judasofaustralia
New member
@katrina2017 My second daughter was like that. They tried to get me out of the maternity ward 3-4 times but I kept passing out every time I went upright.
So tired of being gaslighted when I say I had a traumatic birthing experience *TRIGGER WARNING*
- Thread starter hyacynthia
- Start date
-
- Tags
- confession 🤐 moms
@katrina2017 I also have precipitous labors. With my first I had no idea it was a thing and the whole experience was super traumatic. My water broke, contractions started immediately and baby was born 2.5 hours later. I was having continuous contractions, vomiting and couldn't speak from the pain. I remember thinking I was going to die.
At least the second time around I knew what was coming. Baby born in 45 minutes.
At least the second time around I knew what was coming. Baby born in 45 minutes.
@katrina2017 This happened with my mom on the 4th go. She never had medication work in her favor… with me, it was given to her too late so it didn’t kick in until after I was born, my next sibling it was given too early and wore off before birth, number 3 she didn’t get it (I forget why) and number 4 it was literally minutes from walking into the hospital to giving birth.
basantilli
New member
@hyacynthia My labor was ok, but JUST afterwards, while I was trying to figure out breastfeeding and how to pee and my body was shaking from shock, a social worker strolled into my hospital room and threatened to take the child because I put that my PARTNER smokes pot on the intake papers.
My OB/GYN knew and didn't care, he didn't smoke in the house, for nine months no one said shit, for 6 weeks the hospital didn't say shit (I did my intake papers early and dropped them off) and we are Canadian so this is fucking moot.
But that bitch rolled into my room and threatened to take the baby and we were confused and exhausted and didn't understand. She wanted her ass kissed. So I kissed it. I begged. I thanked her for her generosity in allowing me to keep my few-hours-old child.
My kid will be 5 in December and I am still dealing with the trauma of that moment. For the first year of his life, I got crippling panic attacks if I was away from him, certain that "they" would finally come for him now that we were apart.
All this is my way of saying that shit is fucked up, your experience is your own and your trauma is valid.
I too have my tubes out. I hope you enjoy your reproductive freedom.
My OB/GYN knew and didn't care, he didn't smoke in the house, for nine months no one said shit, for 6 weeks the hospital didn't say shit (I did my intake papers early and dropped them off) and we are Canadian so this is fucking moot.
But that bitch rolled into my room and threatened to take the baby and we were confused and exhausted and didn't understand. She wanted her ass kissed. So I kissed it. I begged. I thanked her for her generosity in allowing me to keep my few-hours-old child.
My kid will be 5 in December and I am still dealing with the trauma of that moment. For the first year of his life, I got crippling panic attacks if I was away from him, certain that "they" would finally come for him now that we were apart.
All this is my way of saying that shit is fucked up, your experience is your own and your trauma is valid.
I too have my tubes out. I hope you enjoy your reproductive freedom.
@basantilli Omg!!! What an absolute nightmare! I felt similarly when my baby was in the NICU. No one was threatening to take him, but I hormonally/illogically just couldn’t relax until I had my baby and I was freaking out that no one was giving him to me. He was fine, btw, and just monitored for some breathing stuff. But it seriously fucked me up.
hyacynthia
New member
@basantilli Holy cow, that’s so screwed up. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
@hyacynthia Birth, in general, is a traumatic experience. There is a reason it was the main cause of death for women before actual healthcare was a thing. And there are SO MANY reasons pregnancy, labor, delivery, and even the months after baby arrives can be hugely traumatizing and they just are not discussed enough and society tends to shame women who do feel traumatized by the experience.
My husband and I wanted three kids. My pregnancy was unplanned. My pregnancy had so many complications and kept feeling like my fears about those complications were being minimized. Then when one resolved, we'd find another. Eventually I had to be induced, and I still hadn't even really come to grips with the fact that I was even pregnant yet. And my induction moved so so quickly. And there were complications there too. And then my daughter was not an easy baby in any way - couldn't latch so I had to pump, cried for hours, constantly spitting up, but was gaining enough weight so the doctors didn't think reflux was an issue (now I know that was wrong). We ended up deciding that we wouldn't have another kid after that.
Sorry. I kind of hijacked your post here. All of this to say - don't let anyone dictate to you how traumatic your pregnancy and birth were. And take care of yourself in whatever way feels beat for you.
My husband and I wanted three kids. My pregnancy was unplanned. My pregnancy had so many complications and kept feeling like my fears about those complications were being minimized. Then when one resolved, we'd find another. Eventually I had to be induced, and I still hadn't even really come to grips with the fact that I was even pregnant yet. And my induction moved so so quickly. And there were complications there too. And then my daughter was not an easy baby in any way - couldn't latch so I had to pump, cried for hours, constantly spitting up, but was gaining enough weight so the doctors didn't think reflux was an issue (now I know that was wrong). We ended up deciding that we wouldn't have another kid after that.
Sorry. I kind of hijacked your post here. All of this to say - don't let anyone dictate to you how traumatic your pregnancy and birth were. And take care of yourself in whatever way feels beat for you.
hyacynthia
New member
@florapost Thank you for sharing and I didn’t feel like you hijacked it at all! Pregnancy/birth/newborns are so crazy and I can’t believe how causal everyone seems to be about it. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not crazy wanting only one after me experience. Sending love
andrusjarv
New member
@hyacynthia I had a planned c-section which I wasn't a 100% okay with. At a doctor I hadn't met up until 2 weeks before the surgery. It was the start of the pandemic and we were in complete lockdown. She did the surgery when I wasn't full under the effect of anesthesia. I felt everything they were doing. Was the worst. I hated that. Whenever I tell someone they say "heyy your baby is fine so it's all good." Like yeah I'm happy he's fine....but I myself am a doctor and knew they effed up. They told me I was too sensitive. It hurts....I'm just trying to forget most of it.
Hugs, bromo. It hurts when ppl invalidate our experiences and feelings.
Hugs, bromo. It hurts when ppl invalidate our experiences and feelings.
nomadnurse
New member
@andrusjarv This is so fucked up. If ANYONE else were to say "I had surgery and I wasn't fully under" people would be horrified. For some reason because a baby is involved it's somehow "Oh well, the things you sacrifice for kids!" NO!
andrusjarv
New member
@nomadnurse I know right! It's like once we get pregnant we cease to be a person and become just an incubator and someone who takes care of their kid. That's all. Like we go into the closet and shut down after our time with kid. It makes me so mad.
@andrusjarv I had an induction-turned-emergency c-section. When they started the c-section, I could feel the knife, so they just knocked me out immediately. I was completely unconscious for my baby being born, but I can't imagine having to feel all of that. I still remember being offended that, at first, the doctor didn't believe me when I told him I could feel him cutting! Like yes, I said "ow" because I felt the incision and it hurt! So he tested it again, and then they put me under, because they didn't have time to wait for anything else.
hyacynthia
New member
@andrusjarv That is so screwed up! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Sending love
andrusjarv
New member
@hyacynthia Hugs to you too bromo. 
katrina2017
New member
@hyacynthia I only labored for 15, then an emergency c section. Nobody would answer me either, and I found out later my baby wasn't breathing for a few seconds? I was terrified of a c section because my mother almost died during hers, the Dr punctured a blood vessel and they wouldn't see her after when she called about her stomach turning blue, acted like she was overreacting. She almost died. When I tell family and friends about my c section it's like, ok. No one was concerned except my husband and sister because everyone thinks c sections are so common and just normal.
They're fucking scary. And even if one wasn't scary to someone else, it isn't fair to act like you should feel the same way. You had to lay there worrying about both yourself and your baby. It's a really weird, crazy, terrifying spot to be in. And then you have to heal from this insane, big wound while caring for a newborn. Wtf even other women seem to belittle what women go through to give birth.
I hope you have someone understanding to talk to, PTSD is not at all surprising after that.
They're fucking scary. And even if one wasn't scary to someone else, it isn't fair to act like you should feel the same way. You had to lay there worrying about both yourself and your baby. It's a really weird, crazy, terrifying spot to be in. And then you have to heal from this insane, big wound while caring for a newborn. Wtf even other women seem to belittle what women go through to give birth.
I hope you have someone understanding to talk to, PTSD is not at all surprising after that.
@katrina2017 They are scary. I had a 36hr induction ending in c-section for my first and it was so scary. Everything leading up to it sucked too because my midwife and the OB were at odds with their recommendations (midwife wanted me to get a c-section at 6hr in and OB said it was safe to continue labor if I wanted to). I did a good enough job self educating during pregnancy that I understood the issue and I sided with the OB because the risk was low to continue labor. My husband and everyone else was letting their fear show and pressured me to c-section. I didn’t give in until the OB said I needed the c-section and that’s when we did it. I hated the experience of being able to feel the pressure of them cutting me open. I have a weird aversion to sliced cuts on fingers, toes, and the abdomen, so this was horrible for me. I couldn’t even say the word “incision” for a month post op without wanting to throw up because I was so grossed out. And the worst part was everyone downplaying how much the c-section sucked for me, including my husband.
Luckily, when I was pregnant with my second, I found a different doctor who was so much better than my previous midwife. I ended up having to have a second c-section because he was breach. This OB had great bedside manner and made me feel at ease. And truly, planned c-section are easier in major part because you have a spinal instead of an epidural and because your body isn’t worn down from labor. This birth was actually a positive experience for me, and I was so surprised that it was. I was still scared going in, but the OB and nurses were so great.
Luckily, when I was pregnant with my second, I found a different doctor who was so much better than my previous midwife. I ended up having to have a second c-section because he was breach. This OB had great bedside manner and made me feel at ease. And truly, planned c-section are easier in major part because you have a spinal instead of an epidural and because your body isn’t worn down from labor. This birth was actually a positive experience for me, and I was so surprised that it was. I was still scared going in, but the OB and nurses were so great.
salvatore_sunset
New member
@hyacynthia For all of the moms reading this: consider EMDR treatment by a therapist. Seriously.
It's a very well working trauma therapy that immensely reduces the emotions and panic attached to your memories. You'll keep the memories, but you'll lose the flashbacks, nightmares and random triggers.
You got stitched up after birth because no one expects your body to 'just heal' after a tear, and it's odd that we expect our minds to just get it right by itself. A few sessions can honestly lighten the load so immensely.
I'm a psychologist, I've seen this therapy at work and it's seriously magical. Find a therapist near you who offers this.
It's a very well working trauma therapy that immensely reduces the emotions and panic attached to your memories. You'll keep the memories, but you'll lose the flashbacks, nightmares and random triggers.
You got stitched up after birth because no one expects your body to 'just heal' after a tear, and it's odd that we expect our minds to just get it right by itself. A few sessions can honestly lighten the load so immensely.
I'm a psychologist, I've seen this therapy at work and it's seriously magical. Find a therapist near you who offers this.
nessmisfit
New member
@salvatore_sunset YES. Seconded. EMDR therapy really helped for me. I’m glad I did it after my emergency c section. I went from crying every time I thought about it to being able to think about it more matter-of-factly and, finally, starting to trust my intuition as a mother
bunnycloud
New member
@hyacynthia that sounds super scary! and I hope that your surgery goes well and you can relax afterwards
justsumgai
New member
@hyacynthia I had done a LOT of research before going into labor and had read many stories from the good the bad to the ugly. I had realistic expectations of how things could go, and felt ready for anything, but I also didn’t have a complicated pregnancy so I wasn’t especially anxious about it.
I still felt knocked flat on my ass shocked when I realized I had unresolved trauma from a birth related injury. It took over a year and a half for me to really even recognize what had happened to me and start to process it in a healthy way. (And my experience is still NOTHING near as nerve wracking as yours!) Babies are hard and pregnancy and labor are harrowing. I think some women feel like they need to just “suck it up” so they take that out on other people like “this horrible thing happened to me so you should be ok too.” But it’s ok to not be ok!!! I’m sorry you were invalided by them, it sucks and I hope your surgery brings you some peace of mind.
I still felt knocked flat on my ass shocked when I realized I had unresolved trauma from a birth related injury. It took over a year and a half for me to really even recognize what had happened to me and start to process it in a healthy way. (And my experience is still NOTHING near as nerve wracking as yours!) Babies are hard and pregnancy and labor are harrowing. I think some women feel like they need to just “suck it up” so they take that out on other people like “this horrible thing happened to me so you should be ok too.” But it’s ok to not be ok!!! I’m sorry you were invalided by them, it sucks and I hope your surgery brings you some peace of mind.