Pre-K teacher says my 4 year old is stealing

[whitedove1957]

@happycoder WTF?? a baby gang?? what could they possibly have been doing to get this title?

 

[sxxxvictim]

@whitedove1957 Where do I start?

Tagging the playground with fingerpaint...running squishmallow gauntlets for new recruits... Bribing teachers to look the other way with cool little rocks they found...running a protection racket demanding a cut of everyone's animal crackers...these are some bad mother--

 

[mishi]

@happycoder Did you post about this here or maybe on the early childhood Reddit?

 

[happycoder]

@mishi Nope - wonder if someone else had the same experience.

 

[two4god07]

@worshipguitar It’s concerning that this teacher doesn’t seem to grasp what is developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. Also ridiculous that she wasn’t able to handle this with your child as a teacher should have. Children of this age “collect” little trinkets. Children of this age hold on to little treasures (marbles from a game) and collect them. It’s normal. I used to do a pocket check when picking up my children from kindergarten and if we found anything that belonged to the classroom, we would put it back. Other parents would do the same. No issue. The way this teacher handled your child holding on to marbles would really concern me. She shouldn’t be teaching kindergarten.

 

[homebrew]

@worshipguitar As a pre-k teacher myself: This teacher is either uneducated, doesn’t really care for/have the patience for children or both.

Obsession with small objects (including taking small objects) is a very normal part of child development. It’s not really “stealing” because there’s no ill intent behind it. Your child isn’t trying to keep things from others or hoard things, he’s just displaying an age appropriate behavior.

She could have just said “Oh hey, those marbles go in the game box. Let’s put those back where they belong. We can play with them again another day.”

That’s it. This is something I wouldn’t even bother mentioning to a parent for a first, second or even third offense lol, bc it’s not concerning at all and it’s something I can manage just fine. If it was becoming a habit and things were actually making it out the door I might bring it up. But only in a “I think some of our classroom things may have gone home with you. Can you bring them back where they belong?” way or through a nice talk with the parent.

I’d never shame or stand over a child for age appropriate behavior. That’s just ridiculous. If it was my child I would be talking to the teacher/admin and explaining that this is age appropriate behavior and I don’t want my child spoken to that way.

 

[zencorgi]

@homebrew Such a solid, exactly right answer. I hope OP sees this and does as you suggest.

 

[akumar983]

@worshipguitar I vividly remember seeing a display of lipstick in a mall corridor when I was 4. I remember picking a pretty red one up and holding it. I forgot I was holding it. My mom went shopping, checked out a while later, and we walked out of the mall. She noticed I had the lipstick in my hand and freaked out at me about stealing. The thing is, I didn't mean to steal it. I was allowed to pick things up and carry them it home, outside, usually in a store. I didn't know my mom had to know about it in a store. I didn't know the rules for when people would think you were trying to take their things and be mad. She did not talked calmly and explain things to me. I have anxiety about being wrongly accused and accidentally stealing something even 36 years later. How you talked to your son was very important and you seem to have done it right. When we are little, we don't know all the rules yet. Most little kids won't 'steal' on purpose. The teacher approached this very badly.

 

[mich1512]

@akumar983 I’ve also experienced this. My mom didn’t believe that it was accidental, spanked me and then made me stand at the front of the store and apologize.

I was already a very antisocial kid dealing with anxiety disorder and depression and this absolutely did not help. I didn’t come out of my room the entire weekend and didn’t wanna talk to anyone either

 

[petmom]

@worshipguitar That’s developmentally appropriate for kids that age. Between like 1-5 kids like small things. They love to take things because they are just fascinated. It’s not the same as stealing in that they have intent to take something that isn’t theirs.

 

[robertza]

@worshipguitar I think the teacher is too harsh and would worry about leaving my kid in her care. Was she trying to shame and humiliate a four year old?

 

[worshipguitar]

@robertza Maybe so. I agree it was harsh.

 

[zyzzyva]

@worshipguitar Not only that. Why didn't she count the marbles after they were done playing ? They're tiny enough to cause choking. So she didn't try to find them immediately? What your child did is developmentally appropriate. What she did is not.

 

[debrah3]

@worshipguitar I have a 4.5 year old and a 6 year old and holy moly, this is way overreacting. Someone who is supposed to be a professional at dealing with kids should know better. This happens all the time with this age and they grow out of it/learn not to do it.

 

[queeohnson]

@worshipguitar As a former preschool teacher and parent of young children, this teacher went too far.

 

[faithwarrior1970]

@worshipguitar The teacher is uneducated and inexperienced with children. This is exactly what 4 yrs old do and I fucking miss this in my kids now they have grown up.

 

[beckysu]

@worshipguitar I really hate when people add ill intent behind actions that are rather innocent. My child is a gatherer as well. He loves collecting things. My mind does not go to stealing it goes to “I’m so glad you thought XYZ thing was cool but it’s not ours so we need to leave it where we found it.” Or something along those lines. We also discuss items having a home like people have homes (IE school toys vs our house toys). This is wild and I’m sorry to you and your child. Sounds like you handled it the best you could considering the situation.

 

[ploughboy]

@worshipguitar When my daughter was 3 we found something in her bag that belonged to the day care centre. I wrote a very apologetic email and they replied saying no biggie little girls tend to do this a lot

 

[shalalalalala36]

@worshipguitar When my daughter was in 5, she loooved shiny things. In the first few weeks of kindergarten, she would take buttons, sequins, plastic gems, etc. and put them in her backpack.

Her teacher (also my coworker) emailed me to let me know. We laughed about her being a magpie and I talked to my daughter about taking items from the classroom. She knew it was wrong and never did it again.

Easy peasy. No malice, no shame. She let me know, we fixed it together.

 

[halwhitlock]

@worshipguitar We went through similar. My son loves to "collect" and he would come home from school with random knick knacks. We told him those things belong to the school and you can't be bringing those things home. Those are "police rules" and we can't do that.

We also bagged up all the random stuff and helped him bring them back to his teacher.

It stopped and no shaming was done. The teacher was too harsh.