@hyacynthia No no no dont let people do that to you. Your pain is valid, your feelings are valid dont let anyone question this. I'm so fucking tired of people especially mothers to compare their traumas against each other like it's a stupid dicksize battle. I hate the phrase, get over it you have a beautiful baby now makes my blood boil every time. I had a totally trauma free c-section on request and no I didnt had medical issues, I was just scared. To die, to be incontinent, to have my private parts cut, to endure crucial pain and all the clusterfuck what can go downhill while giving birth. My best friend nearly died after birth, she was in the OR for six hours and needed 5 liters of blood before they fixed her. I'm so proud of her, she had her second two months ago. I dont think if I could have had another birth in her place. Guess what, I have to hear EVERY FUCKING TIME "oh you didnt push? Bad for you its SUCH a amazing experience!" And my friend "oh so why did you tried to push, you should have had a c-section, then you would not have trauma now"
It's sad. Any way you do it there will be a fucking Karen who knows it better or endured more pain than you.
@jdprice Yeah I really don't get why people have to act like this about birth, of all things. Even the best childbirth is still a rough experience. Everyone's story is different, everyone has a different pain tolerance, etc. I'm never going to assume that someone is just lying or overexaggerating the trauma of their labor & delivery and I have no idea why anyone else would make that assumption either.
@hyacynthia To your friend who was so blaise about your ordeal: never compare traumas, it always leaves someone feeling invalidated.
What may have been a super scary thing for you may not have affected her the same, and vice versa, it doesn't invalidate the person's feelings or the long term effects around the trauma.
I wish you a speedy recovery in your surgery, and emotional healing for your traumatic delivery
@hyacynthia Dude, I hear you. You have every right to be one and done even if you DIDN'T have a traumatic birth. I had a traumatic first pregnancy and it took several years before I was ready to have another, which was my choice. I knew I wanted more kids but going through another pregnancy was just NOT something I was ready to put myself through.
9 years later I am still dealing with some of the trauma. I am constantly worried/paranoid that I might be pregnant and not know it (something that happened in my first pregnancy), and I keep EPTs in the house at all times so I can attempt to reassure myself if I get really worried.
I will be getting my tubes removed as soon as we are done having baby 3. Having that mental reassurance that I cannot ever get pregnant again by accident, and have the repercussions of said pregnancy, will be well worth the surgery.
Next time anyone tells you "So?" just tell them "So it's none of your business."
@hyacynthia You are doing the right thing for you and your family by doing the operation. Your feelings about what happened are more than fair and just because it was eventually a good result with your lovely daughter, it doesn't negate that you were powerless and terrified. Those other women shouldn't poo poo the real trauma you experienced.
@hyacynthia The thing about PTSD is it's unpredictable and has little to do with one's mental state before the trauma or even the trauma itself. Like great for that lady that she doesn't have PTSD but she easily could have it.
I had an extremely scary last 9 days of pregnancy culminating in a stalled out induction. I am not OK with going through that again and I don't care if it's common sense or a trauma response.
@hyacynthia I will scratch the face of anyone who belittle my less than 24hr induced labor with no epidural and an episiotomy. You went through alot you have every right to do what ever you deem fit with your body. Please do what makes you feel safe.
@hyacynthia Your feelings are valid and your trauma is real. It doesn't matter that someone else had a similar experience and didn't experience it as traumatic. Fuck them for suggesting you shouldn't feel as you do. There are soldiers in the same unit and one can have PTSD and not the other. This is no different.
@hyacynthia What the hell? If someone told me the think they have PTSD about something, we sit down quietly and I shut the FUCK up. That is your truth. You are so brave sharing your story with us. I had a similar experience but managed to avoid the surgery, but had a few other complications. Difference is my medical team supported me. Even after the birth I was check in on for how traumatic it was. It is crap that you didn't, and still don't, get that support. I hope you are able to reach out to someone soon who can consistently support you and your truth.
@hyacynthia I always have a saying I refer back to “ grief is not scalable or comparable”. You never need to validate how hard you feel something traumatic
@hyacynthia It’s just simply not a contest. Time in labor, csection vs vaginal, breastfeeding or not, etc. Why do we allow this competition amongst ourselves instead of support?
This issue will remain a mystery to me, just like how I don’t get why women trash public restrooms. Ladies, stop peeing on seats, not flushing, and downright being disgusting. Some of our sisters know how to make a public restroom look worse than an all night truck stop.
@hyacynthia I had a traumatic c-section too. It’s been over 9 years since I went through it and I can tell you, I definitely still remember it. It was an awful experience. Do not let anyone diminish your feelings. I will say that it seems like there is this really gross and misguided notion that you should just sort of be fine with whatever birth experience you have as long as the baby is okay. Mom almost died? Ahh but baby is okay. Baby was ill? Ahh but baby is okay now. It’s such a disservice to women. Congratulations on your tube removal!
@hyacynthia I had a really rough time with depression after a 5 day stint in the hospital for birth and looking after a kiddo not gaining weight. It really messed me up and there were points where my daughter could have lost her mom forever. All that to say, I am also camp one and done. I can't risk going through that again, for myself and my family. It would be horrible. So when I got laughed at for asking to be sterilized when my IUD fell out of place, it hurt. And people were all "You need two so she has a buddy" or "gotta try for a boy" or "youll change your mind". Goddamn I wanted to smack those people. I finally got my tubes removed a year ago after dealing with cysts caused by the implant the other doctor recommended after laughing at my wanting to be sterile. It was a much quicker recovery than the trauma of being pregnant, giving birth, battling PPD, and raising a newborn. Mama, I wish you the smoothest and easiest of procedures and recovery. If anyone else wants another baby so badly, they better dust off their own uteruses, because you deserve to choose to put yours out of commission for your wellbeing.
@doctrineofgabriel Omg, I had an iud fall out of place too! I was bleeding for three weeks and finally went in… what horrible crap we have to go through as women! Thank you so much for your story and support, btw. Sending love!
@hyacynthia My first was quick, I had no idea I was in labour, by the time it came for me to push the nurse told me to hold it until the doctor came in(I lost it), I almost bled out due to a major tear then ended up with an infection and severe pain because I had retained placenta because no one took my stomach pains seriously, and don't get me started on the fact that the dr stitched me to tight and my OB had to cut and cauterize my lady bits so I could walk without pain. It took me 6 months to heal correctly.
You are definitely not alone, you are allowed to feel whatever way about your birth experience I do hope you can talk to someone I was able to speak with a therapist, I was lucky enough to find a therapist that actually works exclusively with women who experience birth trauma she was able to help me work through my experience. I don't look back at my birth experience and breakdown, I can talk and write about it without triggering a depression.
@hyacynthia I had what I would call a ‘hard’ labour, but I wouldn’t say it was traumatic. But my friend who gave birth a couple of months before me had the exact same thing, and she has PTSD.
Basically, I had something similar to you. Pregnancy sucked, blood pressure problems. Was induced, waters broke and were broken too long, labour lasted 24 hours and I got to 9.5cm before she got stuck and I had to have an emergency c-section. I then developed sepsis, and both me and baby were on antibiotics and in the hospital for days longer than we expected. It was shit and scary. I’ve never seen my other half so scared. I certainly would never forget it even if it wasn’t the birth of my beautiful daughter. But I’m not traumatised, and we do want another one. I’m just gonna do a straight elected c-section for the next.
But my friend deals with it differently. Exact same situation, but she now keeps reliving it. Everybody deals with things in very different ways. I relive things that weren’t life-threatening but make me panic.
Basically what I’m trying to say is don’t let people tell you how YOU react to something. You literally can’t help how you feel about something like that.
@hyacynthia The thing about birth, is that if you didn’t have a traumatic experience, you don’t understand the absolute terror that comes with it. I won’t go into it, but my second was an absolutely Trumatic birth and it was long and it was painful and the doctors really fucked me up. And I think one of the things that’s the worst, is when they don’t communicate with you. You have a right to know what’s going on with your child on your body, and a lot of the times they just ignore that. And that’s terrifying. But what is the most messed up part here, is that your friend could not extend your empathy. She decided to project her feelings and you, completely dismiss your feelings and then have this weird request for you to not get your tubes removed, as if that affects her in anyway and is at all her place to ask. That’s awful. You don’t deserve to be treated that way, you deserve to have the kindness and support and warmth you need.
@hyacynthia Hey mama. I also had an emergency csection. I wasn’t in labor very long, but my son’s heart rate dropped extremely low and wouldn’t go back up. They ended up kicking another lady off the table to get my kid out. For me, it wasn’t that traumatic because it happened so quickly, and because all the doctors talked to me the whole way through it. I cannot imagine how scary that must’ve been being ignored. I’m so sorry you went through that. People don’t get to gatekeep what causes another person trauma. She “should just be grateful” you didn’t kick her in the twat.
@hyacynthia I really thought at one point during my labor that I was going to die. I distinctly remember thinking, "I hope husband doesn't blame the baby for me dying." So I totally get you.
@hyacynthia I didn’t realize I had trauma from a birth until I was in labor with my next baby. My previous baby, my midwife had been dismissive about how my labor was progressing (which is pretty ridiculous considering that the baby she had delivered a few years before had been born in one hour) and so she didn’t come until I was pushing. I was laboring alone on my bed with severe back pain because the baby had been faced the wrong way. Midwife made it about five minutes before baby when I had been laboring for twelve hours total. She should have come much sooner. So I switched midwives for my next birth and when I went into labor she came immediately and it was so much better. They were able to relieve the back pain with pressure and I felt supported. In the fifteen minutes or so of labor after I called before she arrived I was panicking about the labor and realized later it was because of what had happened the last time. That last baby was a precipitous birth (1 hr 15 min) but less traumatic than the 12 hour one because of the support.
No one gets to dictate how you feel about your birth because birth in general is scary. Here is a reason so many women died from it in the past.
makes my blood boil every time. I had a totally trauma free c-section on request and no I didnt had medical issues, I was just scared. To die, to be incontinent, to have my private parts cut, to endure crucial pain and all the clusterfuck what can go downhill while giving birth. My best friend nearly died after birth, she was in the OR for six hours and needed 5 liters of blood before they fixed her. I'm so proud of her, she had her second two months ago. I dont think if I could have had another birth in her place. Guess what, I have to hear EVERY FUCKING TIME "oh you didnt push? Bad for you its SUCH a amazing experience!" And my friend "oh so why did you tried to push, you should have had a c-section, then you would not have trauma now"