Pre-K teacher says my 4 year old is stealing

worshipguitar

New member
I would like to preface this by saying that my 4 year old often likes putting little things into their pockets. Things like rocks, leaves, tiny pine cones, tinsel, bottle caps, anything they find outside or around the house. I received an email from their Pre-K teacher today saying she would like to speak with me and to arrive towards the end of the school pick up time so we could speak alone. I panicked thinking it was something very serious.

During this after school meeting, the teacher walks my child to me. The teacher pulls out the two marbles from her own pocket and holds them out for me to see. She says they came from a game in the classroom and explains that she caught my child playing with them hours past the time they had cleaned up and put toys away. I want to point out that my child made no intention to hide the marbles. Then the teacher stands over my child and tells them “this is stealing and it is wrong. You are not to steal from my classroom ever again.” I was surprised by this, but in the moment just told my child “let’s not put things from the classroom into our pockets.” I said goodbye to the teacher and walked off with my child. When we were out of view, I talked to my child and explained that it’s okay to put things from home or outside (like the little rocks they find) into their pockets, but nothing from the classroom. My child agreed and said they just didn’t know. I gave my child a big hug, but could tell that they were visibly upset by it.

I felt a bit sad by the teacher’s use of the word “stealing” for such a young child and this was their first offense. What do you think?

Edit: Thank you everyone for your responses. I asked my child if this has ever happened before (to see if they had a pattern of “stealing”) and they said no, it was the first time they put something in their pocket from class and the first time the teacher has said anything. They said the two marbles were so pretty and they wanted to play with them for longer.

Edit 2: Thank you again! I feel much better about the situation. We have a pretty good relationship with this teacher (I thought?) and I do hope to keep a good relationship with her for the rest of the year. To answer some of the questions… I referred to my child as “they” because I didn’t really think gender mattered in this situation. For what it’s worth, the child is my daughter. She normally doesn’t wear pants/dresses with pockets to school but happened to be wearing this new denim “overalls dress” (no idea what it’s called) and was excited to put the two pretty marbles in her front pocket to play with later. Outside of school, she likes putting little trinkets in her jacket or sweatshirt pockets. I didn’t mention gender in the same way that I didn’t mention race, as I hoped it would not matter in this situation. I don’t want to read into it, but the teacher is white, as is most of the class. I’ll just say that we are not white.
 
@worshipguitar I am a nursery school teacher and never in a million years would I address this in this manner with a kid. For a four-year-old, I would probably remind them that there are "classroom things" and "home things," and these the former, so they have to stay at school. You say your child showed no intention of malice or duplicity, so I don't know why the teacher needed to go that far.
 
@jude500 Yes. I would probably talk about “sets of toys” and how we cant play the game anymore if parts are missing and that is why we put everything away together when we’re done.

It wouldn’t even occur to me to bring a parent into this conversation unless the behavior was persistent and even then it would be a “we put things away correctly when we’re done with them” conversation.
 
@jude500 I taught 4 year olds for ten years and I second what you said!

This is not unusual or malicious behavior!!! It’s a teaching moment that helps them learn for the future and where I worked, we NEVER accused a child of ‘stealing’ when they put things in their pockets or backpacks.

My biggest memory of a child who took LOTS of things home makes me laugh to this day. She was a twin from a very sweet, normal family and her sister was in our class too.

I always made lots of little books using fun shaped dye cuts for the covers for our writing center and the kids LOVED them. I also stocked the center with pretty paper for them to write on and stickers and all sorts of fun writing tools for them. It was a very appealing and popular place and we needed to restock often.

Then I had to restock more and more and more and more! We were scratching our heads wondering where the supplies were disappearing to. Come to find out, that sweet little girl was loading her backpack with them so she could use them at home!

Her mother brought it to our attention and we all had a big belly laugh about it. The mom taught her daughter that she could only bring the booklets and paper home if she had written on them so we would have some left for her to use in school with her friends. Her mom cranked up her writing supplies at home and that was that.

My point is that when children take things, they just need gentle guidance to teach them how we do things in school. It’s just one of the many reasons they go to preschool - to learn things that will make their transition to kindergarten smoother and also easier for their kindergarten teacher. Just basic things like getting in a line to go outside or the muscle room, sitting in your spot without rolling around during circle time, coming to the teacher’s table when she calls your name to do your craft/schoolwork, getting the hang of transitions, ect. It seems like nothing but if you’re involved in early childhood education, these skills are soooooo valuable.

I feel terrible that the teacher accused that little girl of stealing. She needs a refresher course in child development and how to correct children in an age appropriate way.
 
@jude500 For real! This teacher needs to get more training and change their approach to little ones. These are teachable moments not punishment and accusation moments! OP, I’d be fuming!
 
@worshipguitar Awww that was way too harsh. She could have used this as a great teachable moment, made the kiddo put the pieces back in the game “so all of our friends can enjoy playing it later!” - anything. I’m glad you gave him a hug. 🥹
 
@k33ser I also find it a bit hypocritical, when I worked in child care i came home with random things from the room in my pockets almost every day, all of my co workers did. I find it hard to believe she never accidentally takes stuff home herself.
 
@jcraig I literally went home with the cordless phone and/or walkie talkies in my pocket after closing because parent pickup time is hectic. More than once. Now I steal all the pens from work by accident. These things happens
 
@barbbarb Same!!! I had to go in the next day - on my damn day off (and a 20 minute bus ride in) to drop off the cordless phone. Got some lovely cuddles and compliments on my dress that I was wearing, but I was also (jokingly) grumbly to the parents I saw about "This is how busy it gets! I run out of here with the damn phone in my pocket, and now I have to go from here to (location) that will take 2 busses and a train, instead of from my house that will take just a train!". One parent was like "Oh, so you don't want to stay for breakfast?" as her kid has jam all over her hands reaching out for me... Not in that dress, nope.
 
@jcraig Years ago, I worked in retail but didn't often use the register. One day I randomly did and when the customer gave me the cash, I just automatically put it in my pocket! Hours later I found money in my pocket and then realised what I had done. Ooops!
 
@soulneedhealing Oh yeah, I'd been working there for years and was in a senior position. It was an awesome job with awesome people. We all had such a laugh about it re-watching me on the security video. Haha!
 
@worshipguitar I'm a kindergarten teacher and I think this was very overblown. Even if it was a chronic "problem" I would have probably emailed the parent first rather than a surprise and public chastisement. Sheesh. She's teaching four year olds. I hope she lightens up.
 
@worshipguitar My 4 year old just did this a couple months ago. He had a small toy from school in his pocket. I told him we can't put school things in our pockets and school toys can't come home. I told him he would take it back the next day and tell teacher sorry for taking it and that it was an accident. So we did that the next day. Teacher said thanks for bringing it back...end of story. I think the "never STEAL from my class again" is a bit extreme for this age group.
 
@whitedove1957 Wow you even waited a day. I made mine go back the same day. Made her known that mommy had to flip her schedule around for her to take back the pieces she took and that there is no way it will happen again and we now miss out on tv time as mommy has to do her chores still. So fun time is out of the scope of possibilities now.
 
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