My kid basically told me to stop gentle parenting her

[davida50]

@ovadya I appreciate your honest reply. I definitely don't THINK I'm scripting with her that often, I try to only use it when I'm very very frustrated and don't have any "umph" left to use my real parenting skills. I agree with kids being a person and I am going to work harder on being more relatable.

 

[katrina2017]

@davida50 What kind of questions do you ask her that she’s referring to? Can you give an example? Just curious

 

[davida50]

@katrina2017 I'm not sure exactly which ones she's referring to, but when she's annoyed or mad I will often ask what's up or if she's okay and remind her that I can't help her if she doesn't tell me what's wrong (now that I type that out, that does sound super "young" to me asking an 8 year old but I mean even some adults need that reminder in the moment!)

 

[almorra]

@davida50 It’s so hard when there is only the one kid too I think to deal with them being mad/upset with you. My daughter is only 4 and started crying and called me a “bad mommy” bc I wouldn’t let her have a Coca-cola the other night. I’m like, “no, I’m being a good mom”

 

[herrf]

@davida50 There’s a lot of good advice here already, especially the “welcome to the tweenage years” stuff, but I’m curious why she thinks only toddlers are/should be asked about their feelings. Is it the way you’re phrasing it? Or the tone? Understanding other people’s feelings is key in how humans function in personal relationships & even with random strangers on the street. It’s something she’ll need to do & understand for her entire life.

 

[davida50]

@herrf I definitely don't THINK I'm phrasing it in that way, but her comment takes me off guard so maybe? Definitely reflecting on it. I do agree with you though, she will need to understand this forever and it's such a fundamental part of growing up and being a person.

 

[esmith87]

@davida50 Tbh most gentle parenting scripts do sound vey baby-ish. Imagine someone talking to an adult that way? There has to be some middle ground between parenting styles particularly when kids are more mature and don’t need so much direction.

 

[davida50]

@esmith87 I agree. I don’t usually “script” too much unless I’ve ran out of options and/or am trying to keep myself from yelling. I was just more or less saying I take that approach - talking it out, etc rather than a more authoritarian approach.

 

[toyoken]

@davida50 Just here for solidarity. I have an 8 year old girl too and that attitude can be a lot.

 

[davida50]

@toyoken Thank for being here.