@begee What would you recommend then? Because otherwise, my baby isn’t sleeping unless being held. So he’s either crying for hours in his bassinet while I wear noise canceling headphones (cruel), or I’m sleep deprived holding him all day and accidentally falling asleep on the couch or rocking chair with him in my arms (unsafe). We can’t afford hired help, and we don’t have any retired or stay at home family members who live close enough to help on a regular basis. What’s the solution, in your opinion?
That’s not sarcastic. I would really like to know because if there is a safer option that is realistic, I’d love to know it. Co-sleeping was a last resort option for me. If you have a better solution, please tell me.
@chenml60 I exclusively nurse at night so I can’t totally answer your question, but the reasoning I’ve seen for the breastfeeding thing is that breastfed babies tend to stay near your breast and naturally wake up more often. That being said imo this is the least important aspect of SS7 and things like firm mattress, minimal pillows/blankets, not drinking or smoking, etc are way more important.
As for your other questions:
We do PJs and sleep sack
I wear flannel PJs and have a light blanket wrapped around my legs. Room is set to 70F
Baby is at breast because this keeps them away from the pillow.
@chenml60 Honestly, my daughter is 12 weeks old and since day 1 she will ONLY sleep while being held. My husband and I have done shifts this whole time but now that I’m back to work (we have to work opposite shifts) there’s not enough hours available for both of us to get a solid chunk of sleep every night while the other has the baby. I’m so tired. I fall asleep with my daughter on my chest almost every time it’s my turn to have her at night, and I feel really guilty about it. I set myself up in a way that I won’t roll over and I generally don’t fall deep asleep and wake up constantly checking her. At some point I had to get some sleep (even though it’s not good sleep) or I couldn’t function. She has silent reflux and we’re trying to get that sorted, and her pediatrician thinks she will sleep on her back better once we do. I keep telling myself this won’t last forever, but it feels like it might right now.
@futuredoctorofgod That’s exactly where I was at before I made the choice to be intentional about our sleeping arrangement. What are your daughters symptoms? Have you tired hypoallergenic formula yet?
@chenml60 She is super fussy, barely sleeps during the day, has super bad congestion in her throat mostly at night, always arching her back, screams when we lay her flat most of the time. We did try hypoallergenic formula and she seemed to get even crankier, so now we’re trying Prevacid. We also switched to a slower flow nipple and smaller feeds (which did help for a while). Unfortunately we have just had to find the safest way to have her sleep on us because no matter what we did she would not sleep as soon as we moved her off of us. She doesn’t even like her carrier very much anymore, she wants us to be actually holding her walking around the house.
@chenml60 Ultimately the answer isn't "do this and your baby WILL die of SIDS, do this other thing and they will not", risk is on a spectrum and you get to decide where you're willing to fall on that spectrum. The folks telling you "absolutely not don't ever do it" have made their choices and you get to make yours too and if you're at different points on the spectrum that's okay. Don't look to the internet for validation of your choices - it's your baby and your family.
My baby was combo fed until 5 months and then EFF after that. I would have happily coslept with her if that had worked for us. Unfortunately laying with mama in bed meant party time for her and she would get all hyped up rolling around like a rotisserie chicken. I would have minimized the risk as much as possible and what little risk remained, I would have accepted.
@dreamergirl I have one that is right next to the bed and the side sort of squishes down when weight is applied to it, and it hasn’t really helped my baby feel any closer to me. I would try to just put my hand on him when he fussed and he would just cry until held or was whole body against me. And at his age and weight, I can’t really justify buying another bassinet when he’s about to be crib sized. Our crib (haven’t built it yet) does have that drop down option so I will definitely try that, thank you!
@chenml60 Ah too bad. Just checking in case you hadn’t seen them. I didn’t know they were a thing until after I inherited our crib and bought our bassinet. Hopefully once yours transitions to the crib he’ll be able to sleep on his own better. I read the other week that 5-6 months they start to need less soothing to sleep.
@chenml60 Cosleepy on IG covers this often. Based on her explanation which is based on Sids rates, four months onwards it’s okay to bedshare even if formula feeding.
That said, I think only you know if it’s okay for your babe. Are you a heavy sleeper? Do you take prescription meds? How firm is your mattress?
You typically don’t put a bedsharing baby in more than pjs because of the overheating risk. And at the boob under your arm means they can’t travel up and get trapped
@butterscoth I’ll look into that account, thanks! I’m sleeping with baby (just me) on a firm mattress. I’m against the wall and his bassinet is tall enough to make a tall border on the other side of the mattress. When he was in his bassinet he would wiggle until I would wake up to him crying because he was smushed against the side. He doesn’t wiggle at all now. Maybe before he was trying to wiggle to find me? I’m not that heavy of a sleeper and I don’t drink or take meds at all. Thanks for the info!
@chenml60 I honestly can’t read those things so I might sound unorthodox here but I bed-share because it just feels right to me! I am aware of the risks but there are benefits as well. To answer your questions: my baby wears a regular onesie, then a pajama, then a light sleep sack. I usually wear a T-shirt, a hoodie, some sweatpants and some socks. I put a barrier for her up against the wall and I sleep on the other side of the bed that’s open and she sleeps in the middle, her head is at level with my neck. So I can hear her super close by. I don’t always do it but I do when she needs to be comforted at night.
@chenml60 I bed shared for a few hours every day to get through the four month regression. But, once we got passed that, baby girls been happy back in her crib!
@chenml60 Mine has been formula fed from day one & we started cosleeping around 3 months because he choked in his sleep on reflux… while in his crib, on his back.. alone.. ya know, the safest place for them to be? It was a terrifying experience & if I hadn’t woken up when I did to check on him right before it happened, I never would have heard my baby thrashing around trying to breathe. So to me personally, the risk of cosleeping beat the shit out of the risk of that ever happening again. Which it did, but never as severely because I would be right there to sit him up to help him clear it before he got to that point again.
That being said, I consciously cosleep & make it as safe as possible. I enjoy it & he enjoys it & with me being in school & going back to work while he’s in daycare I love all the cuddles I miss during the day.
@chenml60 We did with my first daughter, my husband was getting his degree in psychology and he had read studies about the benefits of co-sleeping and we were unsuccessful at breast feeding her. We had no issues. With our second daughter I have tried to get her to sleep in her crib but I would say she spends half of the time with us.
Our son was always in a crib and breast fed and he has to this day (10 years old) lots of comfort items. Our middle daughter is 7 and has no comfort items but for the longest time I was her comfort item I believe because she slept with us. Now after a bit of a struggle she sleeps in her own bed. It will be interesting to see how this hybrid situation we have going on plays out.
@chenml60 What about formula feeding with your shirt off for baby skin to skin and coalescing with your shirt off. Are there studies on that?
I followed safe sleep 7 and formula fed. Again I had an extra firm mattress that is on the floor and has crib rails around it. Baby slept with their sleep sack but I slept with my shirt off. I did paces feeding so baby did not go into a coma. My baby did not give me 5 hour stretches
