick
New member
@riseup I live in Aus but I’m from England and luckily I’ve not ended up surrounded by this but pretty much the opposite. I have co-sleeping contact nap friends for the most part and I’m so glad about that because I don’t know if I would of ended up partially caught up in that because it can be so convincing. It hurts my heart too, all those poor babies.
souljaslim1
New member
@riseup We don't sleep train, and right now, my three and a half month old sleeps a solid 8 to 10 hours at night, with one wake up for a bottle about 3 am.
We started a bedtime routine early in her life. Around 6 pm its bottle, bath, lavender lotion, and rocking her until she is asleep. If she wakes up and fusses, we let her fuss because most of the time, she will find her hand and suck on it to sleep. However, the moment she screams, one of us is up and comforting her.
We do have to keep it really dark in the room because she will stare at the light instead of sleeping. Our little firefly is obsessed with looking at lights.
At her age, all she knows is, "I scream and mama or daddy come and fix it." When I tell her, "it's okay, Mama is coming. You are safe. I am here," on my walk over, she starts to calm down even then. She knows I'll be there. It's a thing I take pride in. Her snuggling in and sighing and relaxing into my body is one of my favorite feelings in the world.
The idea of leaving her alone to cry when she is scared or hungry makes me feel sick and want to cry.
We started a bedtime routine early in her life. Around 6 pm its bottle, bath, lavender lotion, and rocking her until she is asleep. If she wakes up and fusses, we let her fuss because most of the time, she will find her hand and suck on it to sleep. However, the moment she screams, one of us is up and comforting her.
We do have to keep it really dark in the room because she will stare at the light instead of sleeping. Our little firefly is obsessed with looking at lights.
At her age, all she knows is, "I scream and mama or daddy come and fix it." When I tell her, "it's okay, Mama is coming. You are safe. I am here," on my walk over, she starts to calm down even then. She knows I'll be there. It's a thing I take pride in. Her snuggling in and sighing and relaxing into my body is one of my favorite feelings in the world.
The idea of leaving her alone to cry when she is scared or hungry makes me feel sick and want to cry.