@ecowolf True.. I never said that was an issue. I’m saying that she shouldn’t feel as if I should come in and do everything for her so she can get by scotch free. There should b some kind of shared Financial responsibilities.
Cuz truth of the matter is that if I took on all the responsibility of that by my self n moved her in n later on got tired of it n decided she need to get out I’m not legally responsible for her child so like what would she do if she so heavily dependent on me.
@grammyjean Single mom here. She’s not independent and that’s not necessarily a negative thing due to her circumstances but she should be honest with herself. Personally I vowed to be independent before moving in with a significant other because I wanted that experience. Some women don’t need that and perhaps she’s one of them
@katrina2017 I agree I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.. but to then throw in my face that she doesn’t need a man but tells me I need to do more in order to support her, sorry but yeah I see a bit of delusion in that
@grammyjean I guess I would step back and think about what you really want to happen here - do you just want her to accept the fact that she's not fully financially + logistically independent, or do you WANT her to be fully financially + logistically independent? I mean how much does it really matter if she says she's an independent woman and doesn't need a man?
Unfortunately, I'm getting the vibe that you don't really respect her. And it's OK if she's not in a life place that matches yours and allows for the two of you to have a healthy relationship right now. However, if you don't fully, honestly respect her, then please just break up with her so you can find someone you DO respect and she can find someone who does fully respect her for who she is right now. Arguing about how independent the two of you are is a really bad sign and overall your post just screams that neither of you actually respect the other. This causes a lot of resentment and leads to a really toxic relationship.
Is she going to school? Why is she only working part time? Instead of arguing I would be very clear with YOURSELF. You either understand this is a casual relationship and stay away from her child, or you move on.
I’ve been in the same situation as her, and a boyfriend was the last thing on my mind.
@grammyjean In that case, she’s made it clear she is looking for someone to provide for her. It’s up to you if you want to follow along but you need to stop arguing over the independent thing.
@grammyjean Because she is a child. And she knows it. She might be in denial about it, but she knows she’s not independent. It also sounds like she’s not taking steps to change that.
She doesn’t not receive child support or govt assistances.
As far to my knowledge, she only pays for her car note, cell phone bill, gas for her car, and day care and needs (food, diapers, etc) for her child and maybe a few small extra stuff that you wouldn’t need to survive."
@grammyjean Calling herself independent while clearly not being independent is an issue. It means she is delusional and a liar. This has nothing at all to do with being a single mom though being a single mom lead to her situation. Everything else aside, she is a liar to you and to herself. Wouldn't it be more humble and truthful to say she is working on getting back on her feet? That she is working to become independent and take care of her family? Wouldn't it be nice if she appreciated your help whether she needs it or not?
Generally when people have to tell you they are independent, honest, generous, faithful then they aren't. If you actually are those things your actions speak for themselves.
I think she is confusing emotionally independent with financially independent. She is basically telling you she doesn't need you emotionally, but would like you to help out to have a better household. She sounds like an immature person that has not yet learned to pull her own weight.
@duggadakumar Yeah Ik n just yesterday she said to me she can’t b with a man that doesn’t carry the same weight as she does, let me tell u that confused me completely
@grammyjean Yeah she is thinking about emotions and you are thinking about money. I think if you had a talk with her about your different perspectives it would help.
@duggadakumar Oh trust me I’ve tried lol she’s tells me I’m not seeing or understanding her perspective and I never will because I’m not a parent... but I do cuz I was raised by a single parent who did it by them selves
