So tired of being gaslighted when I say I had a traumatic birthing experience *TRIGGER WARNING*

@hyacynthia I do not understand why people have to play the suffering Olympics. Just because you, or your neighbor down the street, or that girl who posted on Facebook, etc, suffered more than me does not mean it invalidates my lived experience. Nobody gets out of this life completely undamaged, no one wins a gold medal for solidering on and burying their pan.

What's wrong with bringing kindness and empathy to the table?! I will never understand. Sorry that happened to you, OP. I see you and am here to VALIDATE THE FUCK out of your experience. That sounds scary and hard and it is no wonder you feel how you are feeling right now. It's not wrong. Way to introspect and heal yourself however you need to.
 
@hyacynthia Oh momma I'm so sorry you don't have supportive people in your life. But I support you! It sounds like you are definitely making the right decision for you and that is ALL that matters. I can't stand the competition and nastiness around labor and birth experiences. Your experience and your feelings about that experience are important and valid and they are the only thing that matters here. I'm sorry about your traumatic experience. I think it's wonderful that you are taking such affirmative, positive steps to improve your current life and I applaud you for it!
 
@hyacynthia Im so sorry. That sounds incredibly traumatic. My first baby was in the NICU for 36 hours and ended up completely fine, but I was so traumatized I got PPD and I still get upset thinking about it 6.5 years later. I know I should feel lucky that everything was fine, but the separation was brutal (for me). I understand and I’m sorry you went through that.
 
@hyacynthia I'm sorry you had such an awful experience and that people are not supporting you now. It's just a weird stance for people to think they should have input into how many kids you have (regardless of why you don't want more). Nothing wrong with being one and done.

I know it probably hurts to feel like those close to you are belittling your pain and trauma, and I dont have any advice on how to handle that. But please don't let it bring you down from your excitement! If getting your tubes removed is going to help you feel happier, more confident, and more free...then be excited! Celebrate it!
 
@hyacynthia Ugh - the comparison!!! People need to screw off with that mentality. Maybe 2 hours of labour with a vaginal birth is traumatic; doesn’t matter how anyone else sees your birthing experience. If it’s traumatizing for you, then it traumatizing.

I’ve had similar pregnancies, mixed with 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth. It’s all traumatizing; with my last, I knew regardless of the outcome I was done. I also had my Fallopian tubes removed after my csection. I had a lot of whys too; what if you change your mind? What if you want more? It’s so frustrating. I know my limits, I know what I need - so back off people.

I’m sorry people aren’t treating you with the basic support and respect you deserve. Know you’re not the only one 🧡 solidarity sista.
 
@hyacynthia I completely get this. I had a traumatic birthing experience. It's been five and half years and I just recently stopped crying when I talk about it. I really want another child (won't be happening for various reasons) and part of that want was because I wanted to do it right this time. I wanted to stand up to doctors and nurses and ask them questions and tell them no and demand they treat me with some sort of respect (I was left alone in my room for over 24 hours without a breast pump. My twins were in the NICU and I couldn't go see them on my own - they were a day old before I even met my children. Maybe I haven't stopped crying over it...)

We all deal with trauma differently. I want another baby so I can go punch all those doctors in the face and stop them from treating me like I didn't matter. You want to not have another baby so you don't risk that trauma ever having to happen again. Both of our reactions are 100% okay. Anyone who tells you differently is not being a good friend and I am sorry that it happens to you.
 
@hyacynthia I have actually done a lot of research on this exact subject. Here is the thing about trauma, everyone processes experiences differently. It isn't the even that traumatizes people, it is how our brain processes the information and how we feel about it. All the research about PTSD basically says that if two people experience exactly the same event, they both will process it differently, the variables being feelings of control and feelings of safety. People that feel in control and safe rarely develop long term PTSD, howver if things feel dangerous and out of control, PTSD is likley.

I am a midwife and I see this a lot. Situations for us that are totally normal and routine but because we don't provide a safe, supportive environment for the mother or her partner, trauma occurs. Over 60% of mothers experience birth trauma and very few of them have any complications at all. It isn't the event that is traumatic, it is how you are made to feel.

This is all to say that this trauma is yours and no one else's. It doesn't matter what happened, it could have been in reality a totally safe and controlled situation but if you felt in danger and out of control, that is all that matters.

If you still have flashbacks and trouble sleeping from it, please reach out. Birth trauma counseling is extremely common and can help tremendously.
 
@truth76 Dang, I’m so glad there are people like you in your profession. Thank you So Much for what you do and for recognizing how such a seemingly small change can make a world of difference during an incredibly vulnerable time. You’re absolutely right. I was fine for those 24 hours leading to the pushing because I thought I knew what was going on and how everything was going to go down. I was even fine pushing for 4 hours… Then all the sudden everything was out of control and that’s the part that triggers me. Thanks for helping out words to my feeling. Thanks for being a genuinely caring person. Sending love!
 
@hyacynthia I had a great birth. But a traumatic hospital stay. I still feel stressed if I go anywhere near the route through the hospital to the maternity ward.

If we have another I'm gonna need to discuss the trauma with the hospital psych in hopes I can have a better experience next time.

I'm hesitant to talk about it. I had professionals telling me it wasn't trauma, like I've got experience with trauma I fucking know what it feels like?! It's so frustrating
 
@eivekeu Dang, I’m sorry. I had a therapist for a while too, but I stopped talking to her about my birth experience altogether because she invalidated the first thing I said. Seriously, why is it that even therapists feel the need to invalidate our experiences!?! I’m so sorry you went through a traumatic experience. I believe you. Sending love
 
@hyacynthia My situation was very similar to yours, but hell, not even ending in a c-section, and not 24 hrs…. And I felt it was very traumatic. This was my third kid. If it had been my first, I’d probably never have had anymore either!!

I had my tubes tied at about 4 mos pp. It was such a HUGE relief. My pregnancy was so miserable. I gained and gained no matter what I did, couldn’t breathe, had no energy but had to homeschool two kids through pandemic. I was so isolated. I wanted to die, I was so
Depressed. I didn’t even realize just how bad I was until I got on Zoloft. I just know I’d never survive another pregnancy, I can barely handle the IDEA of it. Sooo tubal was the BEST decision ever. I chickened out the first time I explored the idea and while
I’m glad I have my bubs now, this time around I was skipping into hospital. I was READY. Like, no fear. Determined to do it. Lol. Never been more
Determined to do anything in my life. Being my third kid, no one questioned my tubal whatsoever.. and I’m sorry they are with yours. But screw it. It’s your life, your actions and consequences. You know
What you want and they will just have to deal when it’s said and done. AND don’t be afraid to
Put them in their place “look, I had it done. It’s over with. You can be supportive in my life now or you can drop out and let me enjoy it. “

Go get them tubes out, if that’s what you want. And enjoy life!
 
@sagewater I was supposed to get mine tied when my LO was 2 months old but I chickened out too. I’ve had almost 2 years to think about it now and I know I’m ready! Thanks so much for sharing your story! Sending love!
 
@hyacynthia I feel you so so much!! I also had GD, had to be induced because of preeclampsia concerns. I was trying to go and natural as I could, so I declined the epidural. I ended up needing an emergency c-section and had to be completely knocked out for it since she wasn’t breathing. When I woke up, they had already taken my baby to another hospital that could handle her seizures. It was a couple days until I could get out of hospital and go see her. It cried over her birth for so long. I was the opposite though. I needed another baby. My second kiddo was my healing birth. My sister also had a traumatic birth, but having another baby isn’t an option for them. She is still dealing with the effects of all that she missed. You put a lot of thought into that pregnancy and delivery, and for it to go completely wrong is so incredibly hard. Know that you are seen and heard, and your feelings are valid. I hope you find healing you deserve in this procedure. Sending so many hugs!!!
 
@hyacynthia My first birthing experience was incredibly medical and cold. The one doctor in the practice that I didn’t want to deliver my kid did. She took one look at my husband and gave me a 4th degree episiotomy. Sometimes when my cycle is being weird, or the moon is in the right spot, or it’s just a Tuesday (21 years later) it still is uncomfortable. When I found out I was pregnant with my second kid, I was freaking out. All I kept thinking about was how the nurses were dismissive, and the thought of being stitched up like that again scared the crap out of me.

You have zero reason to explain yourself to anyone. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope that your tubal will help relax your state of mind. Hugs BroMo.
 
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