Kids father planning to vanish until they’re 18

[alvinc]

@jennyjohn I didn’t ask for how many single parent homes. No ones out here denying that a healthy, stable two parent home is the most ideal situation. But life happens, people fail us, remaining together in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children is not better for anyone.
And now you’re out here saying single father households are better? Where are you pulling this from? We are on a single parenting sub- I think everyone here knows the struggles of being a single parent better than the average person. No one needs to be told them.

 

[jayjaydee]

@jennyjohn You fucked your argument, bro. You were comparing single fathers to single mothers and site since parent. Fix your argument or don’t argue at all.

 

[alvinc]

@jennyjohn Genuinely wondering after reading this post you can still be confused on whether he’s a good father? The man up and left, lied about being blocked to stir up conflict and look like a victim, and now thinks he can disappear until they turn 18 and expect for a relationship to exist after leaving them high and dry for years.
A good father doesn’t screw over their partner and their children.

 

[jennyjohn]

@alvinc Well the kids are 8 and 5. The guy was okay for some number of years?

 

[alvinc]

@jennyjohn Huh??? How did you come to that conclusion. That genuinely makes it worse. He was present for 8 years and was able to abandon without a second thought.

 

[glo22inc]

@jennyjohn If he was cheating on his wife, how is he supposed to be a good father when he is cheating on his children's mother?! What morals this guy has to teach his own kids how to respect himself and his wife? Which means, how can he show/teach with examples to his own kids what is and how a healthy relationship and family are. Because at this point being a cheater he is just showing his daughter and/or his son on how to lie/disrespect your partner in life.

 

[jennyjohn]

@glo22inc I agree that current behavior is very bad.

With that in mind, a good father in your kids life is statistically like giving them a super power.

If he's a bad father on top of a philandering asshole, then throw him in the lake of fire.

 

[nikkey76]

@techyinaz dont fight, i promise if you put him on child support he will never come back- maybe he will cool off, maybe he wont but give it some time

 

[faithful12]

@nikkey76 Is this for real? He created the children and needs to HELP support the children! If he is going to be a terrible human and not a parent that is going to happen regardless of the support situation!

 

[glo22inc]

@nikkey76 Are u the father in this situation? Trying to get away from child support payments. Lol

 

[thatguy94]

@nikkey76 the opposite is generally true. men tend to want to get “what they pay for”

 

[heavensvoice]

@techyinaz No. Do not tell them that. Right now emotions are high and people aren't thinking things through.

Go through proper channels and get a court order.

For now just tell your kids that you know they miss their dad and you hope they will see him again soon, but you aren't sure when that will be.

 

[mrss]

@techyinaz Get him served with child support asap. The court can help you find him. Seek support from trusted family bc not everyone is helpful/understanding.

And you can’t force someone to be in their kids lives if they don’t want to be. All those excuses are on him. Your kids will learn it eventually. Be there for your kids as best you can. You do not need the back and forth stress with this man or from family that support his behavior.

 

[crawforda1769]

@techyinaz I'm really sorry that you and your children are in this situation. Try to remember that children are resilient. All you can do is try to be the best version of yourself. If your children experience honest effort and loving care and somewhat effective discipline growing up, they will always be proud of you and include you in their lives. Use this experience to choose future partners more wisely. Love yourself and be proud of yourself.

There's an old poem I like to think about from time to time that basically states that most ppl will forget a lot of things you say, and they will forget a lot of the things you do, but ppl will always remember the way you made them feel.

 

[thatguy94]

@techyinaz You need a court order outling visitation and child support. This will give him rights and access and if he’s not exercising it, you can go back to court to have the order revised. Men are a lot more likely to spend time with their children if they feel like they are “paying for it.” Many states also offer reductions for support paid if the father receives more time; similarly, they’ll be ordered to pay more if they’re not.

Be careful what you wish for, co-parenting is no easy ride. If he retaliates by making things difficult and there is a lot of conflict, you can request to have parenting facilitation. There’s pros and cons to having them, but sometimes they’re necessary.

 

[thatguy94]

You need to be smart about this. As a mom, all you can think about is how they’re hurting and you’re wanting to make it better. I’d advise you for reasons it’d take too long to get into NOT to go out of your way to involve him. My guess is he’s emotional and reacting, but that he will want a relationship with his kids. Probably sooner than later. At the very least, when he marries or had a kid with someone else.

Keep copies of every text and email you have between you and him, his family, and friends. Print them out and put them in a binder. Do this until the kids are… let’s say 16. This will help you whenever you go to court (don’t expect the first time to be the only time). Also be careful of what you put in writing. Always have the appearance of being a good and willing co-parent. Be careful of what you say to anyone. It can and will come back to bite you if you ever speak out of line.

 

[katrina2017]

@techyinaz

1 Make sure your side of the street is clean. If you’re anything like me (a human) it’s very easy to do or say things as a form of “I’ll show you”​

2 Pray for him. If the kids ask just say, “let’s pray for Daddy”​

3 I know… easier said than done. 11 years a Full time single dad here ​

It’s tough and it sucks. There are great times too.

 

[krimsonthornz]

@techyinaz One thing about kids is they pick up on everything. They will see him not coming around. Tell them the truth!

 

[messiman10]

@techyinaz The reality is you can't make him be a good father. You only can control what you do.

It's not your job to make him a good father. It's your job to not stand in the way of when he does want to be a good father. You always need to prioritize what's best for your children, And unless you can show that he's abusive or neglectful, (operative word being "show") It's a really bad idea to try to keep him from them, especially if he's asking.

But if he's truly not asking, I would just try to create a paper trail. If he doesn't respond to your texts to his phone or email or whatever, send him an email or text saying "I've sent you a few emails and text at this point, please respond if you are receiving them" That way it can never come back that you didn't try to communicate with him.

Your responsibility is to your children. Think to yourself: "is what I'm doing legally sound (Am I unfairly and prejudicially stopping him from being a father to my children?)? Is what I'm doing consistent with my own morals about how I want to be viewed by myself and by other people and most importantly by my own children later?"

If that's truly what he wants to not see them until they're 18, He's not putting his own children's best interest first. You don't need to say it but it's going to be obvious to anybody who knows what's happening and sees what's happening.

I'd say you want to secure child support from him because his responsibilities as a father are not negated just because he doesn't want to participate in the responsibility of being a father. Money is just the tip of the iceberg of his responsibilities. But that's the part that is legally obligated by him. Child support is not about you being paid, It's about his children receiving his financial support.

 

[katrina2017]

@techyinaz First: He's a d!ck. You're better off.

If he's planning on being a ghost until they're 18, good riddance. I feel for the boys (my Dad was never part of my life) but at some point they'll get the clue that it was his choice, not your choice or their fault, and that the only reason he isn't around is that he'd have been a lousy father. He'll get his when they turn 18 and he finds out they want zero to do with him. Karma hits hard.