@raving4him I am so sorry that you had to go through this. You are incredibly strong to have kept it together through all of this!!!
I knew the baby shower would be bad, but I never could have anticipated this ..
- Thread starter raving4him
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- trying for a baby vent
katrina2017
New member
@raving4him I am so sorry, that sounds so so tough. I can’t imagine not bursting into tears at the point of the friend 7’s announcement. You are so strong!!
@raving4him I was desperate for a baby myself and it was just not happening, so I stopped going to baby showers, most people understood and supported me.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sure if you spoke with your friends they would understand if you felt you couldn’t go.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sure if you spoke with your friends they would understand if you felt you couldn’t go.
pioneereotcrane
New member
@raving4him The r/TTCafterloss sub has helped me work through my miscarriage. I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s a horrible thing to experience. I didn’t really want to tell people I had a miscarriage, but that was mostly because I wanted to control the conversations about it. If I wanted to talk about it, I would talk about it... and that does not give a person the right to ask me about it. We announced way too early because my mom basically said if you don’t tell people you’re pregnant, I will. So that means we had to tell people I miscarried, which was so hard for me to do, so I had my husband tell people not to text condolences or contact me about it. My husband had to repeatedly tell his mom and sisters to not contact me about it, and one sister still tries to bring up my ‘fertility issues’ almost every time I see her. It’s not that it’s too painful to talk about, it’s more that his sisters are baby factories (one is currently pregnant with #3 and the other is pregnant with twins, making 5 for them... oh and they’re like 4 days apart), so I just don’t care to talk babies with them right now.
Even though this is how I feel, I think you certainly have the right to talk to whom ever you want about it, If it would help. A miscarriage is something no one could comprehend unless they have been through it themselves. People tend to be less sensitive about pregnancies and announcements when they haven’t experienced one, but at the same time, I didn’t want people walking on egg shells around me about it. Things will get better, I promise. I really recommend that sub because it is healing to know your feelings are shared with others.
Even though this is how I feel, I think you certainly have the right to talk to whom ever you want about it, If it would help. A miscarriage is something no one could comprehend unless they have been through it themselves. People tend to be less sensitive about pregnancies and announcements when they haven’t experienced one, but at the same time, I didn’t want people walking on egg shells around me about it. Things will get better, I promise. I really recommend that sub because it is healing to know your feelings are shared with others.
@raving4him I went to a baby shower recently where everyone except for me and one girl had either had children or were pregnant. I got married in July and three people asked me, "When are YOU having kids?" I said to each person, "I don't even know if I can have kids." They swiftly moved the conversation along. They did not ask the unmarried girl when she is having kids.
It's such a 'normal' thing for people to ask but a totally unacceptable thing to ask. It is none of their business.
I was so mad but felt like I had to suck it up for the sake of my friend.
Baby showers, although sweet, can be toxic environments for a lot of women.
It's such a 'normal' thing for people to ask but a totally unacceptable thing to ask. It is none of their business.
I was so mad but felt like I had to suck it up for the sake of my friend.
Baby showers, although sweet, can be toxic environments for a lot of women.
@raving4him Sending you lots of love and hugs. Be strong
heisnowhere
New member
@raving4him I’m so sorry, sending you love and positive thoughts 
I wish this were easier for all of us!
I wish this were easier for all of us!
striving2getahead
New member
@raving4him When I told one of my friends I was thinking of trying for a baby, she told me that she’d had a miscarriage before having her son and to remember that it’s very common and I can always come to her if that happens to me. I found it very comforting. Sending love to you, OP 
mourningthedead
New member
raving4him
New member
@mourningthedead Canada
mourningthedead
New member
@raving4him I see that now with your flag.
@raving4him Please, open up about your loss. Your baby matters, your loss matters, you are allowed to grieve the life you imagined for them and yourselves. I’m so sorry your husband doesn’t want you to tell people, because it isolates you from so many women and men who you could both lean on. You’d be surprised at just how many Angel moms there are all around you.
I have a disease that causes infertility, and I so understand the heart wrenching struggle of feeling happiness and joy for your friends and family having babies, and also feeling sadness, guilt, shame, and some jealousy for yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person or friend; just a human feeling complex emotions.
I have a disease that causes infertility, and I so understand the heart wrenching struggle of feeling happiness and joy for your friends and family having babies, and also feeling sadness, guilt, shame, and some jealousy for yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person or friend; just a human feeling complex emotions.
davetheslave
New member
@raving4him I’m so sorry. I have really, really struggled recently as well. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant or just gave birth while my husband and I are still trying. I do think you should open up to your friends. I bet the would be so supportive and understanding. Then, hopefully, you wouldn’t have to suffer through all those tough questions.