@nothingtoknow My twins father started off decent, not great. We had a rough go, I had to DNA, and all that jazz. He’d see them on occasion, then not. I was a push over.
He gets married, my girls would go. Suddenly he stops for months, then sees them one weekend snd ended up leaving them w his sister who was on house arrest. She was higher than a kite. I walked in to one laying under a pool table asleep and the other climbing on the stove. They were maybe 3-4 at the time? She went to jail the next day because she failed her court mandated drug test ( she was ordered to test weekly, she knew she was, still failed.)
Christmas comes after that I kept texting “is anyone going to see them too?” They’d posted pics of their family together at houses Christmas Eve. I start texting his mother Christmas Day, she said maybe sometime you can bring them to get their gifts. I said isn’t anyone going to see them?? She wouldn’t even respond. I had my answer. I stopped, I begged for weeks by this point.
8 years or so later they divorce and he sends me a request on snap chat asking about them and asking to see photos. I was stupid enough to send them. I’m stupid enough to think there’s some good left in him. They stayed one Saturday maybe 2. He’s been to jail, pays child support when he wants. He blamed his ex wife. I finally said “just stop I blame you both, you let her if it was her, if it was you? Well you’re just shitty” he’s begged them to come over and go to concerts, and come see him. They’ll agree to go then a couple days before the time comes he’ll disappear. This past Christmas he asked for lists. They put stuff they really wanted, they’re totally different, never want the same thing. He bought them both the exact same items. I kept looking at pics, he has an older daughter by a diff woman he actually sees regularly and takes care of, come to find out he bought her every item on her list, then bought 2 more of the exact item for mine. One of my girls figured this out too, she said “you’d think we’d be important enough to get at least one thing we asked for” it broke my heart. I didn’t say a word. I don’t speak to him, he’ll text them himself.
He showed up to a school thing they had (wouldn’t show up to their ballet recital, they still invite him to come watch things) and tried to apologize, I said I’m not the one you should be saying I’m sorry to. Idk what to tell you.
My girls have realized my dad has been the best father to them they could ever have. They tell me they have a dad they love and don’t need their dad.
I will say he may have the right to choose if he wants to be in their life but I promise you when he’s a revolving door making promises he doesn’t keep and he’s inconsistent it will take a toll on you, it will take the biggest toll on their mental health. At this point I’m trying to protect their mental health. So in the end I don’t think he should have the right to do what he wants. Either he’s going to be a father or he isn’t, there really isn’t any in between there.
Edit: ok I said he added me on snap: I actually saw his contact on snap. I knew he’d gone through a divorce. I added him to see if he’d add me back. He did. I regret that now. And I wonder to this day if I had never sent that request if he’d ever tried to make contact with me. Guess we’ll never know. He’d tried to act like he doesn’t have any contact on me; yes he does. I’ve had the same number for 10 years, im on social media, im not hard to find at all. I promise the half assed dad shit isn’t worth it. Having someone totally out is better than in and out. They come back enough for them to think he’s doing it and start earning their trust then breaks it again.
