@chenml60 I EBF and combo fed when we bed shared (like you, I found the “I’d never risk it!” to be profoundly unhelpful…the fact that they didn’t resort to co-sleeping was proof positive that their kids never got as difficult as mine!), so we technically followed the safe sleep 7. BUT, it’s been a year since we nursed, and whenever my son sleeps with us (when he’s sick or when I feel the need for snuggles), I’m just as aware of him as I was back then. The position is much more important than the breastfeeding. And I say this as someone who is a deep sleeper…when he’s with us, I revert right back to that awareness.
Anyhow, you’re exactly correct that while bed sharing is riskier than crib sleeping, falling asleep on the couch or rocking chair is much more dangerous. You also have to think of other things…if you’re severely sleep deprived, how can you safely drive? What are the chances of leaving the stove on? Falling down the stairs? None of us are making decisions in a vacuum, and for some of us, bed sharing is the least risky of a bunch of not ideal options.
@pulickalbrothers Yes, thank you for this perspective. I already have fallen on my stairs in the last week! I was dead on my feet. I’m thankful that my husband had the baby at the time, but that could have very easily not been the case.
@chenml60 I’ve seen some have a mattress set up in another room for mom and baby without any of those extra sheets/blankets/pillow. I think I read that the safest way to practice it is having your body curled into a “c” around your baby, with their head near your breast. Something like that is probably safer than you accidentally falling asleep due to sleep deprivation and dropping your little one. I hope your pediatrician can offer you some ideas!
From what I understand, formula fed babies don’t fit into the requirements for safe sleep because that natural gravitation around the breast is what keeps you and the baby in a safe position even when you’re not conscious. Idk how legit that is, but it kind of makes sense. I
@chenml60 I weighed many of my decisions regarding SIDS risk based on how much risk I was willing to accept vs risk of things like becoming crazy sleep deprived, falling asleep and dropping baby. The SIDS risk calculator really helps put things in perspective: http://www.sidscalculator.com. I would recommend playing around with it vs making a decision based on purely anecdotal or personal experiences! It certainly helped me feel more secure about many of the decisions we made (formula feeding being one, although in full transparency we never reached the point where we needed to try bed sharing).
@chenml60 Nope, absolutely no co-sleeping or bed sharing. Safe Sleep 7 isn’t based on real life statistics. We have a friend who lost a baby co-sleeping this year.
@kowon What would you recommend then? Because otherwise, my baby isn’t sleeping unless being held. So he’s either crying in his bassinet while I wear noise cancelling head phones or I’m sleep deprived holding him all day and I’m accidentally falling asleep on the couch or rocking chair while he’s in my arms. Isn’t that more cruel or dangerous? We can’t afford hired help and we don’t have any retired or stay at home family members who live close enough to help on a regular basis. What’s the solution, in your opinion?
That’s not sarcastic. I would really like to know because if there is a safer option that’s realistic, I’d love to know it. Co-sleeping was a last resort option for me. If you have a better solution, please tell me.
@chenml60 Both of my babies had colic. It was the most miserable time of my life so I really do empathize with you. There were times I felt like I left my body I was so sleep deprived. You’re right. That state isn’t safe either.
The best you can do is have a partner who will do shifts with you. One person goes 8-2. The other person goes 2-8.
6-9 weeks old was hell with both of my boys and then it got better around 10 weeks. My best advice is to try and find something else that works because so many babies die from what you’re doing. It sucks to hear but hearing my husband get the call from his childhood friend that his son had just died was absolutely awful and I don’t wish that to happen to anyone.
@kowon My husband can only help me a few hours a day because he’s working and due to a medical condition can’t do any night shifts. I’m basically on my own.
@chenml60 Sleep deprivation is also a SIDS risk factor, but the I-would-never sanctimommies conveniently ignore that.
I resorted to co-sleeping with my first when she had RSV at 7 months old. It was the only way she could settle enough to sleep with that illness. Unfortunately she then decided that sleeping in my bed is the best thing ever, and refused to sleep in her cot. She's two this month, and I'm STILL trying to convince her to leave. I have a Bluey bed in my house that she loves for naps, but she won't sleep in it at night.
@ady2015 The risk isn’t nearly as high when baby is older than 6 months. OPs baby is only 8 weeks old. She is so close to things getting better so I would rather encourage her to seek a safe solution for now than say “oh it’s okay” when it’s not.
@kowon At what point did I say it's okay? I didn't say that, because I don't think co-sleeping is preferable. Your judgement is unnecessary and unreasonable.
@ady2015 Right! So far the few who have commented that they would never have yet to respond to my request for an alternative solution. Because what was going on seemed much riskier to me than what we’re doing now. I had to pick my poison and choose from the options available to me.
@ady2015 Following science isn’t being a sanctimonmy. Co-sleeping and not using a car seat correctly are two of the most dangerous but preventable things a parent can do.
@chenml60 My daughter sleeps in her bassinet till her dad leaves in the morning at 6 am. So after feeding and everything that goes with it. We sleep on the bed. But I have her sleeping on daddy's side. No covers no thing around her just a pillow to keep her from falling off. Though she's not that close to the edge. I have her head level with mine. I don't move around in my sleep so I k ow she is safe and she doesn't roll over yet. I'm a light sleeper when she's near me. So when she moves I get up and watch her then back to sleep. I have seen a lot but my opinion is. If she has room, and o can see her then she is safe for me. Usually just have her in a footie or if she's in a bodysuit then a sleep sack, the tank top kind.
@chenml60 We were willing to because it was that bad. We ended up not as baby could sleep on his but we were going to. It was bad, I was hearing things.
@chenml60 I heard “backstreets back” in the sound of the shower running…. And phones ringing at night which made it very difficult to sleep, because life is cruel.
