Should I tell my parents I was raped?

[thoyasgrea]

@chesney As a mum with a daughter, I would absolutely want to know. However, I know what it's like from your point of view. When I was younger I was raped by my boyfriend who I was living with at the time. It's taken me years to actually admit to myself what happened, because I felt like I'd put myself in that situation and was so confused about whether I should even call it rape because of our relationship at the time. I still have never told most of my family for fear of how they'd react, but I'd definitely recommend speaking to someone, a therapist or charity, so you can start to heal.

For what it's worth what happened is absolutely not your fault. It doesn't matter how it happened or how you met the person, violating your trust and body like that is never okay in any situation.

 

[confuseddotcom]

@chesney I'm strongly against online dating. However if my daughter was in this situation I'd definitely want to know. I don't know you're parents but this is my style of parenting. I want my daughter to be who she is. She isn't perfect is gonna make her choices in life. I will always be behind her a 100% even if it's choices I don't agree with. Even if she went against my advice I'll always be there. Parents are always supposed to have unconstitutional love for their children.

I'm so Sorry this happened to you. You absolutely do not deserve this hope you can tell your parents. I hope they bring you comfort and love.

 

[goodrage]

@chesney Im so sorry that happened to you love..Just told my parents like 15 min ago I was raped also (M) . But in juvenile hall when I was 14 and the guy was 17. I don't know how she feels but she keeps hugging me like crazy so I'm not sure if you should tell them now or the future

 

[adzkygodgirl]

@goodrage I’m so sorry to hear that first and foremost but just know you’re incredibly brave and strong. I really hope things are better for you now and you can heal, which is never linear and is different for everyone. Hang in there and sending love

 

[mosessaloe]

@chesney OP I know this is a late reply but I saw your update and I’m very happy for you

 

[rotags47]

@chesney I’m a mom of 2. I’m 43. I was sexually abused as a child. I held it in for my parents, for my brother, for everyone that it could affect. It almost killed me. Literally. When I had kids I lost my ability to function. After many visits to doctors and therapist I was repeatedly was told I have PTSD, anxiety, major depressive disorder. I’m on lexapro, buspar, Ativan and cbd oil.

My point: I wished I had talked about it. I wish I had told my parents, my teachers... everyone that would listen so I could have gotten the help I needed (both for it to stop and to heal).

Don’t hold this in. It could kill you.

 

[chesney]

@rotags47 I am already on Lexapro for anxiety that was diagnosed years ago, so hello fellow lexabro lol!

I'm so sorry to hear that it affected you this much. I am scared of what my mom will say because this means, at some point, I was sexually active. I am always safe of course, but I think she'd be focused more on the fact that I have had sex with multiple men rather than the issue at hand...

 

[rotags47]

@chesney Yeah. I think I agree with other commenter. Sounds like your mom has some pretty toxic beliefs. It might be best to wait until you know it’s safe.

 

[357girl]

@chesney I’ve got a 3.5 y/o daughter, 13 y/o stepdaughter, and 14 y/o stepson. I would absolutely want to know if anything ever happened to any of them.

 

[slw]

@chesney What does your therapist have to say about this?

 

[kiki123]

@chesney I don't have a daughter, but I am a parent. I would want to know if this had happened. I would want to do everything possible to ensure that my child is getting the help he needs, as well as try to go after the person responsible (if possible). My parents have backwards views about online dating as well, but that's no reason to disregard your trauma.

I really hope you're able to get help And I'm so sorry that you had to experience this.

 

[yellowleaf]

@chesney As a parent, I would want to know. I’m so sorry that your mother is that way. It is not your fault. At all. It’s on whatever asshat thought he had the right to your body. If your mom will go to therapy or counseling, that would be great. If not, find someone close, who will support you to help you through. Don’t hold your feelings in. I know I’m (25f-mom) just some stranger on the Internet, but if you need to talk, even if you just want to get it all out, my inbox is open.

 

[creepted]

@chesney I as a parent would want to know, and I have had my child confide in me about rape. I have taught all of my kids about their bodies and consent, and have stressed over and over, that I am always here for them and want to help them if someone has hurt them. The fact my kiddo ( a preteen boy) told me at all is a miracle, since generally boys do not tell. I have been endlessly thankful that he trusted me and felt safe enough to tell. Its been a difficult time for him and he's been diagnosed with PTSD. He's struggling, but we are all fighting this out with him.

However, the things your mom has said about rape already make me think she might not be a safe person to tell while you are still healing from the trauma.
My mother was not sympathetic when I told her i was raped ( many years after the fact) and she told me it was my fault and I had no right to be 'traumatized' by it. My mother is also a giant cunt who is an awful parent in pretty much every aspect. It's not likely your mom would respond the same as mine, but she may not respond in a way that helps you, and could be more of an emotional burden then you are currently prepared or equipped to handle, which is why i think you've not told her for this long already.

You need to think about you in this, and should not confide in anyone who isn't a for sure safe place for you until you have gotten to a point of being strong enough to take rejection or an emotional overload from the other person.

 

[jesussoldier]

@chesney I hope you reported it already. But as far as telling your parents, they e already given you their stance on the subject so I don't see a need to rush to tell them unless you are completely ready. Telling your confidants can be a big help in healing though, it just doesn't sound like your parents are one of them. Maybe heal up a little before telling them in case they stand their grounds on victim blaming.

 

[vladlak89]

@chesney What you do is a reflection of yourself (seeking help and comfort) how they react is a reflection of them. It will be hard and they may lash out in anger, anger is a secondary emotion derived from pain. I dont have an answer but I feel it would help, perhaps not in the moment or in the time for them to process.

 

[chedders047]

@chesney The fact that your mom comes from that school of thought, I’d be careful. I know there are a few cultures that still follow honor killings — I’m hoping that yours is not amongst them but it’s still hard to challenge the behaviors and beliefs of orthodox folks or reason with them even when their parental duty supersedes their religious/moral values. I wish you peace, courage and the utmost respect that you absolutely deserve. Keep seeing your therapist if it’s helping you.

 

[katrina2017]

@chesney I'm soooo sorry you went through that and they're so inconsiderate about it. If you can get therapy on your own I would. If you think they'll support you I'd tell them. Otherwise talking to a therapist and getting help will help you more. I've been raped myself and outside of the rape that Happened when I got pregnant with my daughter I have never spoken about it to my family. It's just too much. If you would like to talk message me. I hope you can start to feel better and get the help you deserve.

 

[editorplough]

@chesney I would want my daughter to be able to tell me anything. I am SO sorry that you are going through this, I am sorry that you don’t know where to turn. You deserve love & support and if you think you can get that from your Mum then please tell her.

This wasn’t your fault. Keep telling yourself that xx

 

[lemonpanda11]

@chesney I would absolutely most definitely want to know and would try to support you in any way possible. I am a parent to two teenagers and would do anything in my power to protect them. What a horrible burden to carry, my heart goes out to you. This is absolutely in no way your fault. Sounds to me like you need psychological help to be able to work through your trauma. And you should consider pressing charges. Other people may suffer from this criminal.

 

[killjoykelly]

@chesney Please let me know if you need to talk. I don't want to second guess what your parents may say, but even if my kids make a mistake and I'm disappointed with it (it, not them), my love for my children will still take center stage.

Consult also with people who may know your parents and you can trust. They may have a better idea of how to approach it.

Rape is never right. Your parents should have the chance to fight for you.