I need a safe place to vent regarding the decision to be OAD and my Dr not supporting me fully

[writergirlrs]

@vash07 Your body, your choice. Period. End of story.

 

[eugen]

@vash07 I hate being pregnant so much. I knew I was OAD. My partner was on board and supportive. I talked to an OB about permanent options and she proceeded to project herself on me.

“Oh but you’ve had an easy pregnancy”

“You might change your mind. I thought I was done after two but decided I wanted another years later”

Yeah okay. If you knew you were done after two, you would’ve done everything in your power to prevent a third to begin with.

I’m so sorry. I get it. Check out the childfree link. I hope you find a doctor who listens

 

[frknfly]

@vash07 The nerve some people have to act like they know you better than you know yourself. I’m so sorry you haven’t gotten more support. I really appreciate your perspective of being a postpartum nurse. My postpartum nurses took such good care of me, I am so grateful for the work you guys do. I am 34 and have zero desire or plans for another baby as well. I’m still processing a very traumatic birth that most people like to downplay.

 

[vash07]

@frknfly It's an honor to be part of the journey. Postpartum period felt so vulnerable to me and I keep the perspective with all my patients.

Sorry you dealt with trauma too. I wish pregnancy and child birth wasn't so dangerous and miserable.

 

[123wc]

@vash07 My obGyn straight up told me to better look for a vasectomy for my partner, as they're easier to get and cost only a third of the money. She was right. He got an appointment at the first place he called, only question asked was when he'd be free to do it.

 

[revdstephen]

@vash07 Most obgyns just push for a baby. I don’t know maybe they make more money out of it? I actually decided to only visit once a year and that too a very quick visit just for Pap smear that’s all.

 

[katrina2017]

@revdstephen What do you mean you “decided” to visit only once a year? If you’re not pregnant, or have other health issues, why would you go more frequently?

 

[revdstephen]

@katrina2017 I had some other issue but every time it was the same lecture about having kids. I literally felt like I was talking to my mil. She was so rude at one that when I told her no she just rudely did my pap smear and left. I never went to her again.

 

[katrina2017]

@revdstephen Ah, got it. I was seriously wondering if there was some women’s health care thing I was unaware of and “only” going annually was missing something lol

 

[revdstephen]

@katrina2017 No I had a polyp as well but I went to a diff obgyn for the removal

 

[phydaux]

@vash07 Honestly it depends on the doctor. Some of them just miss the empathy gene.

My GP and psychologist both fully supported my decision to be OAD. My GP from a medical perspective, and psychologist on my mental health. As my GP put it “I would have recommended you really reconsider having another. I’m glad you both agree to be OAD.”

Then I found out my pregnancy and postpartum experience basically mirrored my GP so she fully understood what I was going through. She too is OAD.

 

[ambassadorforchrist]

@vash07 Oh god ya I had to have those questions too when I did a consult. Mine was “what if you get remarried to someone else” as my husband is right there lol. It’s insane because at my husbands vasectomy they didn’t ask him any of that!

 

[coachdarrell8]

@vash07 Get another doctor... your body....your choice

 

[debrowling]

@vash07 Blame medical malpractice insurance. Just heard a story about this topic on the radio.

 

[katrina2017]

@vash07 I’m so sorry you had this experience - it is all too common

Good for you for going to therapy and working through this very difficult decision/grief. It’s something I have not done and I know I should/need to. I have similar reasons to you for being OAD and it makes me feel like a shell of a person that people pressuring me to have another don’t seem to have a single concern about ME, the living human standing in front of them.

I have had TWO female doctors (I only have female doctors, I assume male doctors would be the same) treat me this way every.single.time I see them. Make a note in my chart, damn - no more kids. But the kicker is they have BOTH admitted in conversation to having another because their husband wanted them to and they were “getting it over with” … so I try to have compassion for them because even though they are doctors, they are still human women dealing with the exact same external pressures as me. It’s sad for everyone. Doesn’t make it ok.

 

[skittblue]

@vash07 Gosh I can’t answer your question but I sympathize. I noticed with your profession you would be amazing for a AMA on this thread or a parenting one.

 

[katrina2017]

@vash07 It’s so frustrating how many doctors think they have a say.

 

[katrina2017]

@vash07 Unfortunately, doctors are required to give these warnings before major procedures because there are patients who will try to sue doctors for surgeries they regret. For example, some trans patients have filed lawsuits against their surgeon for sex operations they underwent, even though they chose to have the surgery — all because they believe they were not given proper warnings and now regret their decision. It’s annoying having to deal with obstacles, but healthcare workers need to follow due process to protect themselves and their clients.