How much time do new moms spend with babies?

[drummerdude]

@lordfeather If she was more active with responsibilities before the pregnancy but since becoming pregnant has disengaged, I would say it sounds like the pregnancy took a whole lot of energy from her and she’s dealing with postpartum depression now. I had a pre-birth class leader who shared her experience with postpartum, and she described her feelings toward her newborn as, “I loved him because he was mine, but I didn’t like him and didn’t want to be around him.” Your wife very well may be unaware of her current state and that’s why she lashes out when you try to bring it up.

 

[dburn]

@lordfeather When my daughter was born I spent every minute with her. My mom would come over occasionally and give me a break so I could nap and shower.

 

[shingij3]

@lordfeather Your wife needs to see her Dr. This is not normal.

 

[boltforce]

@lordfeather This is so strange. Did you both decide to have this child? Was it planned? Weird that she doesn’t WANT to spend time with baby at all. Have they formed much of a bond?

 

[newwave]

@lordfeather What was she like before she was pregnant?

 

[biblesniffer]

@lordfeather I was with my baby 24/7 for 3 1/2 months and then she started daycare for 2 days a week. But I’m a single mom.

It sounds like your wife might be going through a depression.

 

[jayy18]

@lordfeather No, this is not the norm.

Did your wife solidly want to become pregnant before she became pregnant? If yes, then this sounds like postpartum depression. Talk to her doctor. If no, then you both might be experiencing the effect of a questionably wanted pregnancy. Not every parent, male or female, kicks into gear to care for a helpless child. I think we see it far more in men than women, but yes, it occurs in women, too.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. The first year is HARD. It gets better in stages, but it stays unbelievable busy for the early years.

 

[jiglow]

@lordfeather No this is not normal at all. I understand needing a break from baby once in a while to sleep, or have some “me time”, but this is too much. She needs to see a doctor about PPD and likely get some therapy. I don’t agree with jumping straight onto meds, but having a therapist to talk to who can guide her through this could really help. Doesn’t sound like she bonded very well.

 

[katrina2017]

@lordfeather Either she’s severely depressed or disconnected for some reason. Or she has no parental instinct. Who wanted the baby? I find it very odd - sorry

 

[glassoven]

@lordfeather Sounds like depression. You can't keep many mother's away from their babies.

 

[dirtfisher]

@lordfeather What…that’s weird. And not even because she is the mum. Any parent spending only an hour is not right, even if she was back at work that would be odd.

Sounds like she might have post partum a/d and needs to maybe get some help.

If it’s not this and it’s a personality thing, then I would not be accepting this at all. Maybe leave her with the baby (if you think it would not put the baby at risk) for 1 to a few days. Maybe she needs that reality check and also time to bond and be forced to care for her.

I don’t know, I’m sorry this is your experience, that sounds extremely tiring and stressful.

 

[jakehostetler]

@lordfeather Co-sleeping with baby can help with bonding and making life easier. Breastfeeding would certainly help as it promotes bonding and loving hormones, as well as health for both. Baby wearing also promotes bonding. Try encouraging more of these things. It isnt too late to breastfeed if she hasn't started and is willing, but she will need a lactation consultant to support help. Co sleeping can certainly be done safely and is done for years in many other cultures. Baby wearing is very good for parent and baby to co-regulate heart, breathing, and temp. Reading books about infants is more helpful than watching any random TV show.

Mom needs feel good hormones (oxytocin, dopamine, etc) with baby, which come from bonding activities. This would be more rewarding than a nail job and magazines, and the rewards are much longer lasting.

Edit: can you get support from extended family? You don't want to burn out. My dad was rejected similarly by his mom as a baby, and it affected him for life. You and other family can hopefully help her to see the big picture. She should see a doctor or therapist ASAP to discuss this urgent issue.

Wishing you all the best!

 

[alwaysbethinkin]

@lordfeather This post sounds like it’s written by a young man that hates women.

 

[jakehostetler]

@alwaysbethinkin Way to be super unsupportive of someone going through a bad time.

 

[alwaysbethinkin]

@jakehostetler The post is fake.

 

[lambkisses]

@lordfeather I was pretty much 24/7 with my new born, as we had a co-sleeping cot. I almost hit my MIL (who is a JNMIL) when she tried to kiss the baby and I got all territorial.

 

[volraider]

@lordfeather I had this issue with my first baby and can say that is indeed what postpartum depression looks like. I had a lot of trouble bonding with the baby as well.

 

[marybeth763]

@lordfeather Almost all the time. She needs to see a doctor

 

[zelek11]

@lordfeather This is concerning. She should be spending much more time bonding and connecting, and if she can’t, there will be a reason for it that she needs support and help with. These early months are some of the most important in terms of bonding. Please get her some help.

 

[marshmelly]

@lordfeather The first weeks I was hardly ever apart from my baby, except for showering or going to the bathroom.

I actually remember my first 10 minute trip to the supermarket without my son at around a week after. He was safe and sound with his dad but it still felt wrong to not have him with me.

And yes, I get the need to rest after being pregnant and giving birth. There's exhaustion, physical and mental recovery while the body resets and often healing from birth injuries. That is absolutely valid. But usually mothers tend to rest WITH the baby. To spend that little time with the baby? Something's off. Your suggestions to talk to a doctor were totally valid.

Are you on good terms with one of her close friends? Could you ask her opinion on your wives mental wellbeing?