My 14 y/o daughter’s first bf cheated on her while he was drunk and high (!!) on vacation. He’s also 14. Should I tell his parent what happened?

[alwaysbethinkin]

@bianca123 If you’d been watching it probably would have been worse.

Just talk to your kids from a young age about risks and safety!

I’m so glad I did that with my kid and when he was offered and took drugs he called me saying he was having bad time. He knew he could trust me to help him.

 

[bianca123]

@alwaysbethinkin We did. Still are. He made the choice he did when offered and went with it. I think he'll be ok but we need his cognitive and emotional maturity to kick in and it's just not there with a 15-year-old boy yet. (Him at least)

 

[l1cocbdd]

@butterfly123 Let ‘em learn on they own dawg. Nobody improves by being coddled. Man up and man your cold up.

 

[seekingbutnotfinding]

@butterfly123 No don’t do that you weirdo

 

[map747]

@butterfly123 This whole post is just gross on so many levels. This is helicopter parenting that a level I've never seen before. You need to fucking back off, like yesterday. What exactly would you tell his parents?? What do you expect the outcome to be?? I mean, sure. Tell them. But you're gonna end up getting laughed out of the room.

 

[edybot]

@butterfly123

1. You are a psycho with reading your kids texts and smugly justifying by saying “when you pay you can have privacy”. What a joke
2. You are actually considering reaching out to the boys parents? You need to get a life of your own. My god

 

[dove2012]

@butterfly123 Eh not much you can do. But I'd just trash him every chance I got. Like give him a bad nickname, "how is your piece of trash loser cheating boyfriend this evening, daughter?"

 

[kosiu1]

@dove2012 That's fucking awful jesus christ. And you're a parent?

 

[dove2012]

@kosiu1 Oh shit lol I was just kidding

 

[mmt635]

@butterfly123 Okay, just a thought. I have many friends who have struggled with eating disorders because it's something they have control over. A person will only have this happen if they're feeling out of control: such as a parent monitoring everything they do, no privacy, strict etc. Let go a little.

 

[butterfly123]

@mmt635 Thanks for taking time to reply out of concern. That's a super common mis-conception about eating disorders, and one I might have agreed with before starting this awful journey. Wasn't really here to discuss the ED, but mentioned it because I recognize why my supervision is more extreme than it might be otherwise.

I am so sorry for your friends who are suffering. It's important to know that Eating Disorders aren't cause by lack of control. OCD/Anxiety/Depression are behaviors triggered in some people's brains if their energy expenditure exceeds their intake. Like many diseases, the 'cause' is up to 60% genetic, and there are outside factors that play a large roll in whether or not someone will develop the disease.

What's below is copied from the Mayo Clinic, and gives a better sense of causes and risks. I wish your friends all the best - it can be a super long journey, but with support from caring family - and friends like you -many will recover!

"Eating Disorders are genetic, metabolic, brain-based disorders driven by biology

They are not a choice or driven by a need for control

Eating disorders are triggered when a predisposed individual has a negative calorie balance, taking in less energy than they expend

Initial negative calorie balance/weight loss may be intentional or unintentional

Body dysmorphia and the obsession with being thin are a symptom of the eating disorder, not the cause

EDs are not caused by parents, trauma, bullies, school, or poor self image

EDs affect people of all genders, ages, races, ethnicities, body shapes and weights, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status

Eating Disorders taken together have the 2nd highest mortality rate of mental illnesses

Anorexia alone has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness due to physical dangers and high suicide rates; up to 20% will die from the disorder"

 

[mmt635]

@butterfly123 Ah okay, I see. I realize now my comment was a bit ruder than I intended it to be, so sorry for that. Thank you for the info, I don't know a whole lot about eating disorders, just wanted to share what my friends told me personally about theirs and what their therapists helped them to figure out. I'm very sorry your daughter and family is going through that, though it's not what you wanted advice on.

 

[12antoniobu]

@butterfly123 Please, please be careful in monitoring her and taking away privacy due to an ED. This can so easily become a spiral of shame and avoidance for her. She will learn to hide her symptoms and lie to you. An ED isn't fixed by making it difficult to exercise the symptoms, that just most likely exacerbates the underlying issues causing the symptoms. You sound like a caring and loving mom trying to do what was best. My mom was too. She thought I was fine after monitoring and intervention at 14 and 15, ED fixed. It soooo wasn't. And then I went to college, and she wasn't even there to make binging and purging more difficult and it quickly spiraled even more out of control.

 

[butterfly123]

@12antoniobu Oh I’m so sorry you suffered/are suffering from an ED. I hope you’re in a place you can seek treatment if you still need it.
Learning independence at a safe pace in a safe space is definitely important for our D14. I hope the next 4 years of HS she’ll keep making progress & learn the coping skills to stay in a healthy space. Thank you for commenting out of concern.