OAD decision timeline

[beautiful_letdown]

@renette My daughter was two when we decided and did the vasectomy. She's almost five now and restarting now would SUCK. She's potty trained, sleeps thru the night. We're besties. I can't imagine adding another this late in the game.

 

[renette]

@beautiful_letdown Yeah I see why people who want multiple kids do them closer together in that sense. I’m looking forward to that age! The sleep does sound heavenly to me with a newborn currently lol

 

[beautiful_letdown]

@renette She MOSTLY sleeps thru the night. We get the occasional nightmare or illness or whatever that messes us up. But I do recall the newborn lack of sleep and just know that it does get better.

 

[mila]

@renette Ours has moved time and time again. But currently our only is 3.5 and if I am not pregnant by September (meaning I would be just shy of 40 when due) then we are 110% done. I personally don’t want kids after 40.

 

[renette]

@mila I’m with you I don’t want any kids after 40. My pregnancy was tough on my 34 year old body tbh

 

[mila]

@renette I delivered my son a few weeks shy of 35 and pregnancy was totally fine on my body, but after - no one tells you the physical tole of being a mom. I don’t think my lower back will ever fully recover from carrying a kid.

 

[renette]

@mila Seriously I feel like I’ve aged by like 10 years lol

 

[little1]

@renette We tabled the discussion for the first year. Too much turmoil to really think on it properly, and it was recommended I wait at least a year to heal anyway (c-section).

 

[renette]

@little1 Good point on the healing - I guess I want my husband up and moving and our baby older before I’m in a space where he is healing from a procedure

 

[rkvance5]

@renette Personally for us we are strongly OAD at the moment but we have decided for my husband to wait before he gets a vasectomy incase we decide to have another child (which will be extremely unlikely). We said we would discuss how we feel once our 10 month old is over 2yrs old-closer to 3 before we make a final decision. But I genuinely believe we will remain OAD as we both feel so complete with our baby boy as he is our whole world and the sunshine in our lives and in all honesty I’m terrified of going through the newborn stage again and PPA/D, it took some intense therapy to overcome and it was a very dark and scary time for me.

 

[renette]

@rkvance5 I think I’m with you on this - I think I’ll get an IUD just so we have the wiggle room to see what the future brings while still very much not thinking we’ll change our stance - but perhaps this route just allows us the best of both worlds where we ensure we don’t get pregnant but have the control to continue the conversation should life bring us down an unexpected path. Still doubt we’ll have a second tho.

 

[dpfocanil]

@renette I knew I was OAD as soon as I got pregnant lol. I had my daughter at 33, hated being pregnant, financially we can’t afford a second until this kid is out of all extra daycare….

I talked about birth control with my OB at my 20ish week appointment because 1) I didn’t want more kids and 2) I have PMDD and going off hormonal contraception to get pregnant was TERRIBLE and I didn’t want to feel that way again.

My husband’s vasectomy plan was a longer process. He finally had one scheduled but then I swapped jobs and he went on my insurance which was WAY cheaper. He’s waiting for a new urologist apt now, year later. So, that’s on the slower track.

 

[renette]

@dpfocanil Same boat - im 34 and we can’t afford daycare for two kids so would have to wait til I’m nearing 40 to have a second and my pregnancy was so tough that I can’t imagine it would be any easier the older I get. I think my goal right now is to soak in my sweet baby and really just ensure I don’t take any thing for granted with her and embrace the wonderful benefits that OAD offers us.

 

[melissauk]

@renette We didn’t really have a timeline until recently. DH wants us to decide by the time LO is 4. Personally, I don’t think I’ll change my mind (he is the one wavering on OAD) but I told him I would keep an open mind.

 

[renette]

@melissauk That seems fair - my husband seems very content with 1, I think I just have to sit with it for a bit but also really don’t see myself ever wanting to be pregnant again . I’m also one who takes a while to make a decision on things so birth control for me will allow that.

 

[zumbamom]

@renette We said we’d start seriously talking about it (whether we were done or wanted more) when our LO turned 2. We ended up starting the conversation a bit before then and then my partner got a vasectomy a few months later.

 

[gcrambo]

@renette Never set a timeline, but after 5 years and no desire for another we figured we are OAD. During a conversation with my husband I let him know that if I accidentally got pregnant, I wouldn’t entertain the idea of carrying. I told him I would immediately terminate. He let me know he wouldn’t want to put us in that situation and got a vasectomy!
We sometimes wonder if we’ll change our mind 5-10 years from now, but we figure we’ll cross that bridge if we ever get there.