MIL wants Medical Authorization Form for 13 m.o

[irisnicole8405]

My MIL typically watches my 13 mo three days a week, for about six hours each day while my husband and I are both working.

She approached my husband and asked for my daughter's pediatrician info and a medical authorization form. (Apparently not the first time she's asked him but certainly the first time I'm hearing about it).

My fear is that with this form, she wouldn't contact me for what she deems as minor things until all is said and done. I'm already having a tough time getting her to even tell me if she gives my daughter Ibuprofen, let alone ask beforehand.

She is the type of person that, IMO, is treating my daughter as a second chance to be a mother.

She has been vocal about my daughter's lack of weight gain (she's 5th percentile, but ped said she's following her curve). Daughter has eczema, but MIL is adamant that she has food allergies (just had her allergy tested, none detected). She doesn't think she's progressing as fast as her grandsons did and is concerned about her development, so much so that she tells other families members about it. And so on..

My husband and I work about 20-30 min away from where she lives and I have the type of job that I would be able to drop everything and head over in the case of an emergency.

Am I wrong to not want to give her this form? I feel like in a true emergency situation, they would stabilize my child and by the time they need any medical decisions to be made, I would be there.

 

[raemyraj]

@irisnicole8405 That’s a hard no. In an emergency situation your child will receive treatment. The form is for scheduling appointments. She’s planning to take your child for a doctor’s appointment without asking your permission.

I would be finding different childcare.

 

[jonathanbewell]

@raemyraj Yup! The only time I gave my parents an authorization form was when my husband and I traveled 3 hours north into Canada and were literally in another country. That way, if something minor occurred where the kids needed the pediatrician but not an urgent care/ER my parents could take them. I specifically wrote it expired on the day we returned.

 

[musicinterest]

@jonathanbewell Same -- we gave the authorization when we went to Europe. She did end up at urgent care and the office called us to confirm everything.

 

[sarahzgh]

@jonathanbewell We had this for a friends kid when we kept him for a week while they were on their honeymoon. But other than that I’d call them and have them deal with any medical issues

 

[nicholas777]

@raemyraj Yep. And her not telling OP when LO when she’s had ibuprofen is not just petty and controlling. It’s dangerous. OP could accidentally cause her daughter to OD if she doesn’t have that information.

 

[yurtiestv]

@raemyraj I'm pretty sure grandma's not even trying to go to the kids' pediatrician. It sounds like grandma doesn't agree with what the doctor says, so I'm thinking she wants to go to a whole different practice to find someone who agrees with her thinking and/or will perform some kind of treatment/prescription without having to inform the parents.

Regardless, it's a big ol' no and grandma needs to be relieved of her duties asap (and probably also no/low contact going forward).

It sounds like husband has tried to shut this down before, but he needs to have a come to Jesus talk with his mother about what exactly her role is and where the boundaries are.

 

[nowfound]

@raemyraj Yes to finding different childcare even if it's costly. Hope you guys can squeeze it in your budget for your own peace of mind, too, as a mom.

 

[godloveme1]

@raemyraj It's not necessarily for making appointments; I signed a medical authorization form for our nanny but it was explicit that it was only for emergency circumstances or for symptoms of illness/injuries (fever, infection, broken bones, rash, etc.). My state is pretty strict about giving treatment to minors without parents. They will stabilize in an emergency and that's it. I didn't want to have to worry about my kids getting broken bones and not getting treatment until I got a train home.

I completely agree that OP should look into different childcare, though, because it does seem like MIL's goal is to take kiddo in for unnecessary doctor's appointments bc of her weird weight fixation.

 

[lovefrom89]

@raemyraj [sup]^[/sup] ding ding ding!

 

[yvettepch1]

@irisnicole8405 Yea this seems weird. I would not give my nanny a medical authorization form and she watches our 22 month old 40-50 hours a week.

 

[jayrdalida111]

@yvettepch1 Agreed. I worked in childcare and we had some children 50+ hours a week - the closest we ever had was medication authorization for a regularly given medicine (eye drops, ear drops, antibiotics) or emergency medicine (epipen, inhalers). We were all first aid certified and could act within that scope, but that's it

 

[coolguybrad]

@yvettepch1 Agreed. I was a nanny & had worked for the family for 4 years when the parents traveled out of the country. They got me a temporary medical authorization form, mostly because the youngest had severe asthma & they had no other family or anything locally, & needed me to be able to handle things in an emergency. And that was a huge deal. 30 minutes away? Absolutely not.

 

[sweettea]

@yvettepch1 Am nanny and never have I ever had that kind of authorization. It seems a wild overstep imo especially to be the one asking for it rather than the parent providing it (which I could understand)

 

[sdd2174]

@sweettea I was thinking this. Our pediatrician gave us the form in case we wanted to do that, but it wasn’t pushed on us or family asking. We are going to give authorization to my dad who spend 30+ years as a pediatric ICU nurse because honestly, given time to do so, I ask his opinion a lot. But again, he’s not asking me, I asked him if I could do that.

 

[godsogood]

@irisnicole8405 Absolutely not. In an actual emergency she can call for an ambulance, no form needed. Anything less urgent can wait for you or your husband to get home in 20 minutes.

 

[icbidt19]

@irisnicole8405 I would tell her it is not necessary. My MIL has done a few overnights with my 13mo...she has taken her to her 9m checkup when I was in the ER. The doctor was informed verbally MIL would be bringing her. If there is an emergency, the Dr/ER is not going to deny my daughter care...they will be in contact with me. I will make decisions. MIL says when her kids were babysat 30yrs ago, the form was required otherwise if something happened, the babysitter could not take the child to the dr/ER. I'm like...ok, well, that is no longer the case. It's not necessary, thank you. If you are uncomfortable with that then we don't have to do overnights anymore (we have done it 3x for one night each).

 

[austinscott]

@icbidt19 Yep I had dad take our daughter to a check up, didn’t even realize he wasn’t on the list to take her and they just called me to authorize it

 

[roseanalday]

@irisnicole8405 Honestly I’d look for another childcare provider. I wouldn’t put it past her to start trying to fix things herself and potentially cause more problems. If she can’t be open and honest with you she doesn’t need to be around your child unsupervised

 

[anadascal]

@irisnicole8405 In an emergency she does not need that form. In fact, she wouldn’t even need to be there, because consent in life saving measures is presumed especially for children. Even parents can’t opt out for their children in almost every circumstance. So, that is not an issue. That would be for like day-to-day standard care. I would not do this.