She isn’t a morning person

@saidagha Yes, I’ve tried giving her choices but sometimes that only does so much! I love the idea of getting ready together, I think that will make her feel more “grown up” and like mommy.

I really, really love the way you framed it at the end. I am going to be using that from now on, it’s such a firm but clear explanation for why it must be done. I can’t thank you enough!
 
@lollylovesyeshua No problem. It’s a hard balance, because there’s sooo much to do in a day and a limited amount of time. But without fail, my kids behave better when my spouse and I make time to spend with them together, and pay them attention. Last night I started a Lego project with my son, and bedtime was a cinch. He didn’t even “I have to go potty” once!

I also frame discipline that way too - “I’m really sad that you chose a time-out instead of obeying me.” Take responsibility for your screw-ups and hold them responsible for theirs. They choose their behavior, and if you are clear about what discipline will ensue, they chose the discipline. I constantly tell them “Let’s make a good decision here!”
 
@lollylovesyeshua I have a 2.5yo. Usually they go to daycare wearing the same clothes as the night before. I just don't see it as important to change clothes more often than once every day or two. But yeah, sometimes slinging them over my shoulder is the only way I reckon. Feeling your stress.
 
@lollylovesyeshua This won’t be popular, but instead of
Pajamas, put her to bed in her school clothes. Doing that saved me literally 15-20 mins of struggles in the am. I figure it will hopefully end one day. But survival right now.
And snack bars/on the go crap in the car for breakfast.
We pretty much wake up and brush teeth. Then car.

So sorry you’re feeling that way. You’re not alone!
 
@lollylovesyeshua We have are going through this off and on, 3 years now. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes to get out the door. We explain, try to help, do breathing exercises, hold/hug her, offer her “turnarounds” (do X right now and you won’t lose iPad access), etc. nothing has been surefire.

It is EXTREMELY frustrating and drains us for the day.

I’m sorry you go through it too. Sounds like you’re doing ok, it’s just part of it. One thing I have noticed that helps is being consistent and following through on punishments. If you say it, do it, and don’t go back on it. “Brush your teeth now or you’ll lose (favorite toy) for a week.” They don’t have a good reference for time but eventually it will stick.

If the kid continues to misbehave, don’t fight it. Let him/her go in jammies, or with dirty teeth. Sometimes the fight isn’t worth the energy cost. The kid will learn.

Don’t want to brush your hair? Fine. Let’s go. Kid comes home with a tangled mess. Ok. Live and learn. Teachers UNDERSTAND. If people judge you, f—k them. They don’t live your life.
 
@redeemed234 Yes, follow through is so important. I appreciate your input and ideas! Baby girl may have to go to school lookin’ like a hot mess if it’s getting too tough. Not worth the fight! Thank you, thank you!
 
@lollylovesyeshua When my kids were going to preschool I made sure that they went to bed in time to not only wake up on their own, but wake up restfully and slowly if needed, and have time to play a little to get the imagination primed for the rest of the day. This might mean going to bed right after supper, but it's worth it to have a well rested child.

If I get angry with the kids it does nothing - but sometimes I explain how I feel and that I'm in a hurry and they sometimes understand.
 
@slaw7777 I am starting to think she is just a slow riser. Once fully awake (in the car normally), she is bubbly and talkative. It’s just the initial waking up, getting ready etc.

I think that’s why I wanted to reach out for alternatives because I’m seeing my anger is pointless and making her upset. I hate seeing it and it doesn’t lead to any positive outcome for either of us!
 
@lollylovesyeshua Spanking and shouting is bad and just perpetuates her morning hatred. Seems you know already, control it.

Try getting her enthused about some morning activities. Let her find a favourite breakfast, mine loves unicorn fruit loops. Get her some agency in choosing her clothes, her hair stuff, her tooth paste.. Find something in mornings she can love.

Talk about fun activities she will do during the day. Use your own enthusiasm and energy to set an example, be wary of how much pressure you exert.
 
@lollylovesyeshua Single dad with a 2 year old.

First things first, you can’t apologize for disciplining your child. I’ve figured out that when I do that, it tells my kid “Oh, well I can still do this. I might get in trouble, but then again I might not since Daddy always feels bad for it.”

Trust me, I know it’s hard and feels shitty to be the one who made them cry. But she will forgive you. My little one typically forgets all about it within 30 minutes or so.

I tend to take a pretty hardline stance on discipline though. Prior military, maybe that has something to do with it.

Regarding her mornings, I understand wanting her to have a good start to her day. I always want my child to wake up happy. You say your job is understanding, and I believe that, but everyone has their limits. Is her having a good morning worth you being let go over tardiness? Remind her that by dragging her ass, she’s putting her entire lifestyle at risk because she could potentially cost you your job.

It sounds to me like the kid has this in mind: “Yea, I know I need to get up, but if I don’t, all mom will do is bitch at me. Whoop-dee-doo!”

Take things away. Restrict privileges. Teach her that there are severe consequences for not listening to Mom and putting Mom’s career at risk. I get it, I loathe getting up in the morning. But once you get your feet on the ground, you’re good to go.

I hope at least part of this helps.
 
@gregbishop I can't imagine most of that being super effective on a 2-3yr old. I agree with all of it in principle for "awake stuff" but threatening what is still pretty much a toddler with punishments for not waking up on time is pretty unfair for me. They're sleeping, hence not really thinking of the consequences of not waking up.

Once they're awake though, sure, that's fairer game.
 
@joylakala Not directly, no. But she will understand if you say it in a way that she can. “All these toys and games you enjoy? Mommy has to go to work to be able to give those things to you. If you don’t get up, mommy can’t go to work, so mommy can’t buy any more toys”
 
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