Next level rudeness

stevenglo

New member
My six year old and I did a girl’s day the other day. She got her hair cut, we went for coffee, and then we had manicures. It was kind of a big deal - I don’t get my nails done and it was my first time in over 10 years, and was my girly’s first time ever. I was really excited - it’s something I’ve been looking forward to doing for quite awhile. We were having a great time when we first got to the nail place. My kiddo loved picking her color and she was so cute being a “big girl”. About a minute in, the technician working with my daughter started asking her questions. “How old are you?”, “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”, standard stuff. Then she started to cross the line. “Oh, you don’t? You must be so lonely! Aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want a baby brother or sister? You need to ask your mama and daddy for a baby so you aren’t lonely. Mama, are you going to have another baby so your little girl isn’t so lonely anymore?” My daughter looked sad and uncomfortable, and I firmly said, “No, we are not having any more children. We hit the jackpot the first time around!” Usually that’s enough to shut people up, but not this lady. “Why don’t you want another baby? Do you want your daughter to be lonely?” At this point I was getting pretty upset. I don’t know this woman. She doesn’t know my daughter. This is none of her business. But she just plowed right on. “Come on, Mama, you need to have another baby! Why wouldn’t you want another beautiful baby??”

So now I’m pissed. My daughter was on the verge of tears and I was trying to hold my tongue, but finally snapped, “We are not having any more children” thinking that she’d drop it. Nope. “Why not, though?!” Ok, hit my limit. “Because we physically cannot have more children, ok? Can we drop it now?” She looked super uncomfortable, which made me happy. She doesn’t need to know that we physically can’t have more children because my husband got a vasectomy. Normally I just explain that we only want one child, but this b*tch was making me and my daughter so uncomfortable that I wanted to turn it around on her. She made what was supposed to be a special experience awkward and disappointing.

Anyways, I just needed to vent. I know I could have handled it better, but it really caught me off guard.
 
@stevenglo I think you handled it great honestly. She was being super pushy and she doesn't need to know the reason you aren't having more.

I'm sorry she made your daughter cry, hopefully she feels awful about that. People need to mind their own business.
 
@stevenglo Jesus Christ! Why are strangers so incredibly intrusive and rude about such sensitive topics? I’m so sorry your awesome girls day had to be interrupted by such rudeness. Definitely next level. Hope it never happens to you again.
 
@frknfly Sometimes people take you not making the same choices they did or doing what they would want to do as a personal affront (it seems) - as if it's some how a critique of their own choices or situation . I suspect largely because some individuals are not able to conceptualize what a blip (If that) they are on the overall day to day of the rest of the world.
 
@stevenglo I am still coming to terms with being OAD(not by choice here) and if someone pushes me like this I’ll probably just start sobbing LOUD in front of my 4yo. It is still such a painful topic. I’m sorry ❤️
 
@necronomic While I’m OAD by choice, my heart goes out to people like you who are not, particularly in scenarios like this. I can’t imagine how much more hurtful it could be in your situation, and I think it is absolutely inappropriate to question someone’s reproductive choices for that exact reason. You never know someone’s experience; whether they’ve chosen to only have one child, or if they’ve experienced trauma/loss/fertility struggles that would make the line of questioning painful.

Before we had our daughter, I desperately wanted a child for years. We struggled to get pregnant, and during that time it crushed me every time someone asked when we were going to start our family. I’m a private person and wasn’t comfortable sharing that we were trying, and frankly no one should feel forced to explain something so personal.

I am so deeply sorry that you’re struggling to come to terms with being OAD. If you’d like, feel free to pm me and I would be happy to tell you all the reasons we love being OAD - there are a LOT! I don’t say that to in any way diminish your experience, just offering in case it would be helpful in any way.

One piece of obnoxious unsolicited advice: it might be helpful to have a canned response to the “when are you having another” question, because it will likely happen at some point. I get asked by everyyyyyyone, and the response, “We are just having one. We hit the jackpot on the first try, and you don’t mess with perfection!” usually ends the conversation pretty quickly without going in an awkward direction. The first few times people asked, it took me off guard and I stumbled verbally and emotionally. Having a go-to phrase has been helpful. Sending you hopes for comfort and acceptance. ❤️
 
@noodle7 I usually tell them that I half piss myself in the morning and my pelvic floor is too damaged. That's if they don't drop the subject after the first round.
 
@stevenglo What an absolute nut job.

I had a nail tech ask me why my sister and I were different colors… as in skin color. I was like uh..? What? Genetics? Idk.
 
@stevenglo Sounds like it’s time for a good honest Google review then. “Owner was pushy and rude, refused to stop asking intrusive personal questions during our appointment”. Sorry you had that happen to you, OP, some people just cannot keep their mouths shut about others choices.
 
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