Please convince me to cosleep

[psalm51flower]

UPDATE: I bought an Owlet and a box fan (our bedroom doesn’t have a ceiling fan) and we coslept last night. Y’ALL…. I’m NEVER going back. Last night was the best night of my life. Just getting to kiss my baby’s little ravioli hands throughout the night, staring at her chubby face as she slept. She actually ate LESS. I think she would want to nurse throughout the night previously for that comfort and closeness, which of course I was happy to provide, but since she was already near me, she only nursed twice for about 5 minutes each. My supply definitely needs to regulate because my boobs hurt this morning and we had no trouble with the Owlet at all! I love it! It really helped me relax about her breathing enough that I could actually sleep! Thank you all so much for your advice and your kindness. I agree, something feels so right and so natural about cosleeping. I bet in a decade or two, some profound research will come out that it’s actually better for babies and the recommendation will be to do it! Just like how they used to recommend formula feeding, and now the recommendation is completely different! Yall are the best and you probably just saved my life/my baby’s life so THANK YOU

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My baby is 4 months old. Born full term, EBF since birth, 99th percentile for weight and length, vaccinated, great head and neck control, and learning to roll. She’s the epitome of a healthy baby. She was previously a great sleeper, sleeping 4-6 hour stretches in the pack n play in our room with 1-2 night feedings. Now, she wakes up every 30 minutes. She doesn’t want to eat or be held. She wants to be on our bed. The second I place her on the bed so that I can get into a comfortable position to nurse her, she falls asleep. If I try to nurse her, she cries. She just wants to be in our bed.

I don’t smoke, drink, or take any medications. I’d follow the safe sleep 7 to a T - firm mattress on the floor in the center of the room with nothing but a fitted sheet, no blankets or pillows, baby lightly dressed and on her back, C curl, etc. I’ve even considered getting an Owlet. But I am still terrified!! It’s so ingrained in me that bed sharing increases the risk of SIDS. But the relative risk, right? I mean, the absolute risk is still likely very low? And 72% of SIDS deaths occur before 4 months old. I’ve also heard that cosleeping makes them feed more at night, which hasn’t been an issue even with these more frequent wakings. I don’t want to go back to feeding every 2-3 hours when I know she doesn’t need that anymore.

Idk I just need someone to help me weigh the pros and cons. I work full time, M-F 8-4. I am not functioning at this point. I have an incredibly supportive partner who is also at his breaking point. We just don’t know what to do….

 

[christian142]

@psalm51flower It sounds like you already know the answer. I always said I would never cosleep but I started at 6 weeks and haven’t really looked back. There were a few weeks I managed to get my baby to sleep in the sidecar bassinet but his next major growth spurt threw a wrench in that. Now he just looks at me like “you’re funny mama” and when I put him in his bassinet. One thing that helps me feel better about it is keeping my ceiling fan on because I read it decreases chances of SIDS by 75%. He does feed throughout the night but if he gets more during the day he feeds less at night.

 

[cathymalon]

@christian142 Ceiling fan? Really? That makes me feel so much better! I’ve been going back and forth on whether I could/should turn it on. We live in a humid climate so it’s been nearing torture but my ped said to keep the house above 70° and I just thought the air from the fan would drop it below that.

Do you usually dress them in full zipper onesies or bodysuits to sleep? I was just thinking I should start putting my 5wk old into bodysuits for bed since it’s getting warmer.

 

[psalm51flower]

@cathymalon My understanding is that cooler temps (68-72 F) are actually a lower risk of SIDS. And fans help recirculate air to avoid CO2 build up! I typically dress her in a light bamboo onesie and a sleepsack 1.0-1.5 TOG but it’s still cold at night where I live (30s-40s F). Once the summer comes I’d probably do a shortsleeve onesie and 0.5 TOG sleepsack

 

[arolo]

@christian142 This happened with my son. Every time I would put him in the bassinet he would wiggle around as much as a 4 week old can. Then start fussing till I was closer to him.

Cosleeping is something I never thought I would do. Now that we've been doing it, I cannot imagine doing it the other way. I think my kid sleeps better and it helps me sleep better too.

 

[gdub81]

@christian142 This is great. I sleep with the ceiling fan on everyday lol

 

[danilog]

@psalm51flower I was already convinced you should, then I read that you’re working. Absolutely 100%. It’s a risk assessment at this point and I personally found it more dangerous to be sleep deprived.

 

[niteshayde]

@psalm51flower Hey, if you need an evidence-based support, here’s an article from UC-Berkeley on the research of benefits of co-sleeping. Apparently they become better adjusted later in life! The article also gives you a little history on why North America is obsessed with not cosleeping (note drunk smoking stoned parents) https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_cosleeping_can_help_you_and_your_baby On a side note, my 3 month old was hospitalized for 7 days and i coslept with him the whole time. The nurses gave us a special bed so we could sleep together. They even said new literature shows that cosleeping encourages bonding.

Personally both my baby and i sleep better co-sleeping.

 

[psalm51flower]

@niteshayde Thank you I will definitely give this a read! I would imagine that your baby was on pulse ox and regularly checked overnight by the nurse when hospitalized though, right? I’m actually a pediatric RN and always offered the family a full sized bed instead of a crib so mom could cuddle and soothe baby all night, but the baby was on continuous monitoring when I did this so I knew instantly if the baby was in distress. I obviously don’t have those capabilities at home unless I buy and owlet, which is also imperfect.

 

[niteshayde]

@psalm51flower RN mom here, too! Yes he was checked every one to two hours overnight because he had an iv drip the whole time. I am also terrified of suffocating my baby during sleep but knowing myself (a very very light sleeper), and risk of SIDS or suffocation is at around 1/1000, that is roughly the same as bearing a child with Down syndrome. The risks is there but not high enough to be on edge at all times, so i gave it a go and i am a happier parent because i have better sleep!

 

[brownrichard]

@niteshayde Thank you for sharing this article. We have been co-sleeping for over a year and I still struggle with feeling guilty. This just made me feel a million times better about our decision to co-sleep

 

[oilumiun12]

@psalm51flower You should cosleep It sounds like it will be very safe. Caring for a baby while sleep deprived can be unsafe. Your baby might eat more, but you'll still get more sleep, and breastfeeding is comforting in so many ways to babies, I say do it as much as you can. I think my baby did eat more often at first but now he's sleeping longer stretches.

 

[chughes512]

@psalm51flower Do it! my experience: my 11mo eats more in the night than she probably “needs” but it’s just rolling over half asleep and latching on and we both go right back to sleep. We get way more sleep this way for sure! if you follow the safe sleep guidelines and everything you’ll be okay!! get some sleep!

 

[moonknight]

@psalm51flower If it is working for you, do it. It sounds like you are following all safety guidelines and it’s helping baby sleep better. She wants your comfort and warmth. I’ll be honest at 4 months I didn’t cosleep. At 4 months, my son went through a 6 week period of horrible reflux/congestion and could only sleep if he was completely upright, so we took shifts holding him. When he could sleep laying down I immediately sleep trained him in his crib because I was TERRIFIED of SIDS. I wanted to do everything “right” and have an “independent sleeper”. I had an owlet as well but I didn’t find it worth it. Somehow always managed to slip off.

It all worked until a few months ago when he just decided he absolutely needed us to sleep. Now at 21 months we sleep on a floor bed together and he still nurses but maybe only once at night.

I say all this to say - don’t over stress about it and take it one day at a time. Do what works for you. Baby will go through all sorts of phases too and it will be less terrifying as she grows. If I have a second baby, I will cosleep from day 1.

 

[konakona]

@psalm51flower I was like you and had pretty severe anxiety about SIDS that I felt too ashamed to really talk about it much because I knew I was going to end up co-sleeping and I didn't want to hear anyone judge me or try to talk me out of it because the lack of sleep would have literally killed me.

It seemed like everywhere I looked online there was another person lecturing about this or that and saying co-sleeping was never an option and judging those that openly choose to do so.

But it is an option and it works and there are so many moms that can attest to it being perfectly safe, especially when the only other option is severe sleep deprivation.

Don't let this be something you struggle over. Let it be no brainer, you need sleep, your child needs sleep and she's made it perfectly clear she feels safest sleeping with you. You are going above and beyond in considering her safety and following all the guidelines.

It took my almost a year of feeling ashamed and afraid that I decided to start co-sleeping at 4 months with my son and it was just so much wasted energy on fighting negative thoughts when in the end he was perfectly fine if not happier and more well rested. We all were. Don't feel guilty for choosing to do what works best for you and getting sleep. Enjoy it.

 

[amak]

@psalm51flower I ended up getting the owlet too because it made me feel more secure in co sleeping, it really is a helpful device. I find it alerts you super quick if their levels start to fluctuate. Even when my son would have like a coughing fit when he was sick it would alert me within maybe 15 seconds that he needed assistance. I slept more peacefully knowing it would wake me if something ever DID happen.

 

[pouringvocals]

@psalm51flower My baby is 12 weeks on Saturday. We have essentially been cosleeping since the second night in the hospital (baby slept on my chest while husband monitored and vice versa). When we got home I swore we would not cosleep and half way through our first night home I could not stand not having him with me. There was such a pull to have him beside me that I can only believe it’s exactly where he was supposed to be. I don’t understand how we are the only species on the planet whose babies need to be separated from us while we sleep. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

My husband and I read every possible resource on cosleeping and on not cosleeping and came to the decision it was the right thing to do for us. It’s been amazing and it just feels right. Also, my OB and my PED both admitted to cosleeping with all of their kids soooooo yeah it eventually was a no brainer. Follow the safe sleep 7 and enjoy your baby cuddles .

 

[pouringvocals]

Here is a link to the best article I’ve read to ease my mind and solidify my decision. McKenna has great unbiased research in this department I highly recommend reading his work as well

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsa...ng-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say

 

[jonhansen]

@psalm51flower There was an article in a journal called Pediatrics a bit ago that was accessible but now seems to be behind a paywall. Basically some researches went through a ton of SIDS and SUIDS cases and found in the cases where there was "surface sharing" (bed, couch, etc.) there were often MULTIPLE unsafe practices occurring such as intoxicated parent, other kids/pets in the bed, heavy bedding, etc.

SIDS and SUIDS is already rare. Now consider that everyone doing this unsafely is lumped in with the number of deaths every year. If you are following SS7 and your baby is over four months and healthy, that risk percentage is extremely, extremely low for you.

Finally, consider these two things: 1. If you were almost anywhere else in the world, this practice would be encouraged, not shamed. These babies are no different than ours. It is our society that makes us feel guilty. 2. Car accidents are much more common than SIDS/SUIDS and we drive our babies around with much less anxiety. This isn't to make you feel anxious about car crashes, but rather to put into perspective that our anxiety of SIDS is not rooted in actual risk but rather a stigma.

Here is the abstract for the article:

Characteristics of Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths on Shared and Nonshared Sleep Surfaces

OBJECTIVES

Describe characteristics of sudden unexpected infant deaths (SUID) occurring on shared or nonshared sleep surfaces.

METHODS

We examined SUID among residents of 23 US jurisdictions who died during 2011 to 2020. We calculated frequencies and percentages of demographic, sleep environment, and other characteristics by sleep surface sharing status and reported differences of at least 5% between surface sharing and nonsharing infants.

RESULTS

Of 7595 SUID cases, 59.5% were sleep surface sharing when they died. Compared with nonsharing infants, sharing infants were more often aged 0 to 3 months, non-Hispanic Black, publicly insured, found supine, found in an adult bed or chair/couch, had a higher number of unsafe sleep factors present, were exposed to maternal cigarette smoking prenatally, were supervised by a parent at the time of death, or had a supervisor who was impaired by drugs or alcohol at the time of death. At least 76% of all SUID had multiple unsafe sleep factors present. Among surface-sharing SUID, most were sharing with adults only (68.2%), in an adult bed (75.9%), and with 1 other person (51.6%). Surface sharing was more common among multiples than singletons.

CONCLUSIONS

Among SUID, surface sharing and nonsharing infants varied by age at death, race and ethnicity, insurance type, presence of unsafe sleep factors, prenatal smoke exposure, and supervisor impairment. Most SUID, regardless of sleep location, had multiple unsafe sleep factors present, demonstrating the need for comprehensive safe sleep counseling for every family at every encounter.

 

[eleventhhourworker6]

@psalm51flower You did your research and I think you can safety do it. I started at 5mo and never looked back. If you’re feeling overly sleep deprived it will help. If you do feed in the night, side nurse and sleep while baby eats. Your baby may start eating more at night, but you could try sleeping with a long sleeve turtle neck lol. Whenever I had no skin showing, my son ate less. All that boy needed to be hungry was to feel my skin haha. During the winters I would freeze without a blanket, so I bought a cheap tight sweatshirt and cut out a hole for my boobs so he could night feed. It was pretty hilarious looking.