My 8 y/o daughter came out as bi but she doesn’t understand what the means and I need advice

[remythologized]

@raptureman2020 My first time questioning my gender was 3-4 years old. Questioned my sexuality at 7. I didn't "understand" but I knew. Kids need more credit than they're given. If they have these thoughts now, it's a good idea to prepare them for the onslaught of negative attention it's going to bring. I had quite the reputation for processing my struggles publicly while very young and the other kids made it unbearable. Didn't change who I was.

 

[bubbleking]

@raptureman2020 My son came out to me around the same age. I am bi. I told him the same thing. I told his therapist who is also bi. She said it was the right action to take.

 

[maeknapp372]

@raptureman2020 Kids play at things without fully understanding them, that's an incredibly normal aspect of childhood development. They play at being a doctor or a mom/dad or a super hero, they play at all kinds of things that they genuinely do not know anything about from an adult perspective but the point of that kind of play is learning and exploration. My daughter has also been saying things like she's gay or bi since she was about 8 and it's pretty clear to me that kind of stuff is mostly a form of imaginative play and that's how I treat it. I respond in kind, respectful, supportive ways but I don't believe that it's at all the same as a kid genuinely expressing real sexuality in the ways we would think of those things as an adult. It really is no different than other forms of play and it's entirely appropriate to respond to it the same way you'd respond to other sorts of imaginative play (e.g. encouraging or playing along or educational/informative, etc)

 

[jedimama]

@raptureman2020 Right away, the most important thing you should do is make sure she knows that she is supported by her parents which you are already doing. The kid is 8 and still trying build an understanding of the world and develop her brain. While she doesn’t fully understand what sexuality is, just let her keep learning. Expose her to what all the different types are so that she can better understand if she fits with more of a certain group. You’ll discreetly imply to her that she is confused and allowed to keep learning. A lot of times, kids have a hard time admitting they don’t know what side they are on in the game of life and would rather pick a familiar social group (her cool aunt’s) to feel comfort. And in regard to those conservative assholes, remind your daughter that their opinions don’t matter. She has the opportunity to be better educated on this topic than them. We also can’t control how other people act but we can choose who we let have a place in our lives. Critical thinking will be achieved through time and years of life experience. I’m sure it’ll develop for your daughter eventually.

 

[ggirl1986]

@raptureman2020 In kindergarten last year my daughter came home and said "I'm going to marry [female classmate] when I grow up. Girls can marry girls, you know."

I said, "Yup, you sure can once you're a grown-up."

A while later she decided she was going to marry a male classmate instead. "Yep ok, once you're a grown-up."

Decisions at this age may or may not be permanent, but there's no need to shoot down her temporary even temporary decisions.

 

[melicars]

@raptureman2020 I would say that’s lovely dear and wouldn’t make a big deal out of it at all except to say hell doesn’t exist and not to worry about what silly people tell her.

 

[phillipr]

@raptureman2020 The simple answer is to just makr it clear that you are willing to support it, so that when she hits puberty and can see for herself she qont be afraid to tell you. Obviously this is a problem in a christian community, sadly.

 

[marshmelly]

@raptureman2020 I'd tell her:

Love is a beautiful thing.

Yes, it can lead to heartbreak, as you have noticed when your crush rejected you. But all in all, if two people love each other and it makes them happy, it's a good thing.

Now, the majority of people will fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. That's why there are people who believe that this is the only way it's supposed to be.

There are also people who believe that their way of living is the only acceptable way. And that is what they teach their children. And then in turn, their children will say bad things about it. But think about it: Just because you like something one way, does that mean, everyone else needs to feel the same way?

If your favorite color is yellow - do you expect everyone else to only love yellow? Or would you try and tell everyone that your favorite food is the only acceptable food out there? Kind of silly, isn't it?See, and that's why those kids are wrong. Who you love is only between you and that person. It does not affect anyone else. It does not hurt anyone else.

Right now, there is no need to but a label on yourself. You do not have to decide if you only like girls, boys or both. The only important thing you need to know right now is that no matter what gender the persons you will fall in love with over the course of you life, your mom and I will love you no matter what.

 

[cheskamint13]

@raptureman2020 Would you be concerned if your 8 year old daughter said that in the future she was looking forward to having a husband? If not then why does her expressing her desire to have future connections with both sexes concern you? The world may be heteronormative but that doesn’t mean that it’s right.

 

[laniah]

@raptureman2020 It doesn't need to be a big deal. Growing up, my best friend - a now very much in his 30s gay man - had the benefit of a mom who just listened when he talked. She didn't make a judgment. She didn't tell him boys do this, girls do that, you can't know if you have a crush, she just listened.

She listened as he cried about the rejection of male friends, offering advice only if he told her that's what he wanted. When he told her he liked a boy, she reacted no differently than if he'd told her it was a girl.

When he finally did come out at 20 explicitly, she just got the big wine glasses out, poured them each a glass and sat down.

But she just gave him the space to figure it out himself. He didn't have to contend with a second voice doling out judgment or input.

If it comes up again, I'd say sometimes girls like girls, boys like boys, there's nothing wrong with it. And leave it at that.

I feel like parents now are too focused on labeling and figuring this shit out for their kids. It doesn't need to be figured out, especially right now.