SAHPs, what do you do when random people are causing a problem for you?

A

ajewelinhiscrown

New member
Today, I'm driving my family to catch a ferry. We stop at a grocery store. We park in front because all the spaces are taken and my wife is running into the store, but now my 4 y/o has insisted on going with her. My 1 1/2 y/o has been screaming for the past ten minutes because she wanted to get out of the car seat, but I just couldn't stop at that point to simply walk her around on the side of the highway. So she's had it and my 6 y/o has also asked to go into the store, and my wife is fine with taking all of them while I wait outside. So I'm helping them all get out of the car. We're not in a parking space, but we're not blocking any car's path in the parking lot either.

This SUV driven by an obviously well-off white couple keeps inching closer and closer to my car with the woman in the passenger seat. This was stressing me out. I was already stressed out with my child screaming and I was constantly watching the time due to the ferry departure (as I do). But these people weren't simply driving past us. I could still see them in the corner of my eye staring us down. They obviously weren't going to just go around me. I hate this.

So I walked up to the car. I didn't yell, but I absolutely asserted dominance and emphatically said to them: "My kids are screaming. I'm getting them out of the car." I then gestured with both hands like an aircraft marshaller on the runway directs a plane: "Go around me. There is space. Go around."

This whole time the husband said nothing, because I'm sure he could understand my plight and his wife was likely the one in the car complaining about having to drive around us, which is literally not a problem whatsoever, she was probably just being, well a you know what. So the husband slowly drives around my car, while the wife who was clearly NOT happy she was being told what to do (and why not? They weren't going around me to begin with, so they obviously needed direction from someone 25 years younger than they were) just stared at me and said sarcastically, "Good parenting. Good parenting." as they left.

Well, it was good parenting. I was putting my kids first. I was helping get them out of the car, including my screaming 1 1/2 year old who had had enough and needed a break. Why prioritize complete and total strangers who are wealthy 65-70 year olds with NO kids who are out for a leisurely grocery store run? I'm the one who needed someone to spare me the hassle of dealing with them as I was already dealing with my three kids and helping my wife.

Thoughts?
 
@ajewelinhiscrown Venting anonymously on the internet helps! For real though, just typing it out usually relieves some of the pent up anger and stress. But I also try to remember that I’m never going to see these judgmental assholes every again so try not to let it get to me. I probably wouldn’t have even gone up to them. If the husband was too dumb to understand he could drive around you, that’s his problem not your’s.
 
@arrows Thank you. It totally helps typing it out and getting it "out there," just to at least let it all go, and I didn't want to go over it with my wife (who already has a ton on her mind, work, etc.,) or dwell on it in front of my kids because why tax them with any of it? Yes, I was totally saying that to myself earlier: I'm never seeing these people again. Who. Cares.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown I would just snap back, "Bad person. Bad person," as if she were a dog and watch her brain implode lmao Don't let it bother you. People literally complain about everything. A man gave me a dirty look for pushing my stroller down the sidewalk and he had to walk in the grass. He scowled at me when I greeted him. Big sad for him. My 1 year old is more mature than some adults. All you can do is laugh about it.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown I have never had a backbone and having kids is what finally made me grow one. I especially have always been timid to strangers and avoided conflict like the plague. Now I have no problem correcting other peoples’ children on the playground if they are out of line or hurting / being rude to my child. And the parents can bite me if they have an issue.

Luckily I really haven’t had any run-ins (yet) with the general public (due to being really careful about Covid), but it’s just a matter of time, I’m sure.
 
@seekinggracefully So I'm basically the same way. I'd say I always had a backbone because if something was really and truly wrong, I'd say something (rare), but I was always a people pleaser and I'd always be positive and just get through any situation as best I could, conflict free as possible. And yes, having kids changed me too. I will also immediately step in when someone's kid on the playground is acting insane or running so fast around my small children that it's dangerous.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown I agreed with everything you did except the walking up to the car. Maybe because I'm a woman, my immediate thought was 'ohh, danger'. I would have just given them a look and a hand wave to go around. I would not escalate the situation by approaching the car and leaving more space between me and my kids at the side of a street. Plus, I have the mindset that nobody cares for my kids like I do so why mention anything about the status of your kids crying/screaming. The drivers were impatient and you wanted them to go ahead and go around so the hand wave would do it.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown I would never walk up to a random car and "assert dominance" when out with my kid. De-escalation is always key. You were already stressed out; why engage? You don't know these people or anything they're capable of.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown Honestly this scene sounds like chaos. If I came upon someone parked in front of me unloading 3 small kids from their car, I'd probably stay behind too. Expect one of them to come darting out in front of me as I drive around.

That said, when random people are causing problems for me and my 2 kids, I ignore them.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown Honestly it sounds like you were stressed out and perhaps are projecting a lot onto them. They were just there waiting for you to finish before going around? I mean if I see kids getting out of a car I might wait, too, just for safety’s sake. What did they actually do wrong before you confronted them? Wait?

I mean to say the woman is doing something wrong when she wasn’t even driving feels weird. And you’re the one who walked up to them to “assert dominance.” And also you were parked in a place for driving and not parking.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown It’s a fine line between asserting yourself and possibly putting yourself in harm’s way with your kids being present. I wouldn’t go up to anyone with my kids around. I will give a look or maybe mutter something quietly. But I’ll more likely ignore them and continue dealing with the kids, all exasperated and sweating.

Also I live in Texas. I’m Hispanic and there are racist people everywhere who won’t hesitate to tell me something if given the chance. And I don’t trust the public right now, we’re too trigger happy.

So I would say just stay way over here on the safe side of the line, do what you’ve gotta do, then get out.
 
@ajewelinhiscrown I can understand, I don't think you did anything wrong, per se, but it could have gone better. After hearing so many stories of road rage and random crazies shooting each other, I try to avoid people at all costs. If anything, I might smile and wave, like, " yeah, I see you. Thanks for being weird."
 
@ajewelinhiscrown It doesn't sound like the car did anything wrong. Maybe passenger just had rbf and was complaining to her husband about him leaving his socks on the floor. I would probably also wait for the kids to get out because I would be worried a kid may try to dart away while I was driving around. Stopping the car and waiting might have just been the more safe option.
 
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