My kid can get very angry for something very insignificant, can I trigger her to teach her how to handle anger?

[prodigallane]

For context: single mom, 2 kids, high conflict divorce, kids don't wanna go to my ex anymore but are required to do so (court order), my 9 y.o. girl can get extremely angry for something very insignificant (e.g. when we play a game and she loses, when we go swimming and she gets wet (yes, really), when we go some place and she doesn't feel like it, etc.). She is getting help and the child psyhologist told me her having to go see her father against her will may explain her anger.

For argument's sake, let's just assume the above is correct. My question is not about the above. My question is about the following:

I understand my question is somewhat controversial, but I just wanna help my little girl.

Can I trigger her so that she gets angry, record it and then show it to her so that she learns? I just want her to see her anger is not in relation to whatever it is that triggered her.

 

[belle_me777]

@prodigallane I was a very angry girl and if someone did that to me it would have crushed me as I was already in so much pain emotionally. Also as class A idiot adult I did that same shit to a kid (to show his psychologist) but he ended up hearing the video and was very upset.

I have a few ideas but I it would help to understand what is the definition of anger for you. Literally, how does she express her anger?

 

[prodigallane]

@belle_me777 Oh, thank you so much, I didn't look at it that way. Thanks again.

She used to shout and get physical, telling me she hates me, beating me, kicking me. It's already SO MUCH better now. She doesn't do that anymore, she just gets upset, goes to her room, still gets physical with her brother, but not me. So we came a long way, but we're not there yet. I want to see if there is anything more I can do to help her.

I'd love to hear your ideas.

 

[katrina2017]

@prodigallane I hope I'm not butting in, but I wanted to piggy back off this commenter bc I struggled with anger as a child as well. Never really had a reason, and I knew that. Maybe my sock was twisted the wrong way. Seriously- that was one of my biggest challenges. Anyway, I wanted to comment to make sure you arent forgetting something very elementary. Talking to her & having good quality conversations. Keep offering quality time, quality conversations, all that. Even if she tells you she hates you and wants to be alone forever. Give her a minute, then offer love, but in a supportive way. Not in a pitiful way. What I mean by this, sit close next to her (legs touching) and be quiet vs "give me a hug" / "you need someone to cry to, come here poor baby". Nah, let her change the conversations from "IM SO ANGRY" to "mom I need help. I'm so upset about ___" (she might not beable to tell you exactly what is bothering her, and that's okay too.) But I know when I was young, I was bombarded by my mom asking "what's wrong" over and over and over and that's more frustrating than anything so really all it did was make it worse. It's my hope that by sitting with her, you offer companionship so she doesn't feel lonely. And by letting her calm down and change her attitude / emotions on her own- that's a huge life lesson in independence. Also, you've just created a safe and loving environment for her to figure out what's bothering her and then she can discuss that with you. THIS is what I imagine good parenting to be like, bc now it's your responsibility to listen and help her cope. Don't save her from every problem in life, that's not sustainable and it's setting her up for failure when you're not around. But you can teach emotional resilience and help explain why life is the way it is.