I’m sick and tired of being told “JuSt GEt up BeForE tHe KiDs”

@dmurrayfly Ah, I co-slept with my children too. God bless those darlings. May you find peace in a heartbeat.

Not trying to brag, but I nap now that they are in school.
 
@kal20 Sometimes if I manage to work really hard and have everything done that I need to on her preschool mornings I lay down for 30 minutes when the baby takes his nap right before we leave to pick her up. But usually there’s too much that needs doing.
 
@dmurrayfly All this upkeep and schedules will work itself out in the end when you have 30 year olds taking you out to brunch. In the mean time, have you ever tried yoga nidra?
 
@dmurrayfly Same. My middle child is consistently an insanely early riser. He’s 8 and he still wakes up earlier than everyone else in the house just matter what. I gave up on the hope of morning peace a long time ago.
 
@dmurrayfly Why don't you just opt for a 30 hour day? It works for me! Also helps to have an 8 day week where 3 of those days are the weekend so you can get caught up on sleep and household stuff! 🤣
 
@dmurrayfly When I was telling someone that I wanted to get up before my son and get stuff done because I had no other time but I was exhausted, they kindly said to me: "that's not the stage of life you're in".
Hope that one person's understanding brings you some comfort, as it did me ❤️
 
@dmurrayfly You are exactly right. The only thing I’m going to suggest is that you look at that five hours of unbroken sleep. That should be your entire family’s goal for the next month and see if that can be a pattern. Consider looking for a mama’s helper type or a friend who can do a play date with the older child so you can nap while the 1 year old is napping. If your family is close enough to give you advice about sleeping they are close enough for respite. Easier said than done, right? Getting broken sleep is torture. It’s cumulative and it sounds like you are at burnout. All hands on deck: mama needs a minimum. MINIMUM of 5 hours of unbroken sleep in every 24 hour cycle. Enlist your kids and your husband in this mission. Kids are now old enough to understand (the older one can help the little one) about when is morning wake up time and when is not. Get an alarm clock that lights up in the morning and tells the kids that they can leave their beds. Have dad do the first diaper of the day. Practice being very quiet until he goes to work. Solitary mom. You are in crisis. Alarms are going off. This is family mission critical.
 
@dmurrayfly I'm already up at 5am every week day to get the 11-year-old ready for the school bus and the 6 month old invariably wakes up by 5:30am no matter what time I put him to bed. If I got up any earlier I might as well not go to bed in the first place!
 
@dmurrayfly Nope, you are not doing it wrong. I prioritize my rest. Your life is in a season right now where you can't "get up before them". Maybe in 6 months or a year or two you'll be in a different season. Sometimes grandma's just need to be quiet.
ETA: I prioritize my rest, meaning I don't get up earlier than my kids either and I lay down or decompress during quiet time. My house is crazy and my movement during the day involves my kids. Its just the season I'm in right now.
 
@dmurrayfly You aren’t doing ANYTHING wrong. I doubt very seriously their babies actually slept 7p-7a every single night. They probably don’t remember their babies’ sleep habits because they had babies 20+ years ago. My husband sometimes talks about how our oldest (my SD, 8) would hardly ever cry and always slept through the night when she was a baby. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know for sure, but I can almost guarantee that isn’t the whole truth. He also says that our baby (my bio son, 3) cried all the time and hardly ever slept. I know for a fact that that isn’t true because I remember being 6 months post partum when PPD hit like a ton of bricks and the sound of my son crying literally caused me physical pain and would sometimes make me furious. I was thankful that he never cried for more than 5 minutes because if he would have I probably would have went even more insane than I actually did.

Times are different than they were when our parents were raising us. Parents these days are constantly put under a microscope, picked apart piece by piece, and everyone seems to be an expert on parenting. You know what you can and can’t do. Don’t beat yourself up by trying to live up to someone else’s unrealistic expectations. You wanna know what I tell my mom or grandma when they ask me something about the kids and I know they won’t like the answer? I lie my ass off. “Yes, Mom I definitely take the kids’ devices an hour before bedtime.” “Absolutely, Granny, I put undershirts on my kids every single day through the winter until the official first day of Spring!”

Sometimes a little white lie is easier. It saves me from the lecture, the guilt, and the feeling of inadequacy.

OP, I am so sorry that you are struggling with getting enough sleep. Sleep is so very important to every aspect of your mental and physical health. I hope you are able to find other times throughout the day to do the things you want to do like journal and drink tea. Self-care is critical. You are the glue that’s holding your little family together. You gotta take care of yourself first because if you aren’t strong, then the whole family crumbles. You are not alone. I’ve had the same exact thoughts. I finally told my Mom that if she didn’t agree with the way I was parenting my kids then to keep it to herself. “I’m the Mom now, Mom. Chill, I got this!!”

Give yourself some grace, Momma!
 
@dmurrayfly My kids have this sixth sense where they know if I’m awake… even if I’m laying in bed silently. It’s literally impossible to get up before them. My saving grace is that bedtime is consistently 7:30.
 
@dmurrayfly I only have one baby and I find it next to impossible to get up before him! When I tell people I don’t have time for exercise, hobbies, watching TV It’s like they think I’m exaggerating or not trying hard enough. Really, we shouldn’t care what they think because only people who are living it actually know how it goes. Before bed isn’t an option either because either my son will sleep through or he will wake up 1-2 hours after being put down for bed. Not to mention I am EXHAUSTED at the end of the day and just want to relax… not squeeze in a workout when I’ve finally had dinner and have to go to bed at 10 to ensure I will get enough sleep to handle the next day! I feel you, momma!! You have it even tougher with two babies! Seems like some mothers of older children or grandparents seem to have forgotten what it’s really like and yes, their children were perfect! 😂
 
@dmurrayfly It’s basic hierarchy of needs. Sleep as a need supersedes the need to exercise, watch tv etc. Once you’re sleeping properly again you can start to maybe find time to tackle those things, until you’re sleeping properly those are luxuries that have to be paid with time you could be spending sleeping instead. Tell everyone who isn’t coping with sleep deprivation right now to fuck the fuck off and leave you alone, unless they’re offering to look after your kids whilst you sleep.
 
@dmurrayfly When your kids are at that age, it's impossible. I know it's tough but try not to put any energy into what they say. These are the survival years. Sure...we all want to work out, get breaks, eat healthy, feel like we aren't being clung to 99% of the day. But it's often not reality unless there's someone able to step in and help. So focus on the small wins. Nap when they nap. Relax on trying to be a super parent. Find ways to make the things you do in your home easier. Be gentle on yourself. Babies and toddlers are legit exhausting. If you're set on finding time for yourself, my vote goes to when the kids nap even at the expense of household chores. Yoga is a good option and your oldest might even want to join you. I switched to audiobooks years ago for the sake of being able to move more freely. It's never perfect but a small win is better than none.
 
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