Seeking advice: Dating as a coparenting single mom, in a complicated relationship

[iloveonlychrist03]

@praveen123 100% agree with every word spot on!!

 

[shalouand]

@praveen123 Fake!

 

[praveen123]

@shalouand ??

 

[burnmydread]

@lightspeed2slow Are you and your kids living with this man after 8 months of dating? Seems a little quick, but that’s up to you.

I would not expect someone I was dating to change their life for my kids (waking up earlier for them), I would also not accept anyone getting drunk around my kids and or being inappropriate.

Why are you with this guy if his drinking is impacting your kids?

 

[shutupandrock94]

@lightspeed2slow Run, don't walk. You're better off without him. A lot of people here saying it's not his responsibility to care for your kids or change his old habits. Well, if he is not willing to show a little effort to contribute to the relationship which is supporting you and your kids, he's not the one. I can't imagine in a longer run. You don't need another man child.

 

[marinemike]

@shutupandrock94 This is also a good time to leave and hopefully the oldest kid won’t remember him much. It just doesn’t sound like a good situation at all. Definitely not so soon. And definitely not with someone who has so many red flags already.

 

[tissuepaperpet]

@lightspeed2slow I find it naive to expect that your boyfriend could change. Guys with bachelor lifestyle and drinking problem (especially if he is not in his twenties anymore) don't change. They are the most comfortable being who they are... Even if he would change most likely it is not gonna last.

 

[mitexan34]

@tissuepaperpet Exactly... and if he's not trying to impress her now while it's still new, it's not going to get any better!

 

[anonymous108723]

@lightspeed2slow Umm yeah, end the relationship. Why are you calling your kids "our kids" after 8 months of fasting this guy?

He sounds like a loser rebound. You have moved too fast with this and I suggest taking time to yourself. If you have to make a reddit post about whether or not you should date an alcoholic after a recent divorce... He's certainly not supportive.

 

[katrina2017]

@lightspeed2slow Drop him and stay single until your children are grown. That's the best advice I can give you.

 

[kovadogs]

@lightspeed2slow Ditch the new BF. Often after divorce separation our standards are extremely low. With dating experience you likely will have higher standards and find a better match.

 

[silvershark]

@lightspeed2slow What you allow is what will continue. None of this is good here or bodes well for a long term relationship. So, break up now. Your only obligation is to you and your kids. Full stop.

Alcoholism, even if seemingly controlled, isn’t great for kids to grow up around.

Anyone they see interacting with you is teaching them how to treat* women and what behavior to accept and allow.

Read Lundy’s Why Does He Do That - it’s an audiobook for free at your public library through Libby and there are free PDFs online. Get out. Now.

 

[johnmbanares]

@lightspeed2slow The jealousy, insecurity and especially the drinking are all serious red flags here. If he has already behaved inappropriately in front of your children due to drinking, that is reason enough to end the relationship. You are not being too demanding, but you need to put their health and safety as well as your own first and he is clearly not in a state to provide a great environment for those priorities.

 

[frankae003]

@lightspeed2slow Sorry to say OP, as someone who has experienced alcohol issues with a partner before - that you need to run. He has an addiction, and no will power or strategy on your part will change that. When someone has an addiction (has a negative impact on their life/relationships and they still partake) you will always end up last. Maybe not all the time - but when things come right down to it - alcohol will win every time.

Get out of that relationship. If you are the breadwinner, you should be able to manage financially. Don’t trade one unhealthy relationship for another. Become strong in yourself, without a man first, then seek out people who already have it together. This alcohol issue will not go away and nothing stays the same, so it will most likely get worse.

I can almost guarantee that he won’t stick to sobriety, and your children’s good health is not worth the gamble on this guy who is guilt-tripping you, and exhausting you emotionally. You are better off on your own than being with the wrong person.

That’s my 2 cents. Good luck!!