My kid wakes up every day at 4am and I’m drowning

[mickaela]

Okay so, my 18 month old has always been an early riser. She goes to sleep wonderfully, mostly good sleeper through the night, but for long stretches of her life she has woken up between 4-5. Recently, she was sleeping until 6-7, but then the last 3 weeks she started waking up squarely at 4am, and we are losing our minds. She wants to eat and then go back to bed. This week, we’ve kept her up to try and tire her out more and so she doesn’t think she’s on a two nap schedule but nothing has changed.

She consistently goes to bed between 6:15-7, but she’s mostly asleep at 6:30. She has one 90 minute to 2 hour nap per day. We’ve tried pushing bedtime back, eating more, eating less, integrating more playground time, changing the light and sound volume - honestly none of it seems to matter. She also doesn’t seem to be currently teething. We’ve tried cry it out in the morning but she is UP, like she’s seemingly not going back to bed and now she’s telling us she is hungry so of course we feed her. The thing is, she eats so much food at night I just can’t imagine she is truly hungry.

I will take anything; solidarity, advice, what worked for you. I will even take advice that has nothing to do with sleep. Like did you call in night help once a week? Did you split the load a certain way? (My husband and I are 50/50 on mornings and it works but we’re both so tired)

 

[wc0476]

@mickaela My kid was an early riser for most of her life and has just started regularly sleeping past 6am recently at 2.5.

A few things stand out to me:

1) 6:15 is a really early bedtime. I know you said you’ve tried pushing it back, but have you tried consistently, every single night, for at least 2 weeks? I would aim for 7-7:30.

2) is she still in a crib? If so, I would get a gro clock or Hatch and set it on a very dim red light from like 4am until, say 5:30 (or whenever it’s acceptable to wake up). Explain to her that when the light is red it’s sleep time, and when the light turns green mommy and daddy will come and get her. Do this for 2 weeks and then start pushing the time back by 15 mins at a time. At 18 months the concept might not land but it’s worth a shot. If she’s not still in a crib, maybe consider putting her back in one? 18 months is really young to be out of a crib.

3) have a really boring bedtime snack like 20 minutes before bed, every single night. Like cereal and milk, or a banana and peanut butter. Make it part of the nighttime routine, and then don’t get her up and feed her until 5:30am or whatever the appropriate time is.

4) try capping her nap at 1 hr for 2 weeks and see what happens

There is a very good chance that even if you change nothing, this will change for the better soon. But in the short term my husband and I would go to bed super early and switch off weekend sleep in days so one of us would at least get one morning a week to catch up. Good luck!

 

[mickaela]

@wc0476 I just exhaled while reading your comment. Thank you so much from one early riser mom to another

1. We could do a much better job of pushing back bed time. We have pushed it back to 7 for a week at a time, but she really wants to be in bed by 6:30 so we always let it slip back, and chalk it up to it not working. We could be more intentional
2. She is in a crib - we started doing this with the light but haven’t explained it. She does understand things so we will try this!!!
3. I absolutely adore this idea
4. Unfortunately I have no control over the nap, happens at daycare. But I can try talking to them!

 

[diadiemnhaban2023]

@mickaela I'd use #3 to help you push bedtime later. Even a low sugar healthy snack should give her a tiny blood sugar boost, I think.

1. (Imo) is a great option if the rest don't work but since you can't control, try the others first!

 

[nhule8805]

@diadiemnhaban2023 For a while my son would have a yogurt pouch before bed. (After PJs but before he brushed his teeth.)

 

[jeffreynaylor2009]

@mickaela Is she having milk at all? I'd cut all milk and focus on ensuring she has heaps of protein rich and/or low GI foods at dinner to keep her fuller for longer

 

[mickaela]

@jeffreynaylor2009 Yeah a little bit but she always has her yogurt. Maybe I could switch it up to Greek yogurt

 

[jeffreynaylor2009]

@mickaela If she's waking hungry at 4am and then happy to go back to bed, if you can curb the hunger she might sleep through.

Solid forms of protein would much better for curbing 4am hunger - as they will make her fuller longer. Yoghurt and milk won't help much, as they are liquid and pass quickly.

You could make protein ball snacks, or you could feed more meats and sweet potato etc at dinner.

 

[spurgeon687]

@mickaela Yogurt would be great if she can also have something with fiber with it- like yogurt and apple slices.

Otherwise it'll get digested way too fast. Focus on something with fairly high fats (for satiety) and fiber (for that satiety to last). Something like sweet potato fries with a creamy dip, or avocado on wheat bread, ants on a log, etc.

 

[wlmass]

@mickaela Definitely explain the light. We started using one around 19 months and it's pretty magical. I often see on the monitor that he is awake, but he doesn't make a peep until the light turns green. We have it set to turn red at 7:30PM so he knows it's time for bed too. That might be something that could help you push bedtime back too.

 

[ldrkert4]

@mickaela 10 hours of night sleep is reasonable for an 18 month old, and it seems she's telling you that's what she needs. At 18 months my (low sleep needs) child was going to bed at 8 and waking at 6.

I think the way forward here is to push bedtime back to as late as it needs to be to have those 10ish hours end at your desired wake time. You can't make her sleep more hours than her body needs, but you can try and shift the schedule.

 

[luvmypets]

@ldrkert4 Ugh. My twins are 15 months and sleep 12-13 hours. I just thought kids sleep that long until they are like, in kindergarten I’m not ready

 

[enoughhomeless]

@luvmypets You might do better than you think, my 27 month old is still sleeping about 12-13 hours per night. Some kids really love sleep.

 

[luvmypets]

@enoughhomeless Oh god I hope so!

 

[ldrkert4]

@luvmypets There are definitely kids who sleep more than others - sounds like you are lucky with good sleepers and I certainly don’t think your kids are suddenly going to drop 2-3 hours from their nights in the near future. But kids do generally need less sleep with age. It’s most obvious the first year when they’re constantly consolidating naps but you can typically expect sleep needs to continue to decrease after that, their sleep won’t stay the same forever.

 

[luvmypets]

@ldrkert4 Thank you! They were god awful sleepers as young infants, I felt like I won the lottery when they finally started sleeping lol

 

[sakashoe]

@luvmypets I have an 8yo (yes 8 YEAR not month old) who goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at like 3 or 3:45. Sometimes between 4 and 5. I have had an infant/toddler for 8. Long. Years. I would kill for her to sleep 12-13 hours. I hope your kids stay that way. Ha ha

 

[luvmypets]

@sakashoe Omg I’m so sorry!!! How are you alive? Hahah. Does he come to your bedroom every night?

 

[sakashoe]

@luvmypets She. Yes. She does. Ha ha ha. I’m exhausted.

 

[dongphong19]

@luvmypets My four year old sleeps 11 hours a night consistently.