Factors that contributed to your OAD decision

[discombobulated1]

@calebminson Yeeeeeep. Same here.

 

[clndr_]

@walid373 I always wanted two children before having any. My husband was always content with the idea of one child. After having her, I’m firmly OAD. She’s like a lottery baby/kid and who wins twice? She sleeps well, eats well, is generally a sweet child. We thought we’d entertain another as she got closer to going to elementary school because we can’t afford to have 2 children in daycare but now that she’s 3.5 we can’t imagine starting over. We feel content with our life and are excited about it being just us three.

 

[lacey65]

@walid373 We're in our 30s. I have cancer, but my treatment is almost over! We have an autistic toddler, and she is a handful. I don't know if I could survive another autistic child or a bad pregnancy. (HG)

 

[ken405]

@lacey65 That's a lot on your plate. It's great that your treatment is almost done. Hope your day is going well and you have chances to be well rested.

 

[nikkii909]

@walid373

• Fertility treatments, multiple rounds of IVF, a miscarriage, and our daughter was our last/only embryo
• Age: We were both 37 when we had her, and frankly it’s exhausting and personally wouldn’t want to do it again at 40 (again, personal preference)
• Cost: Daycare is really expensive and I don’t want to feel like I’m living paycheck to paycheck at my age
• Flexibility: Like your husband says, it’s easier to travel and do things with only one child
• Illness: Constant sickness in our house from daycare germs. My best friend has two little ones and she barely works because one is always home sick.

 

[ken405]

@walid373 I want to be able to sleep in again.

 

[niclas0108]

@walid373 Several big factors: my husband travels extensively for work and I don’t want to be single parenting multiple kids for weeks on end, more flexibility, easier to travel, a quieter home environment, more money, less chaos, and and easier time maintaining a sense of identity outside of motherhood.

Most importantly, neither of us has felt any desire for a second since our daughter was born 2 years ago. Maybe we’ll change our minds as she gets older, but until we have the same level of desire for a second that we had for our first, we’re sticking with our family of three.

 

[floweramor]

@walid373 The things that went into our decision were mostly money, time, and fulfillment. We just felt our family was done. Also money.

 

[gerrydodge]

@floweramor Yup money and money are big reasons for us.

 

[sandor_clegane]

@walid373 I’m a fence sitter but the biggest reason that I haven’t gone full speed ahead for baby #2 is money. Followed closely by the desire to hold on to the shreds of sanity I have left.

 

[houstonreborn]

@walid373 I don’t really have an answer - just want to comment and say that I can relate to you. My daughter is an IVF baby and we have one boy embryo in storage. My husband and I are about 98% sure we are one and done for a multitude of reasons, but we continue to pay storage fees on our remaining embryo on the 2% we might not be. I also feel content with my family of 3, but it’s oddly harder to solidify my choice because I know the gender. That might sound shallow, but I say that because that embryo has a name we would have used for a son and it’s hard not to (for a lack of better words) humanize the embryo and fantasize about my life with a son. Even while typing this, I wanted to call the embryo “him” although there is no guarantee “he” would ever be born into existence. We will likely put our embryo up for adoption, but it’s an odd dilemma that few people can relate to.

Edited to add that I don’t have gender disappointment with my daughter, she’s perfect as my only lady for me, knowing the gender of a possible future child (girl or boy) adds a level of fantasy to what it would be like to raise that son/daughter regardless if it’s something that I truly want or not.

 

[benjammin13]

@houstonreborn We are also still paying for storage. We've agreed to hold on to them until I'm 42.

 

[jdegreef]

@houstonreborn I totally understand. I didn't find it the genders of my embryos for this exact reason. Also unsure but still paying a lot in fees to store just in case.

 

[katrina2017]

@walid373 Well, I despised being pregnant, and then I had severe PPD that might have actually qualified as psychosis, and it took me about seven months after giving birth to feel myself again. I did not enjoy having an infant. I am old. Children cost money and my husband would have to work more in order for us to have another child. I value my free time. I value my career and don't want to sacrifice any more of it. We now have a child with special needs so the odds of having another child with special needs is fairly high, and we're not even sure how it's going to shake out financially with all the services my son currently needs. A lot of reasons, there.

I would have liked another in a different life, I guess. If a number of circumstances were different. If I were younger. But this is where we landed. And it's absolute heaven. I treasure my son more than I can put in words. I'm just honored to be his Mom. So I'm not lacking a single thing.

 

[lenorea]

@walid373 All the complications mothers have to go through after giving birth.

Seriously, I probably visited the doctor 2-3 times in my lifetime before being pregnant. Now postpartum I've had so many complications and health issues it's not even funny.

I love my daughter she's one years old and the most precious thing I have in my life. She's so well behaved and never gave me issues since birth. But can't do it again.

 

[nicaea_1q]

@lenorea May I ask what kind of health issues you’re facing post pregnancy?

 

[lenorea]

@nicaea_1q Yes!
PFD(PGAD, Pudental Neuralgia, IC, Pelvic/hip pain)
One annoying varicose vein that has some reflux (backflow of blood)

Hormonal imbalance(hair loss, acne, etc)

Gallbladder issues( had surgery today to take it out) Surgeon says he's seen so many postpartum women with gallbladder issues.

All of these events happened after giving birth to my daughter.

Not everyone have the same experience. Pregnancy and PP can be beautiful experience for many.
It just wasn't for me.

 

[miguelli1989]

@walid373 We knew we were solid in our decision the day I had our daughter. I had my tubes removed right after my c-section and I just knew from the very beginning that I never ever wanted to be pregnant again.

 

[katrina2017]

@walid373 Maybe my opinion is fear-based, but here it is: I’m 33 and have a 2.5 year old son. He is so smart and I love giving him all my attention and resources. We weren’t trying when we had him, but at my 6week postpartum doc visit I immediately got an IUD and I’m so glad I did! I only have the bandwidth for 1 child, because I want to do parenting right! One child is so much work, and I want to be able to do things I enjoy like camping and exercising. Now that he’s 2.5 years old I’m able to exercise again and it’s amazing. I don’t want to go back to square one. My main point - I do not want a child with any disabilities - that would be my worst fear! Although very unlikely - it does happen. That would ruin our happy lives. I’ve read parents stories in the @regretfulparents redit who are having miserable times parenting because of disabilities.

 

[boredguy8]

@walid373 A child deserves to be wanted by both parents. The decision should be about the well-being of the possible future child and not your own desires. Consider whether it will receive all the love and affection it needs if your hubby is not in it 100%?