@grammyjean Just because you were raised by a single parent does NOT mean you understand the struggles.
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Single parents.. mainly mothers! Answer me this... is my girlfriend (26) independent?
- Thread starter grammyjean
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grammyjean
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@grammyjean So you know what it’s like to step up as a child. You do NOT know what if feels like to be the parent needing a child’s help.
Sounds like you need to leave your girlfriend or you’ll both be forever resentful of each other.
Sounds like you need to leave your girlfriend or you’ll both be forever resentful of each other.
grammyjean
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@ecowolf How don’t I understand? I watched my mom pick herself up and struggled to do it alone. She had little to no help my pops wasn’t there as I was coming up for private issues I watched my mom do what she has to do in order to not need a man but getting govt assistance sure that’s dependence’s in a sense but never did my mother ever need another person to come in our lives to come save us
@grammyjean That doesn’t mean that you know what it’s like to be a single parent.
You don’t know what it’s like to look your 10 year old in the eye and tell him that he can’t play baseball this year because you have to work instead of driving him to practices and games.
You don’t know what it’s like to lay in bed at night alone, wondering how you’re going to afford to take a day off of work AND pay for your sick 2 year olds doctor appointment.
You don’t know what it’s like to starve while you watch your 5 year old eat a peanut butter sandwich with, with just a tiny bit of peanut butter and the heals of bread, while you eat nothing because the food is gone.
You don’t know what it’s like to put your child to bed, and sit on the couch alone and wonder if you’re doing well enough. If your child is happy enough.
You DON’T know what it’s like to be a single mom. You’ve seen it, sure. You can sympathize all you want, but you haven’t been there, and you don’t know.
Just like I’m not gonna sit here and say I know what it’s like to be a military wife. I’ve watched my sister deal with a deployed husband first hand. I’ve been there for her through it all, so I know what it’s like.
I don’t. I can sympathize, I know it’s hard, but I don’t know what it’s like to deal with every raw emotion there is about it.
You don’t know what it’s like to look your 10 year old in the eye and tell him that he can’t play baseball this year because you have to work instead of driving him to practices and games.
You don’t know what it’s like to lay in bed at night alone, wondering how you’re going to afford to take a day off of work AND pay for your sick 2 year olds doctor appointment.
You don’t know what it’s like to starve while you watch your 5 year old eat a peanut butter sandwich with, with just a tiny bit of peanut butter and the heals of bread, while you eat nothing because the food is gone.
You don’t know what it’s like to put your child to bed, and sit on the couch alone and wonder if you’re doing well enough. If your child is happy enough.
You DON’T know what it’s like to be a single mom. You’ve seen it, sure. You can sympathize all you want, but you haven’t been there, and you don’t know.
Just like I’m not gonna sit here and say I know what it’s like to be a military wife. I’ve watched my sister deal with a deployed husband first hand. I’ve been there for her through it all, so I know what it’s like.
I don’t. I can sympathize, I know it’s hard, but I don’t know what it’s like to deal with every raw emotion there is about it.
grammyjean
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grammyjean
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grammyjean
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@duggadakumar Yo can u help me understand what other ppl are saying I’m starting to feel like I’m getting attacked here lol
duggadakumar
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@grammyjean Well everyone here is a single mom so they are feeling self righteous because I'm sure some of the things you said are hitting home. You might want to check out other subs like r/stepparents or r/real_parents
Yes it is very hard to be a single parent, it's a lot of work. It's hard for sure. But it does not mean other people are obligated to help you out. This is a hard truth for a lot of people who had kids before getting out on their own.
A lot of them don't realize that it is a strike against you as a partner if you have kids. This means you have less time and money to date, it also means the person they date or marry will never be number one. That is a raw deal! A single parent needs to bring something to the table other than themselves and their kids. Something like being a sweet person who knows how to cook meatloaf.
Listen everyone deserves love, but it's a two way street and when one person feels like they are giving more than they are getting (money, time, emotions) then they build up resentment. It's a lot harder for a relationship to feel equal when one person had kids. It can be done and usually you need to work on making a solid relationship before the person without kids steps in to help financially or start acting like a parent. It sounds like she is rushing you because she is not happy with the current situation. You need to focus on building your relationship to be stronger first.
Yes it is very hard to be a single parent, it's a lot of work. It's hard for sure. But it does not mean other people are obligated to help you out. This is a hard truth for a lot of people who had kids before getting out on their own.
A lot of them don't realize that it is a strike against you as a partner if you have kids. This means you have less time and money to date, it also means the person they date or marry will never be number one. That is a raw deal! A single parent needs to bring something to the table other than themselves and their kids. Something like being a sweet person who knows how to cook meatloaf.
Listen everyone deserves love, but it's a two way street and when one person feels like they are giving more than they are getting (money, time, emotions) then they build up resentment. It's a lot harder for a relationship to feel equal when one person had kids. It can be done and usually you need to work on making a solid relationship before the person without kids steps in to help financially or start acting like a parent. It sounds like she is rushing you because she is not happy with the current situation. You need to focus on building your relationship to be stronger first.
grammyjean
New member
@duggadakumar So u don’t think I’m crazy? Lol or a piece of shit
I’ll post to those subreddits as well n seek their opinions too
I’ll post to those subreddits as well n seek their opinions too
duggadakumar
New member
@grammyjean Crazy maybe, I learned long ago to be very careful about giving people/family money for their bills. They quickly become dependent on it and then basically you have another bill.
Your GF should go for child support because it would really help her and her kids deserve it. It sounds like she is very proud but she shouldn't be too proud to make the dad support his kid.
Your GF should go for child support because it would really help her and her kids deserve it. It sounds like she is very proud but she shouldn't be too proud to make the dad support his kid.
grammyjean
New member
@duggadakumar Well I’ve heard from some ppl that how can she expect the man to do everything but not have the child’s father on child support some ppl find that contradictive
duggadakumar
New member
@grammyjean That's reasonable, it sounds like she wants to shift his responsibility to you and that's not fair.
I think k you should give her an ultimatum, get child support set up THEN you can move in together. Then you two will be on more equal footing. This is the right thing to do for the child.
I think k you should give her an ultimatum, get child support set up THEN you can move in together. Then you two will be on more equal footing. This is the right thing to do for the child.
grammyjean
New member
@duggadakumar That’s exactly how I feel!
katrina2017
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@grammyjean She's not independent and she's not good relationship material. She should be supporting herself and her child, or at the very least if her parents are helping her with a place to stay she should be working full time and banking every dime she can for savings, or go to school full time. She's a right fighter and you're either going to be on your own or you're going to be fighting with her for the rest of your life.
grammyjean
New member
@katrina2017 So there’s nothing wrong with me encouraging her that she is capable of supporting herself?
katrina2017
New member
@grammyjean If she was 17 and trying to make it work with a baby and living with her parents, ok. But she's closer to 30 than 20 and should be responsible by now.
If she's only working part time why is she paying for daycare? If she has daycare she should be working full time. Saying she can't do it herself is bogus. It's nice to have help but you should be able to support yourself.
If she's only working part time why is she paying for daycare? If she has daycare she should be working full time. Saying she can't do it herself is bogus. It's nice to have help but you should be able to support yourself.
grammyjean
New member
@katrina2017 I said she could work full time n she freaked out on me saying she can’t lol like whaaaaat
katrina2017
New member
@grammyjean It's ok for the rest of the world but not her.
Will this be acceptable for her to be doing 10 years from now when you're married with 3 kids and she still won't work full time?
Will this be acceptable for her to be doing 10 years from now when you're married with 3 kids and she still won't work full time?
grammyjean
New member
@katrina2017 Not for me it won’t
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