@o0ofaytheo0o I know you know that this is a decision only you can make, but it stands out to me that nowhere in the “pro” list is an interest in, or at least excitement or curiosity about having a child.
It also seems like a red flag that a pro is having parenting out of the way by your late 30s. FWIW, parenting gets physically easier but harder mentally as kids grow up, and you will never stop worrying about them or trying to care for them. And you will be “finishing” parenting right around the time many of your friends will have young children.
Having a solid support network that is going to last for years is absolutely crucial if you can’t count on the father (and it sounds as if you can’t really). It takes more than your family’s money. If you decide to keep the baby, get a legal agreement/family court order concerning custody and financial support, no matter how rich your family may be. And think about whether you have friends who can solidly be there for you and your child, not just this year, but for years to come. None of my friends at 23 would have been up for that task until much later in life.
@o0ofaytheo0o I think you have a lot of positives going for you, especially the last one related to work opportunities. I would try and jump on that now if you can, that way you can start building up savings and you'll have a good paying job to get back to later.
@o0ofaytheo0o Everything that is worth doing in life is hard. The reward comes from the sacrifices you make. It’s the only true path to growth. So ask yourself, Am I ready to do the hardest thing in my life? You don’t need to be unafraid. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t even need to be a cold eyed realist. You just need to be willing to do hard things every single day. If the answer is yes, you’ll be blessed with unlimited opportunities to grow in selflessness, courage, and character. YOU become the adult in your own life, as well as that of your child. You learn what it means to love someone beyond what seems humanly possible. And your joy is deeper than you’ll ever feel on your own. Motherhood, especially single motherhood, is the most intense and terrifying course you’ll ever undertake. And every second is hard. And you and your child benefit from each of those growth opportunities.
@o0ofaytheo0o You don't have to keep the baby. Abortion and adoption are options for you. I'm not telling you to do either, just reminding you it's entirely your choice
It sounds like you guys haven't been together very long.
@o0ofaytheo0o If you are deadset and determined to go through with this, write yourself a journal entry to remind yourself of that. 9 months, 18mo, 3 years on, you will need that reminder.
My two biggest tips would be to research local daycares and their weekly cost. It’s at minimum $200/wk. Start budgeting for that, because most of the “I’ll watch the baby any time!” supports disappear when you need them at 6am or in a pinch.
Next, try not to reference so many books and Parenting Guides. I just listened to a podcast about adjusting your child-rearing expectations to be less like a Carpenter (with clear cut input=output expectations) and more like a Gardener (there’s like 90% of stuff you can’t control.)
@o0ofaytheo0o I'm surprised to hear people saying that their older kids are harder than their infants, as this hasn't been my experience at allll (so far!) My oldest is 13, youngest is 7 and it's about 100 times easier than when they were babies/toddlers. Sure they can dish the attitude and the level of 13 year old boy stink and food consumption is rather astounding, but they sleep all night, bathe and dress themselves and can wake up at 8 grab a bowl of cereal and watch cartoons on the weekends. When they were little they needed me 24/7, now they mostly need me to prepare food, nag them to bathe and referee their arguments. I had my kids young and it's nice to have older kids in my mid 30s when many of my friends are just starting out with new babies. I love parenthood and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I will say I have a 50/50 arrangement with a supportive coparent right now so I'm parenting in easy mode (I did the primary custody thing for the first 4.5 years after we divorced with kids ages 2, 4, 7 while going back to school and that was a rough ride, but still doable and dare I say enjoyable). I love the way my life has turned out. But only you know what you want from life and what you can handle.
@ticketwebsite Maybe it’s the emotional toll of watching your baby grow up or when gaps in parenting become obvious as they enter relationships and have to make adult decisions. Also worrying about paying for college and things like that. I personally think you are right the hard part would be in the start, but who am I to say I am currently child free. Thank you for your input I know parenthood is usually amazing no matter the circumstances
@o0ofaytheo0o Hi, I know you may have made your decision by now, but I just wanted to ask if you'd be interested in some resources I know of for support, including financial, for those who want to continue a pregnancy? Hope you're doing okay.
