Moms of daughters, let’s talk about the talk

[montycresto]

I have two girls, 5 and 8 years old. I communicate very openly with my girls in an age appropriate way. They know the basics about menstruation because they ask questions about the supplies they see in my bathroom and in the trash. We’ve talked about how, in order to have babies, a mom needs a dad. Some babies are adopted later, or a dad helps a mom have babies if she’s single or married to a woman, etc. Anyways, my 5 year old really enjoys playing with baby dolls. She likes to put a doll under her shirt and say that she’s going to be a mom. Very recently she asked how, specifically, do moms get babies into their “tummies”. My 8 year old has never asked this question, so I haven’t had to answer it. I wasn’t ready at the time, so I let her know that I needed to think about it and I’d let her know later. I said that question has a long answer. She was fine with that, and moved on. I’m curious about how other moms have answered this question? I’m not quite sure how to word it. My mom didn’t talk to me about sex until I was at least 10, but I have three older sisters who filled me in earlier than that. To be clear, I’m not intimidated or squeamish about this conversation, I just want to do it right. Thanks!

 

[suzannetocher]

@montycresto I just answer using correct terminology, I make it matter of fact. I don’t introduce my thoughts or opinions on sex or anything. I just answer the biological question.

 

[lov2speaktongues]

@montycresto You handled it fine. Just make sure you keep talking to them and revisiting every so often. Make talking about these issues normal. That will help you more in the future more than anything.
I had a talk with my oldest, son, about washing his penis the other day and I was worried he would be weirded out but he was like it's not weird you are just trying to keep me safe, love you mom.

Same kid years ago walked in on me changing my pad and went running through the house yelling mom is dying. He thought I was bleeding to death. So we have come a long way.

M daughter s 5 and we have been talking about this also. Doing the same thing. Especially during potty training while I sat on the big potty and she sat on the small potty. She noticed stuffed and asked questions but at least she didn't freak out I was dying. Lol

The important part is getting kids to become comfortable talking about things. There's will work itself out as you have those talks over time.

 

[montycresto]

@lov2speaktongues Ah ok, it’s helpful to know that these conversations are happening organically in other households. The first time my girls noticed blood on me in a public restroom, they just asked “what is that red stuff?” I just brushed it off casually and answered honestly. They asked again a few times, I think to make sure I didn’t leave anything out lol. I think what makes me hesitate most is that I don’t want them to see their dad differently. But that’s life I guess I’ll just tackle it honestly next time she brings it up. Thanks!

 

[starlightkat]

@montycresto There's a book called "what makes a baby" that's detailed but also very age appropriate for 3-8 year olds

At 5, you can probably just say a sperm and an egg meet and turn into a baby. Real words with real information without getting too nitty gritty.

 

[montycresto]

@starlightkat I like that, thanks!

 

[juanpablo]

@montycresto Funny we just talked about somewhat related topics. We talked about “tummy” can mean different things and is used loosely. Tummy can mean stomach or intestines or uterus when people talk about it. My 5 year old was confused about the tummy that digests food and the tummy that hurts and the tummy that host babies. She was also asking if tampons stopped pee from coming out so we talked about that as well. We haven’t talked about sex, just how babies are formed (egg and sperm) and the human body structure. We are very open about these things as we don’t want our girls to feel like there’s anything taboo about how we are as people. She takes it like any other subject. I love and welcome these questions.

 

[montycresto]

@juanpablo I love this! Yes, it is so important to answer their questions honestly. And they have so many questions

 

[chapmike100]

@montycresto I talked about fertilizing a sperm and an egg. Started with plant reproduction then animals. I taught kindergarten and I overheard a 5 year old girl telling a 5 year old boy you didn’t need a dad to have a baby.

 

[montycresto]

@chapmike100 Oh plants would be a great place to start! We do have a vegetable garden and talk about pollinators. Thats a good idea, as a starting point. Thanks!

 

[boomstheory]

@montycresto I do think when you hit a wall like that where there’s not really an answer a 5y will fully understand and take well ya have to be honest and say ‘that is something we will go over when your older’ maybe give them a specific grade like ‘when you’re in 6th grade’ that’s what I would do, but my girl is only a year old xD but I know I want to give her age appropriate info too but yeah your inquisitive one might not accept it. You know her better then me xD

 

[montycresto]

@boomstheory Totally, and I always focus on being age appropriate. As they get older, it gets quite difficult to find that line. It’s so helpful to hear other moms’ perspectives thanks!

 

[gottmaninst]

@montycresto I found a YouTube video geared towards kids explaining the entire process. My girls are 8 and 10, so this helped out a lot. Kids are very visual so I'd look into it.

 

[montycresto]

@gottmaninst Good idea, thanks!