I was not expecting taking care of a newborn to be so hard

[atlanta]

FTM here. Has anyone else attended pregnancy courses, read books and thought "Okay, simple, feed them every 2-3 hours, breastfeeding is natural, burp, let them sleep, change diapers when needed, do tummy time, show black/white cards and that's it. I got this " And then the reality hits - baby is crying even after eating, cries when bathing, hates tummy time, can't fall asleep (unless nursing). And then you're like - why TF did noone mentioned this in the books or courses? And then let's not forget fatique + anxiety worsening ( I google every little thing he does and each time am sure it's the worst case scenario).

How are your experiences? How are you dealing with being a first time parent? When it will get better? Is there something I should know from you as seasoned parent?

EDIT: Well, I figured something out - baby was very uneasy, crying because upply was very low, so the guy was unhappy because he was hungry. We adjusted formula amount and now he sleeps like a dream. You live and you learn.

 

[sharz]

@atlanta It’s definitely weird how much they prepare you for pregnancy and labor but not taking care of a baby! I think most people feel the way you do. I knew it would be hard but not this hard. My husband and I were talking about how even the relatively new parents we know seem to have collective amnesia about the newborn stage. All anyone tells me is “it’s so hard but it’s normal!” And “it’s gets better!” It’s rough but you are definitely not alone!

 

[curtswill]

@sharz 18 weeks in and I can confirm the amnesia. Everyone talks about how you forget the pain of child birth, but that statement is significantly more appropriate for describing the newborn phase.

I think back and it seems like it wasn't that bad, but I feel sick looking at pictures of my month old baby. I somehow forget how hard it was and simultaneously realize when I see those photos how much harder it was than I realized at the time. I did not appreciate her enough because I was hardly coping. She was so tiny and helpless. I was all she had and she needed me so much. I remember thinking that my daily existence seemed literally impossible and reminding myself that every human had a newborn phase and a mother who survived it. I also remember thinking I loved having a newborn, so it's confusing.

It's only the dread and guilt I have when looking at newborn pictures and remembering trying to convince myself that I could do this that reminds me how hard it was.

 

[laura_d]

@curtswill Wow, I can relate. 10 weeks here and having a hard time believing it gets better where you are at now! Good to know you've come out the other side!

 

[andrew888]

@laura_d I remember a big turning point around 10-11 weeks. We’re only at 14 weeks now and I already have the amnesia lol but my post history reminds me how much I struggled

 

[laura_d]

@andrew888 I'm hoping I get into more of a groove soon. I'm still so anxious and unsure about everything. LO is such a sweet babe, and I feel like I can't even enjoy this right now!

 

[andrew888]

@laura_d I so relate. Things will get easier. For me, the constant anxiety got better around week 11 too (postpartum hormones maybe?) though still flares occasionally but it’s not nearly as bad

 

[curtswill]

@laura_d I found that what I needed was routine. Around 3 months I just started tracking when she napped. I found the average time and used it as a nap schedule. Eventually we became very regular. That has saved me. My baby only naps for 30 minutes at a time, but I find knowing when that will be saved me.

 

[laura_d]

@curtswill Thank you!

 

[maddieh567]

@sharz I think you are right about newborn amnesia. I’m at the end of newborn with a 10 weeks old baby.

I’m trying to remember the first few weeks. My partner and I were on survival mode. Baby wasn’t gaining weight and I had to do feeding tubes. Everything was a blur…I cried while holding my baby and just saying sorry…so many sorries and so many tears.

I have a Velcro baby…my partner went back to work and my family support was done, so it didn’t get much easier but it’s more doable. I have gotten much more comfortable with the baby and more confident in myself.

I dream of a day where baby will sleep the night in the bassinet.

 

[chas4all]

@maddieh567 OMG. My husband and I say I’m sorry to the baby all the time. We’re changing you and it’s getting on your nerves? I’m sorry. You’re feeding but you keep spitting it out? I’m sorry. You are crying for no reason that we can figure out? I’m sorry. You made yourself so mad you threw up? I’m sorry. Lol it’s unending.

 

[mermimi]

@chas4all Not sure if it’ll help but my husband and I have changed our language against saying, “I’m sorry”. As in, she’s crying purple in the evenings? “I know this is hard. You’re doing great figuring things out”. Spit out milk? “We’ll burp more next time or you didn’t need that much milk anyway!” It gives us grace and also normalizes her behavior so it doesn’t feel like we’re in panic mode all the time.

 

[chas4all]

@mermimi Love this

 

[wil72]

@chas4all Ommggg I apologize all the time, too!!!! Glad I'm not the only one.

 

[chas4all]

@wil72 It’s wild

 

[gregory53]

@maddieh567 Regarding velcro baby - this will probably sound like a weird pitch for a sleep program by a bot, but I just finished a 3 day stay at a nurse led facility where they helped us break the velcro baby situation - our 9 week old wouldn’t sleep anywhere except upon a human, 24/7, and now he is sleeping in his bassinet for all naps and from 10pm -6am with 2 brief feeds. It was a simple eat play sleep routine with some in-bassinet settling techniques - i’d be happy to share exactly what they had us do if you like, just dm me! I know how hard it is with a barnacle baby, these basic tips have been life changing. I just can’t believe I didn’t know this stuff but I figure if I didn’t maybe others also don’t, so I can pay it forward by sharing the info with those who might need it.

 

[carson1]

@gregory53 I would much appreciate it if you could share what it is that helped because me and my girlfriend are desperate at this point. Our baby will not calm down or relax unless one of us is holding her and it’s to the point where everything is being neglected around the house because you can’t put her down for a second and we are both so sleep deprived that we just take turns with her while the other sleeps for 2-3 hours but due to all of this, we don’t have the energy to do anything else at all. It’s absolutely exhausting and we have tried everything that we are aware of so far. So any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[gregory53]

@carson1 Hi there I’ve sent you a message with some tips, hope something works for you, it’s so hard when they’re like that.

 

[leandrocarvalho29]

@sharz I have a 4month old and when I think about those first few weeks, it’s almost like I watched it in a movie instead of it actually happening to me!

 

[annac89]

@atlanta Having a newborn isn’t parenting, it’s acting as an external frontal lobe for another being who is essentially just an angry potato without you.

It’s hard, but when they start smiling and interacting with you it gets so much easier to go through the motions because now there’s some semblance of a reward beyond baby being content.