Single parents.. mainly mothers! Answer me this... is my girlfriend (26) independent?

[katrina2017]

@grammyjean She’s not “independent” in the truest sense of the word in that she relies on others. Maybe she means emotionally independent in that she doesn’t need a man to validate herself?

This sounds like a really pointless argument. What are you guys even arguing about? That you would like for her to be truly financially independent but that she insists she already is? You don’t stay in a relationship to try and change a person. Either you accept her the way she lives her life or you don’t.

 

[grammyjean]

@katrina2017 Nah she means financially atleast that’s what I’m hearing from her

 

[humbleservant46]

@grammyjean Since when is being able to cook a meatloaf a sign of independence? Let it go, dude.

 

[grammyjean]

@humbleservant46 You got too hung up on the specific example.. look at the bigger picture

Being able to cook for ones self is independence instead of needing a already prepped meal in a TV dinner or can of soup

I can get the ingredients to make the things in the can of soup or TV dinner that independently prepping a meal

 

[humbleservant46]

@grammyjean At the end of the day, whether the soup came from a can or from a recipe, everyone's fed. Who cares.

 

[grammyjean]

@humbleservant46 Once again you clinging to hard to that 1 single point take a look at the larger picture

 

[sacm]

@grammyjean You’re just getting railed for holding someone responsible for themselves. I’m not saying some of what y’all are arguing isn’t a little petty- but I get what you mean and why it bothers you. Might be the only one in this thread lol

 

[grammyjean]

@sacm Omg thank u ! Lol so I’m not being crazy or unreasonable for thinking this way

 

[mn_of_stl]

@grammyjean You don’t seem to like your girlfriend much. Why are you with her? Why are you here? Honestly, it sounds like you’re hoping a bunch of strangers will side with you so you can put her down and then point to “everyone” who agrees with you. Super gross.

 

[grammyjean]

@mn_of_stl Nah I’m really trying to understand the opposition I really am but I just don’t I see no rationality to it.

As far as I have heard, it’s a bunch of the same stuff my girlfriend says that leads to circles, with if this than that->well if that then this->repeat

I’ve also been told I don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent n I agreed but idk why that’s a valid point I feel as if telling that me serves no purpose. So I don’t know how exactly it’s like to be a parent but were we talking about that if she’s a parent or not she can still either be an independent or dependent person so I’m not understanding why bring that up.

I’ve heard ppl say she doesn’t need me, okay great she doesn’t need me so why is she telling me to get xyz jobs in order to take care of her n her child, does that kinda sound like that’s building a sense of dependence on me?

I’ve heard she does enough n you shouldnt tell she isn’t, like where did I tell her she isn’t ? I simply stated that if she wanted to do more then she can, not that she isn’t doing enough, n by me saying that is being taken as me saying she isn’t doing enough n round in circles we go

 

[mn_of_stl]

@grammyjean Like I said, it sounds like you don’t even like her. It sounds like you’re hoping someone on the internet will tell you how to win this argument with her girlfriend. And the only way to win this argument is to make your girlfriend feel bad. If that’s what you want, then you suck. If that’s NOT what you want, then you need to stop what you’re doing and find a better way to communicate with your girlfriend.

 

[grammyjean]

@mn_of_stl I’ve tried just letting it go n not bringing it up then boom she does. That doesn’t work.

Talking it through “nicely” trying to avoid hurting her feelings. Tried that. It’s almost like too soft of a approach n she shoots it down n will hang up on me or stone wall.

Tried aggressive approach, that’s too much n it does hurt her feelings n she starts attacking and becoming defensive.

So now the option I’m trying is to take a break n she’s pissed off n prolly thinks I’m back footing out of the relationship n I’ve made very clear I’m not

I mean truth hurts sometimes but your never gonna fix it if you dont get called out on it

Idk what else to do.

 

[rbh]

@grammyjean As a single mother who lives alone with her toddler, works full-time and doesn't have parents who help, I say no, but I am biased.

She's lucky to have such supportive family members.

 

[grammyjean]

@rbh She most definitely is lucky but it feels like she trying to transfer their supportiveness over to me n I should b supportive (which I should) but it sounds like she wants to solely depend on me

 

[ecowolf]

@grammyjean You sound like my ex.

How long have you been together? Is moving in together something you’ve talked about? If so, why on earth would she move out of her dads place just to get a new place with you?

It sounds to me like you’re being petty. She doesn’t need you.

 

[grammyjean]

@ecowolf Lol we have talked about n she says that as a man I should pay for everything when it comes to living cost n she shouldn’t have to pay for anything besides her child’s needs

But she’s unable to do that on her own but she wants me to do it

How does that not build dependence on me ? Cuz to me it sounds like she’s trying to depend on me to do such

 

[ecowolf]

@grammyjean Sounds to me like she’s trying to build her family with you, more like. It seems like she’s thinking long term. Have you talked about marriage? Future children?

 

[grammyjean]

@ecowolf I have the same thoughts in mind.. but I’m not in a relationship with her to save her from her circumstances. I will sure help her I’ll pitch in but I’m not finna take on all her responsibilities on my self she won’t have any

No on marriage
N slightly about kids, she doesn’t want another rn n I’m not ready to have my own yet but I have no problem being in the role of treating her child as my own

 

[ecowolf]

@grammyjean But if you were to treat her child as your own, wouldn’t that include providing housing?

 

[sacm]

@ecowolf If they live together, and OP doesn’t feel comfortable literally paying for EVERYTHING (which is an agreement some couples make and others do not) doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t contribute to the household costs as well. She can pay the power bill or part of the rent, right? She got arms n legs and can work, can’t she?
I think everyone is picking apart OPs responses to a degree that distorts what his point is.
She’s calling herself completely independent, while relying on her father to pay all of her household costs and cook for her and her daughter, and then rides her BFs ass for not giving her money, and then has the nerve to say she isn’t dependent on others.

No, she doesn’t need him- and he don’t need her, either.

I’m a single mom who gets no govt assistance or child support. I pay my own mortgage, utilities, groceries, gas, insurance, etc- ON MY OWN. My ex was financially dependent on me for the times we would go out- I paid for everything we did together. I paid his power bill more than once... and when we discussed moving in, he had the nerve to tell me that “he won’t be roped into raising and paying for someone else’s fucking kid”... and I honestly think women like OPs gf are partly to blame for men thinking that shit.

It was insulting and I left his broke ass for insinuating that a woman caring for a child on her own AND paying for everything her man wants ISNT independent or is trying to trap a guy. Fucking bullshit. Fuck people who act like they do everything on their own and demand people to pick up their tab and also be regarded as self-sustaining and independent.